{ Part 1.10 }

(y/n)'s pov:

*Dream*

I was standing on the roof. I look around and realized it was that day. The day the wall of Rose got breached. I didn't saw anybody beside me. I swing from roof to roof. My search for my friends went on a while and in the end, I can't find anyone.

'Where is everyone?' I search and search but then I saw a signal gas from the left corner of the wall. I sprint there with the 3DMG as fast as I can. I got there and I saw Thomas. No it can't be. He was eaten by a titan.

'(y/n), why did you let me got eaten? You could have save but you didn't care.' Thomas questioned me with anger.

'No, it's not like that. I didn't mean to. I don't want you to die. But I can't. I'm sorry.'

'You could have save us but you let us die.' I look to the side and saw soldiers I don't remember of but they were the ones who died on that day.

'You know all of our future and yet you didn't save us. You could have try but you only save the main ones. Why do you even make a promise you can't keep.' Thomas ask me again as he move forward to me. There were blood dripping from his stomach as he walks.

'I'm truly sorry for what I did back there. I try to save all of you but I don't have the enough strength to save all of you. And I regret it everyday that I wasn't strong enough on that day.' I says with tear deeply regretting why I didn't save them back then.

'But now your here with us and we're going to take you with us. Go get a titan and someone hold her down.' Take of her gears.' Thomas order the others beside him and some come to control me from escaping.

Why is this happening? 'I'm sorry, please let me go. I'm truly am.' Then I saw a titan about 7 meters coming to me.

'You don't want to die too, huh? Think about us what we felt back then. Throw her to the titan.' Then they all went away as they throw me in front of the titan.

I don't have any gears now. Making me look weak. I back up not wanting the titan to eat me. As I back up I saw a titan behind me as well. You got be kidding me. I don't want to die. The titan grabs me as I try to struggle to get out of it's grip.

The titan open his mouth as he pull me closer. 'No, someone save me. Please. Nooooooooo!!!'

*Reality*

I wake up with full of sweats and tears. The dream felt real. Then I heard my door went open and someone rush to my side asking me if I'm ok. It was Levi.

'Are you ok,(y/n)? I heard your scream. I thought something happened to you.'

I quickly wipe my tears and says, 'I just had a nightmare, nothing to worry about, Captain.'

'Has it become a habit to you, calling me Captain?'

Well mostly we're not always alone to get used to calling you Levi. 'Sorry, I just got used to calling you Captain.' I smile.

'Sorry about that, Did I wake you up?' I ask him.

'Nope, I haven't sleep yet. Had too much paperwork to do.' He said putting his lamp down as he sit by my side.

He looks at me and say, 'Want to tell me about your nightmare? It's ok if you don't want to.'

'It was back on that day. The first day we managed to claim back wall Maria. I was alone and as I went on and searched for people I saw Thomas and others who I didn't manage to save. Thomas was my friend who was from the 104th trainee corps. He was mad that I didn't save him back then and he left me for titans in the dream and I got eaten.' I got shivers and chills just by thinking about it.

I can't stop my crying even if Levi is sitting beside me. 'It was my fault, all of my fault. I could have save them.' I cry more and more. Levi make an effort and start to hug me.

'It happens, (y/n). It was a nightmare. They won't hate you because you are their friend. I'm sure of that.' He brushed my hair and whispered softly in my ear. Making me calm down and slowly my crying comes to a stop. After I done crying I realized Levi is still hugging me. I quickly get out from his hug not wanting him to hear my heartbeat.

'Sorry, Levi. Now your shirt is soaked with my tears. I'm truly sorry.' I say as I start to blush thinking about the action Levi did for me. 'And thank you, Levi. For helping me calm down.' I give my best smile.

'You don't have to. So try to sleep now ok? Good night.' He lean over and kiss my forehead and went out of my room. I check the door to make sure if Levi left or not. After I was sure he's gone, I squeal out and roll left and right on my bed as I hug my pillow tightly.

HE FREAKING HUG ME. AND HE KISS MY FOREHEAD. He tells me to sleep now but how am I supposed to sleep when he did that to me? I'm acting like a teenage girl who just got a crush for the first time. Calm down, let's try to sleep now.

I toss and turn in my bed finding a comfortable spot to sleep but by now it's look like the time is around 5 am now. Let's just get up and try to sleep when my duties are done. I look in the mirror and I have black eye bags. Ughhhh, I'm already ugly and this make more uglier.

I went downstairs and saw nobody assuming no one is awake yet. Let's make breakfast for them, shall we? I check the cupboard and saw some eggs, flour and some edible foods. Let's try pancake. I don't think they have it here. Let's just make it real delicious so they won't ever forget this.

I make the recipe and found some pan to made the pancakes. I started to do one by one. I heard steps behind and saw it was Petra.

'Morning, Petra. Did you rest well?

'When did you wake up? Looks like you're almost finish making dinner.'

'I wake up around 2 am and can't sleep at all. So I just wash up and here I am, making breakfast for everyone. You can eat now if you want, the first one is already done.'

'What's that you are making? I have never seen that before.' She said as she poke the pancakes on her plate.

'It's called pancakes. The one I used to eat for breakfast. Try it! I hope the taste is delicious. It matches with tea or coffee.'

Petra brings her plate to the table and starts to taste it. After taking a bite her face went to full of joy. Yes, she likes it.

'(y/n), this taste amazing. Make this for me every morning from now on and teach me how to make it.'

'Glad you like it, if you want more I'll make more.' She nodded at me and give me her plate.

'What are you making, (y/n)? I saw 4 heads poking out from the corner. It's Eren, Oluo, Eld and Gunther, and Eren was the one who ask me.

'Pancakes. You can take your plate now. Petra already on her second one. But I make the pancake mix a lot, so you guys can eat til tummy full. Go on, try it.' I said as I give them their plates.

They all give me the same reaction as Petra. My mission is a success. But one person is missing, Levi. 'Petra, is Captain going to come downstairs?'

'He might be asleep or doing his paperworks. He don't usually eats breakfast. Maybe you should more of that pancake and go give it to him.'

I want to but I don't how to face him after what happen last night. Let's man up, girl. You can do this. I make some pancakes and also black tea. I went upstairs and go to Levi's office. You're already here, you'll do fine. Calm down.

I knock on his door and he said come in. 'Umm Levi? I have bring your breakfast since you haven't eaten yet also with black tea.'

'Oh, well..... thanks. I'll eat it later. Just give the tea now.' He said as he drinks the tea and continue to do his paperworks. He have to eat this while it's hot.

'Why don't you eat this while it's hot? It'll be more tastier if you eat it now.'

'I will. Thanks for the breakfast.' He said that but he's not even moving an inch. Guess I'll have to force him. I went up to Levi and take his work from his hand and put it down. Levi give me a look what are you doing? I drag him from his chair and made him sit on the couch.

'I'll go after you are done eating. Just try it. I want to know your opinion. If you want to know it's pancakes.'

'Pancakes? Never heard of it before.' He takes a bite but he don't give a reaction like others did. Did he not like it?

'Is it not good?'

'No, it's not that. It's good. Thank you very much, (y/n).' As he finished it all, he went back to his work place. I pick up the plates and excuse myself.

I'm the only one who is nervous whenever I'm with him. He don't like you in that way, (y/n). Stop thinking you will get special treatment from him. Let's just do my chores to get my mind off.

Firstly, I go to the stable and feed the horses with Eren. Then I start to train myself to improve.

'Let's try to improve my 3DMG gear skill.' I put on my gears and go to the forest.

*Time skip to afternoon*

I have just wash up from all of the sweats and heard a knock on my door. There I saw Petra with her usual clothes.

'Hey, (y/n). I'm about to head into the city. Want to tag along? My father tells me to visit him. I have already asked permission from Captain Levi. So if you have anything to buy you can come along with me.'

'Yeah, sure. Just give me a minute.' I pick up my bag and went to the stable. Then we got on our own horses and went to town.

We got to town after a few minutes ride and left our horses at the temporary stable. Petra said she have to visit her father first, so I tag along with her not wanting to be alone.

Her house is a 2 floor building with simple decoration. It's look cozy to stay. Then Petra introduces me to her family. They all are nice to me, after a few minutes talking with them, I excused myself to go to the restroom. I finished up fast then went back to the living room.

Before I reach the living room. I saw Petra and her father talking.

'How are you and Levi? Did you talk to him about the marriage that I'm planning for the both of you? I want you to get married soon while you are still young.'

Marriage? Yeah that part. I totally forgot about it. I've seen fan theories about Levi and Petra. Petra was Levi's love interest or so I believe. I'm planning to save Petra. I love Levi but we are not meant to be.

After a few moments, I went to the living room and saw Petra blushing. Must be because of what her father said to her. 'Hey, Petra. I'm going to the market. Just come find me in the market when you're about to head back to HQ.'

After I leave her house, I crumble down in the narrow street just beside her house. There is no people here so no one would see my tears. I'm crying? Of course, who wouldn't get sad when you heard your loved one is about to get married to another girl? And Petra is not any other girl, She's my friend.

I would have left her to die if she was bad like how others portraits her in the stories I have read, but all Petra did was show care and friendship towards me. I'm not going to get Levi, aren't I? I guess this is my punishment for not saving Thomas and the others.

I can't sulk down all day. Let's go to the market and buy what I need. But the thing is Petra's father words glued to me  even if I'm trying not to think about it.

I went to the stable after buying and wait for Petra to come. She arrived after a few times and we head back to the HQ.

The day reach night time before I even knew it. We all have a meeting as usual, but I saw Eren keep looking at me. He give me a look Are you ok? Did he notice? I shook my head telling him that I'm fine. After the meeting was done, I didn't head back to my room, instead I head to the rooftop.

It's already night and the words doesn't seem to leave me. (y/n), this coming expedition will change on how you choose. You might die while saving them. Are you brave enough to risk your life for them? Even if I did survive, you'll die from the inside each day. Are you up for it?

I'll try my best. I won't die from a heart break. I'll be fine. (y/n), you'll do fine.

________________________________________

Word count: 2364

Published: 21, September, 2020