DREAM

"She is just as useless as you! I wonder what I had done in my past life to deserve something like this. She does not know anything and her good for nothing brain-". "Stop it! She is my daughter, and I know her better than anyone! She is my precious bundle of joy. Moreover, she has nothing to do with our conversation or our argument so do not talk about my daughter and my life as if you know anything when you DON'T!!!" Amma is shouting at my uncle, her elder brother. Have I done something? Why are they fighting? Am I really good for nothing? Why is uncle looking at me with so much hatred? Am I bad? But I have done nothing to upset him. I am very scared. I try to hide under the table. "You-", amma comes between me and uncle pulling his raised hands towards her...

I wake up all sweaty and sticky. Always this dream, I'm tired of it, please! I touch my face to rid of the sweat when I notice that my eyes were burning. I get up and go to the washroom. In the mirror, I see myself with swollen, red eyes and hair in a mess. God! Even after so many years, this feeling of fear does not leave me. And I wake up every time before my uncle- No, no don't think about it. I wash my face and go to the kitchen to drink water and then I go to bed. I check the time and damn it's 4 in the morning and I have to get up at 7 which is 3 hours from now.

IN THE MORNING:

I wake to the strong light hitting my face. I try to open my eyes and instantly regret it. I again try opening my eyes slowly adjusting to the light intensity. I find my window to be open, maybe amma opened it sometime before. I go to freshen up and go straight to kitchen. "Amma, I'm hungry. Please prepare food". I focus on my mother and instantly regret opening my mouth. "Is the queen awake now? Oh! And for today it is rice balls and chutney. Hope you enjoy your highness", she said it with a sickening voice and here goes my day. God, bless my ears today to pass on to another day in this home. I silently walk towards the plate rack, take out the plate and help myself to food and walk out of kitchen into living room.

"-had to work in sugarcane fields. If not I was not provided with food, my eldest dear son had to keep waiting for his mother. No one came near him to clean or feed him, just 8 month old baby. And this woman think her life is hell What does she know-" and I zoned out. It was my dodda with all that mumbling going on. I know they had a 'talk', I mean what do you want me to call this! I just hope that they don't notice me today or I become invisible. Walk on shells in your own home, with your own people. God, why me?