Use a Brush to Write New Year's Cards for Me!

One day in January, in Yoshiwara, inside Kawaki's room.

"Ah, what a hassle..." Kawaki lay sprawled across the table, his face the picture of misery, "Why do humans have to endure the month of New Year? Can't we just skip to an eleven-month year? Can't we just start from February?"

"No matter how much you complain, you still have to look through and reply to each of these New Year's cards," Seita kindly reminded him.

Looking at the four stacks of New Year's cards on the table, Kawaki grabbed his head and cried out in frustration, "Ah! Why must they send such bothersome things? It's so easy to send a mass text nowadays! You could send out a generic New Year's greeting! Why stick to such a painfully outdated method? Are they idiots?! Is everyone an idiot?! They talk about 'Happy New Year,' where does this 'new year' come from?! This series is stuck in 'Sazae-san' plot mode, where age never increases!"

"Eh—? Really?" Seita dragged out his words, squinting his bean-shaped eyes, and spoke sarcastically, "Weren't you the happiest this New Year? Reuniting with your sister's family on Earth, going to karaoke on New Year's Eve, visiting a shrine together. Can you recall your expression during those days? Could you still say such things after remembering that?"

"I just can't understand!" Kawaki desperately shouted, "Why the obsession with sending New Year's cards? There's no need for them! Keeping those wishes in your heart is enough! I can feel it! Surely, everyone can feel it, too! That's right! These cards aren't necessary; I've understood everyone's intentions! I believe everyone can surely understand my feelings, too!"

"Know your head!" Seita shouted back, his face tilted upward, "Stop complaining and start replying! You useless otaku! I even volunteered to help you instead of Sister Tsukuyo; why are you still complaining?"

"Tch!" Kawaki propped his cheek with one hand and spat heavily to one side.

"By the way, what exactly happened between you and Sister Tsukuyo?" Seita asked casually as he wrote replies, "It feels like something's been off between you two since the New Year. Whether during meals or other times, you two hardly talk anymore."

"Who knows," Kawaki waved his hand dismissively, "That woman is off every day of the year."

"I don't get you two~."

"Shut up, you know-nothing brat!"

"Tsk!" Seita spat softly to the side and then pushed a stack of New Year's cards in front of Kawaki, "Anyway, hurry up; we have to finish all of these today."

An hour later...

"Ha..." Kawaki held a calligraphy brush in his hand, lying heavily on the table, "Feels like I can never finish writing these; what a hassle... Just writing 'Happy New Year' seems like it wouldn't fit in one day... Why are you so enthusiastic about writing? Because you get so little screen time, do you want to share your recent updates there?"

"It's not that!" Seita quickly hid a card that looked more like a diary.

"What about the dojo?" Kawaki asked, "Weren't you supposed to go to the dojo during the holidays?"

"Today, Sister Otae and Brother Shinpachi said it wasn't necessary," Seita waved his hands hurriedly, "because they need to write New Year's cards at home."

"Really, after paying so much tuition, at least teach a bit more seriously..." Kawaki grumbled discontentedly, "What's going on? Such a half-baked dojo."

Just as he finished speaking, Kawaki caught a glimpse of something from the corner of his eye and swiftly grabbed the New Year's card in front of Seita.

"Hey, what's this? You're planning to reply to this one?" Kawaki asked expressionlessly.

"Just thought I'd politely express some congratulations," Seita scratched his head and chuckled sheepishly.

"Congrats, my foot! It's just showing off! Go die in a calorie explosion from a truckload of mayonnaise!" Kawaki cursed and tore up the card in his hands.

(PS: In the 2021 Taiga drama "Reach Beyond the Blue Sky," Keita Machida plays the supporting role of Toshizo Hijikata.)

"Sogo also sent one," Seita said, holding up a New Year's card.

"Sogo, huh? I thought he wasn't the type to send this kind of thing," Kawaki said, taking the card from Haruta and looking at the back.

"The Shinsengumi (True Election Group) also appeared thanks to Hijikata's bandwagon."

"Isn't it over yet?!" Kawaki tore up the card again, "Give me a break, damn it!"

"Um, Brother Kawaki, it's no use," Seita pointed to the dozens of cards on the table, "They all came from them."

"Seita," Kawaki's forehead throbbed with veins, but he still forced a smile, "How about we replace their names with 'those guys' and 'one of those guys'? Their names no longer need to appear in this work! Unnecessary!"

"One of those guys sent a slightly different New Year's card." Saying this, Seita handed Kawaki a card.

Looking at the card in his hands filled with "Anpan" and emitting an incredible amount of dark aura between the lines, Kawaki was silent for a long time before crumpling it up and throwing it out the window forcefully.

"Brother Kawaki, it's no use, 'one of those guys' also sent many of the same," Seita pointed to the dozens of identical New Year's cards on the table.

"Then just throw them all away!" Kawaki shouted, his eyes white with rage, "What's with that virgin? I've heard that a virgin might become a full-time magician after turning thirty, but this isn't just any magician, right?! This is a dark magician! There's a terrible dark aura seeping through every line!"

"Um, Brother Kawaki..." Seita whispered, "You just advertised for 'one of those guys' again..."

"Ah! Crap!" Kawaki suddenly realized, quickly covering his mouth, mumbling, "I accidentally commented..."

(This year, Keita Machida, who played Toshizo Hijikata in the Taiga drama, also appeared in last year's romantic comedy "Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!," and won the Best Supporting Actor at the 106th Drama Academy Awards for it.)

"Sakamoto-san also sent one," Seita exclaimed, holding a New Year's card.

"Tatsuma, huh?" Kawaki took the card from Seita, "Honestly, it's been a while since he appeared. His scenes were cut in the Christmas episode, but I'm still grateful he brought Sister Kouka over from that planet. Can't help it, let him appear this time."

"Supporting role? What's that? Ten years ago, the Taiga drama 'Ryōmaden' had him as the lead! Your level is too low!"

(2010, Taiga drama "Ryōmaden")

"Who are you sending this to?!" Kawaki instantly tore up the card, "How old is this story?! Can you bring this up now?! Is it necessary to dig up a ten-year-old story? Don't appear anymore! From today, you're 'the idiot captain from another group of guys.' Your real name won't appear again!"

"Um, Brother Kawaki, 'the deputy captain from another group of guys' also sent one."

"That woman, huh?"

"It's useless even if you tear it up."

Instantly, Kawaki's expression froze.

"'The other guys' also sent them," Seita pointed to the dozens of spread-out cards on the table.

Looking at the alternating content of the previous two cards, Kawaki felt an urge to flip the table, "Damn it! From now on, they're all 'one of those guys'! Don't even think about using your real names to appear again! Impossible!"

"Brother Kawaki!" Seita suddenly noticed something, his eyes widening as he looked at the card in his hand, "The Kiheitai also sent one!"

"Takaji, huh? Doesn't Takaji get more screen time than 'the other group of guys'?" Kawaki casually said, taking the New Year's card from Seita, "Must be some chuunibyou and artistic phrases again, right? That guy is precious about his persona."

"Ten years ago, the Kiheitai (Ghost Squad) also appeared—All members of the Kiheitai."

"Do you guys also cling to the past?!" Kawaki cursed, his veins bulging, "Or do these guys just want to appear that badly?! No way! Absolutely no more appearances for you! Didn't you just make a cameo over at Inosuke's place?! That's enough! Just honestly, switch to being full-time dads and moms!"

"Katsura-san also sent one!" Haruta exclaimed.

"Zura, huh? Just throw it away," Kawaki waved his hand dismissively, "No need to look at that, just throw it in the trash."

"Um... 'Inosuke-kun is a good kid; I also appeared at Inosuke's place, a whole two chapters of personal special, hehe~ Then, I've been waiting under the window...'"

"Hehe my foot!" Kawaki immediately rushed to the window and opened it while kicking Katsura, who was crouching outside, onto the street, "Go die!"

"It's no use; he also sent a bunch," Haruta pointed to a pile of Katsura's New Year's cards, his ramblings.

"Is Kyubei the stubborn character? Do we not need me because of Kyubei?"

...

"Who exactly is Kyu? My replacement?"

"Hey! That last line is super disgusting!"