Chapter 4

That was the last time I had seen or spoken to Ares.

It had only been a few weeks, not even a month had passed, but I felt like I had exhausted all the tears I would every cry in my entire life. I had betrayed my earlier promise to myself to not shed another tear because of my situation, but the second I was back in my bed replaying everything that had happened, the tears started again and wouldn't stop. My mother tried to talk to me for the first few days, tried to gage how I was feeling, but it was obvious and after I wouldn't open the door and didn't answer when she called, she knew I needed some time and left me alone.

I could smell her scent outside of my door; she'd been there for a while, lingering, probably contemplating whether she should knock or just come in. She was holding a plate of food, my favourite; waffles drenched in maple syrup, but she knew I wouldn't eat. I hadn't been able to stomach food since the mate ceremony, everything I ate just invited a wave of nausea that shortly brought the food back up again, like my body was solely focused on my heartbreak and could do nothing else.

I shifted under my covers, curling up tighter in a ball as I waited for her to walk away, but she didn't. She knocked at the door three times, then turned my handle and walked in, stopping at the foot of my bed. I pulled the covers under my chin and peered at her through blurry, tired eyes as she looked around my room.

"May..." She trailed off, coming to sit by me and placing the plate of waffles on my nightstand.

I groaned and shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. The last thing I needed was a lecture about the state of my bedroom, she knew what I was going through, couldn't she be more sympathetic?

"May...you have to get up, okay?" She continued, stroking my tangled hair.

I did need a shower, I thought, I had taken one here and there over the past few weeks, but I was already overdue one and I didn't want to put it off. I stretched out my limbs and sat up, glancing at the waffles as my stomach lurched.

"The final Alphas are leaving to go back to their packs today, there's a dinner for them before they go." She said, standing up and beginning to clean.

I nodded at her silently, sliding out of bed and wobbling on my feet as she chatted on. It had been a while since I had stood on my own two feet, in a literal sense, and as I began stripping off my clothes, I noticed she had stopped talking. Her hands flew to her mouth and tears welled in her eyes as she looked at me, shock and worry etched across her face.

"May...oh May." She whispered, shaking her head.

I knew what she was talking about. I knew it was bad. Weeks of not eating had taken a toll on my body and I could feel that my shirt and trousers sagged in places they never used too. I'd been muscular before due to the training, much like the other females in my pack, but now I was lean and thin, my muscles had all but gone and my ribs showed through my shirt. It was a drastic difference and would certainly be noticeable, but I didn't care, it was like nothing mattered to me anymore. Like the heart break I experienced drained the emotion from my body and no longer was I able to feel anything.

I dragged myself into the bathroom, turning the shower on and setting the temperature to the highest. The mirror quickly fogged up and I stepped in, wincing at the scalding hot water as it touched my skin. I sank to the floor and let the water soak my hair and cascade down my back, scrubbing at my body.

I sat in the shower for a while, thinking and letting myself cry again. It seemed I had a reservoir of endless tears that would not stop flowing, every time I thought I was done, another thought would come, and I'd get upset again. My wolf was no better; none stop whining to go and see Ares, to defy the Alpha's orders and mark him so he was ours. My wolf had no care for what I was feeling, she was acting purely on instinct and so despite everything, wanted me to mark Ares even though I could not.

I wrapped a towel around myself and left the bathroom, surprised at how clean my room now was. I smiled a little at my mother who was busy pushing the window open, something about having to air the room out, and began pulling on casual clothing, ready to get back into bed.

She turned to me when she'd finally gotten the windows open, frowning as I snuggled into the new sheets she'd changed my bed to while I was showering and raising her eyebrows at me. I looked back at her with a blank expression, already anticipating what she was going to suggest.

"May, you have to get up, you should go for a walk." She suggested, and my heart raced at the idea.

Outside? Where the pack would surely see me? I was getting anxious just thinking about it; their pitiful stares, sympathetic whispers and although I knew they'd be on my side I just didn't want the attention. And what of Ares? I knew his wolf would catch my scent and want to see me, my wolf had done the same and a few times I had been close to it. And what of his new female? What if I saw her and....I couldn't think about it.

I voiced all of these to my mother, who pursed her lips and shook her head. "May, the pack isn't going to say anything, they love you, you know that. And Ares isn't to come near you no matter what." She elaborated.

"And what of his new...female?" I asked, narrowing my eyes slightly as my wolf awoke with hackles raised.

"She's gone, for now. Back to her own pack for the proper preparations. But that's none of your concern." She scolded.

I couldn't deny, my heart raced at the thought that his new female wasn't on our pack lands anymore. I didn't know what I'd do if I saw her. And, since my mother was so adamant on me talking a walk, I agreed to it. Even I could admit I needed the fresh air, being cooped up in my room for weeks didn't do me or my wolf any good, and I figured if anything I'd try my best to avoid anyone by heading straight for the woods.

"One last thing," My mother added, leaning on the front door as I slid my shoes on, "As I mentioned earlier, there's a pack dinner for the departing Alphas that everyone is required to attend. No exceptions, Alpha's orders."

I frowned but said nothing. The Alpha and Luna allowed me to stay away from the pack, but it seemed my time had run out and I'd be expected to fully participate in pack activities now. I pushed the thought away for the time being and kissed my mother goodbye, who smiled at me fondly before shutting the door in my face and ordering me to be out for at least two hours. I chuckled, burying my hands in the hoodie I had thrown on and pulling the hood over my unruly hair. It was a warm day, no doubt I'd be too hot in what I was wearing, but I wasn't ready to face anyone yet about what had happened to me, even more so because of my slightly different physique, which I hoped wouldn't be so noticeable given the baggy clothing.

I walked quietly through the halls of the pack house, opting to take the back doors and the less popular hallways so as to avoid people. I could already hear the bustling life outside; people training, children playing, and wondered if I'd catch a glimpse of Ares or pick up on his scent, but no sign of him so far.

I sighed in content as I finally reached the door that led to the outside, cracking it open slightly and checking if the coast was clear, before sliding out and closing it quietly behind me. I inhaled the fresh scent of the afternoon sun, a smile gracing my lips as I looked up at the blue cloudless sky and began my walk. I felt a pang of guilt for my wolf as I headed for the woods, I'd cooped her up so long, not leaving my room or letting her run in fur form. It wasn't fair to her, but then, it wasn't fair to me either.

What had happened, I had to keep reminding myself, was not my fault. Neither was it Ares', who was just as obligated to obey his father as us and so couldn't go against whatever arrangements they had made with another pack. I was still angry, though, that Ares came to me that morning, knowing I was his mate and didn't say anything. That he touched me, probably under the instruction of his wolf, and allowed himself the pleasure of seeing me and interacting with me, only to turn around and reject me.

Well, he hadn't outright rejected me. Yet.

I shook the thoughts from my head, I was here to take a walk and make myself feel better, not to continue wallowing in self-pity. So far, I hadn't seen another wolf, but then again, I had been so lost in my thoughts I'd wandered deep into the forest and hadn't been watching where I was going. I knew how to find my way back, of course, but I opted to stay a little longer and enjoy myself.

I let my wolf through a little as I continued, pushing down my hood from my head and letting the wind caress my hair. The leaves beneath me crunched under my shoes, but apart from that the forest was silent and I was alone. It was surreal, and I wondered again how it felt to be reined in, watching from a lense as my wolf was. They were unpredictable, arrogant, impulsive beings but they deserved to be in nature. The trees towering above me stood high and tall, leaving me appearing as an ant beneath them. I was lost in the beauty of nature and shivered despite the warm weather and my increasingly stuffy hoodie.

I began to walk up an incline, a small hill, pushing my legs farther and farther until I reached the top. I'd never really been this far into the forest, and it truly impressed me how much land my pack had and could boast about. It made me more understanding as to why Alpha Warren needed to resolve whatever the other packs were feeling; land was a very important political topic for wolves, the more you had the more power you were perceived as having, even if it wasn't true. Wars were fought for land, blood was shed, and lives were lost, and suddenly I felt guilt that I was so angry at Alpha Warren for taking away my mate. I didn't even consider the bigger picture.

I scolded myself, I couldn't feel this way. I deserved a mate no matter what was going on. No one was supposed to take that that from you no matter the circumstances. Alpha Warren just didn't respect wolf tradition, that was that. My feeling guilty was just a product of my confused and haywire emotions. I'd surely be angry once again in a few hours.

My wolf pricked up and I let her forward again, deciding to rest upon the grass beneath me and revel in the silence for a while. I didn't know why she led me this way, but I wasn't complaining, it truly was beautiful from up here. It overlooked most of the pack, including the town centre and the plaza, as well as some of the pack house and the other small cottages some people chose to reside in. It was a perfect place to think about things.

I kicked off my shoes and dug my toes into the grass, laughing as it tickled my feet and pulling tufts out from beneath me. I smelled no scents around, so it seemed not a lot of people came up here, which relaxed me more. Knowing I was completely alone meant I could be myself, maybe even let my wolf fully through so she could experience what I was too.

I shivered again; my eyes fluttering shut as I hummed to myself. Goosebumps erupted onto my skin, and I frowned, opening my eyes and looking around. I sat still, surveying the surrounding area as I searched for a scent. My eyes landed on a figure walking towards me, my heart picked up and my breathing quickened as I stood up slowly, trying to make out who it was.

But I already knew.

I tried to keep a straight face as Ares came to a stop in front of me. For a few seconds we stood in silence, staring at each other and letting the world go on without us. He looked different; stronger, larger, more serious, like he'd been working out more and honing his skills. My wolf wanted to reach out, wanted to touch her mate and embrace him but I reigned her in and shut her out. Now I know why she'd led me this way.

"May..." Ares' voice rang out in the silence and I came to my senses, ignoring the surge of electricity that rolled through my body and turning around to pick up my shoes.

I brushed past Ares and started down the hill, fighting the urge to turn around and run back into his arms. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me; no doubt he saw how small I had become, how tired my eyes were and the sadness that pooled in my heart at the sight of him.

I heard him begin after me and suddenly his skin made contact with mine and I was pulled back. He had grabbed my arm, stopping me and was looking down at me but not saying anything. I stopped in my tracks and growled lowly, but he didn't let go, instead pulled me closer. I couldn't ignore the mate pull and let myself crash into his chest.

It was addictive, all I could think of was his skin on mine as he pulled me into his embrace and wrapped his strong arms around me. I felt myself immediately relax and my eyes closed, I inhaled his scent as he did mine and we stayed in silence, in each other's company as we should have been since the day we found each other.