Chapter 9

The days had blurred together for Austin as they prepared for Max's funeral. The emotions he went through changed constantly.

It was one thing after the other. Food, guests, venues and more. All the mundane things had to be done. There was no one else who could do them. Only Austin. Max had been orphaned at seventeen years old. Too old to be adopted by a family and too young to successfully fend for himself. He ended up using the small inheritance from his parents to put himself through school while being forced to work many different part-time jobs just to survive.

Austin remembered the feelings he felt when Max told him about his past, his parents' accident and his suddenly being all alone. That is until he met Austin. The love of his short life. Max had no idea that Austin would end up being both his saviour and his curse. Not that it mattered at the moment. He was so happy to have finally found someone to call his family. Pity, it had to end too abruptly. To have ended up dying the same way your parents did must have been a hell of a kind of irony. Austin had gone to identify Max, along with his brothers, who had joined him in support. His boyfriend's face had been unrecognisable. Damaged from the impact of the accident. His beauty was lost to such terrible violence. Austin remembered the feeling he felt as he stood over the body of his love. Anger, sadness, confusion.

How could this have happened? Why did it have to happen? Why did the world have to take away his love? Rip it from him in such a violent manner. These thoughts plagued Austin's mind as they pulled up into the driveway of their estate after the funeral of his boyfriend. His brothers had accompanied him to Max's small ceremony. They all had lost a dear friend and Austin had lost his love. There would be no way to ever fill that empty hole up again. He would have to live like that from now on. Empty inside.

Austin had cried through the entire ceremony and Damon had to be beside him at all times since Austin had lost his sense of direction because of all the crying. There was only one time Damon had been forced to leave Austin's side and that was only so he could handle some important business. Austin had never felt so alone. He felt like he could never be happy again. He never even got to talk with Max again after their incident, he never got to tell him how he really felt. He never got to apologise. He never got to tell Max that he loved him. Truly loved him.

Now Austin would never get the chance to. He did however decide to tell it to Max in a letter he wrote, which he had put on his boyfriend's grave after he had been buried. That's as close as he would ever get. He felt like he had managed to get some closure because he knew that Max was in a better place now and that he would look over Austin from now on. Or that is what he told himself at least.

And he wasn't wrong. That very night he got to tell Max everything as he appeared to Austin in a dream...

It was all so bittersweet. On one hand, he had been able to see Max one last time, even if he knew it wasn't real, he could make himself believe that it was. He needed to. On the other hand, the dread in his heart didn't seem to go away, even as he got everything he needed to tell Max off his chest. Something just felt missing. In the end, Austin was forced to be satisfied with his dream encounter with Max because at least he got some kind of closure that night. Something dream Max told him would ring in his head as he awoke the next morning.

"Austin, my love, I'm sorry I had to go so soon. I had planned a lot more for us to do together but now that is not possible. Carry me with you always but don't let your grief or fear control you in a way that prevents you from meeting new people and putting yourself out there. Life the life you have left as best you can, for both of us. Don't be afraid to love again. I will always stay with you, by your side and watch over you, in the good and the bad times. Be safe and remember, I will always love you..."

Austin awoke with wet cheeks, the images of the dream still fresh in his mind. How could Max expect him to just live on like he never happened? He could never. Max was his life and now he was gone, taking Austin's heart and happiness with him.

Then Max's last words to him appeared in his mind, almost as if Max placed them there to remind Austin. "Don't let this steal your happiness, don't let this take away your will and drive to live. Gather up everything you are and kick life's ass!" He recalled in his head with a bitter and pain-filled smile.

He would do what Max asked of him. He was determined to. Nothing would ever get in the way of him living his life to the fullest. He would do everything that he and Max would have done together, only to go to Max's grave at the end of his long trips to tell him about his adventures. Soon enough, the visits became fewer as Austin's heart began to heal, allowing him to move on with his life, but one thing would be for certain. He would never love anyone as much as he loved Max.

So, he closed off his heart to any chance of romantic love and decided to embrace his family and friends as best he could, knowing that not one day was guaranteed.