59 Hope from the First Swallow

Damian was a human being, not an animal, so how could he have so thoughtlessly given into his urges and had sex with this innocent, absolutely sweet man that was Rafał? He, who was not gay and on top of that was engaged!

It was the height of decency. Totally irresponsible. But it had happened, Damian had started something and now he would be acting like garbage if he didn't take responsibility. If after that night Rafał, overcoming his shyness, tried to contact him, it meant he had a reason. Radosz couldn't just ignore him. That would be pigheaded.

“Danusia, I'm sorry, but someone on the set tried to contact me. It could be something important...”

Damian stepped aside and called Brylski. He wasn't sure if the actor would answer the phone, since he might currently be on set, but at least he would know that Radosz hadn't pounced on him.

Brylski, however, picked up after the fourth beep and Damian's heart leapt.

“Rafal, I'm sorry I didn't answer. I had to leave town urgently and wasn't paying attention to the phone.”

“Oh, are you out of town? Did something bad happen?”

“Nothing much. My mom is in the hospital, but the worst is over. I found out so suddenly that I just got in the car. But tell me, did something happen? Why did you call?”

“No, nothing happened," Brylski answered hurriedly, and in this haste Radosz sensed something unnatural. “I guess I just wanted to ask if everything is still okay between us...?”

Damian's heart decided to leap from his chest in joy, but suddenly discovered that it was bound by the steel fetters of remorse.

Damian had made an unforgivable mistake that night, but his heart and his body screamed against reason that it was the most wonderful mistake he could have made in his entire life. Rafał was simply the most beautiful, gentle and enchanting being that walked this earth. Being united with Rafał was like being in paradise... But coming back to reality was like being banished from Eden.

“Of course it's okay," lied Radosz. “For my mother's sake I will stay here tonight and tomorrow and I won't be on the set... Różycki is not bothering you?”

“Of course not," assured Brylski warmly. “Then... Then he was just having a bad day.”

Damian sighed in his heart. Różycki's bad day must have lasted from the beginning of the filming of the series.

“In that case, it was fine. If he gives you trouble again, though, let me know.”

“Uhm, okay. Damian...”

“Yeah?”

Brylski probably wanted to tell him something, but hesitated. Radosz blushed, suspecting that the actor wanted to refer to last night in the conversation. He even considered ending the call without giving him the opportunity to start that topic, but the cowardice of such behavior was too much for him. He squeezed the smartphone harder waiting for Brylski's words.

“No, nothing” said the actor. “I hope that your mother will recover quickly. I have to go now.”

“Call me if anything happens.”

“Yes, okay” agreed Brylski.

Damian pulled down his eyebrows. Finishing the call he had an unpleasant feeling that something not quite good was going on with Rafał.

***

Rafał ended the call with Radosz and sighed. He should have told him about the threat from Tomek, he wanted to do it, but he couldn't, not now that Radosz's mother was in the hospital. Damian had enough problems of his own to deal with yet.

The young actor felt like sighing, but only clenched his teeth. It's not that he expected Radosz to magically solve his problem, he just thought that as a producer Damian had the right to know about this kind of dangerous situation for the set. And Rafał wanted to talk to him as a friend, because he needed a friend the most...

What to do, when Radosz had his own serious problems? At this moment even he needs the presence and support of a friend. How could Rafał require it of him when he should offer it himself?

The only consolation for Brylski was that Różycki actually gave him a break today to the point of practically ignoring him. It was probably the first day like that for Rafal.

In general, everyone on the set was nicer to him today. They didn't show it exaggeratedly or very directly, but the atmosphere, although tense, was a bit looser than always and Rafał didn't sense any hostility directed towards him.

This was probably due to Radosz and his clash with Różycki. It's not that people suddenly stopped being afraid of the omnipotent director, but they seemed to have begun to see some fault in him. The director has to have responsibility for the production and for the actors, and he can't blame them for bad performances if he himself doesn't give them the right guidance.

This subtle change in the attitude of his colleagues was not entirely pleasant, however. Rafal got the impression that pity came along with it, and that was something Rafał did not want in any way. Pity, while not a bad feeling in itself, seemed to take away from Brylski the dignity that comes from the strength to face difficult situations alone.

But Rafał did not have enough time or a calm enough head to deal with the reason why people treated him better today. In fact, he was surprised to notice the change at all, considering he'd lost his virginity the night before and in the morning his friend from years ago threatened to reveal his secret about being asexual.

But wait, wait, Rafał had been intimate with someone that night experiencing it so richly, so fully, that in no fantasy had he achieved so much physical and spiritual pleasure. Could a truly asexual person have achieved such a thing? Perhaps, then, Rafał wasn't at all...?

As the first warm rays of spring sun melt the snow and ice on the fields and meadows, so the awareness that he had managed to experience this pleasure of union with another person, so alien to him until then, poured warmth into Brylski's heart and mind. An asexual person, as far as Rafał knew and experienced, cannot experience the emotional fulfillment that he had experienced that night. This person is not capable of such desire, such experience, such feeling. She is empty during intercourse, therefore so unhappy, meanwhile, that night...

This night, however, the sky parted before Rafal, giving his heart and body a taste of something that was previously beyond his reach. What the young actor experienced that night wasn't fake, it wasn't false, it was as real as possible, although so foreign and unknown. Real and shocking to the extent that Brylski was still unable to fully recover from the experience. That night Rafał felt for the first time in his life that he was fully a man.

Well, admittedly, during the night's experience he performed in what is generally called a passive role, but that didn't change the fact that his masculinity proudly stood up to the task. And it did so with real, unknown pleasure.

Yes, definitely Rafał was not impotent and he was not asexual either!

Suddenly a sharp pain pierced his heart. 'One swallow does not make a spring' said the old folk adage. Nor does one time make the rule. One time is just... one time.

All hopes fell suddenly in Brylski's heart. The exception does not make the rule only confirms it. Brylski glanced around the set, and although he really wanted to see something in someone, anyone, that would stimulate his senses, he saw no such person. So he really is asexual. It wasn't a lie he told himself....

One swallow does not really make spring, but it is a symbol that spring will soon come. For one swallow will be followed by more swallows and spring will be here any minute. So maybe, maybe...

Just one more time, just one more time to experience a similar pleasure as tonight and Rafał will be able to say to himself that he is not asexual, that Tomek's revelations are a malicious lie to make money and falsehood. All he needs is one more time...

But... That first time was with a man. If the second and subsequent ones are also with guys, Rafał will turn from an asexual man into a gay one, and that too was not something that a young actor, whose job was to please mainly young female fans, could get away with.

However, it was enough to solve a most pressing problem. Tomorrow when meeting Tomek, Brylski will be able to confidently say that he has experienced physical love, so if Tomek spreads a rumor about his asexuality (or even impotence), he will be sued for libel.

Yes, that's how Rafał will deal with his problem tomorrow and then... Then he'll find a woman for himself and force himself to sleep with her.