a new beginning (1)

You stare at the tall, spiky haired man and grab his hand. "Yes I do" you chuckled, while you was getting into the car. Karasuma started the car and began to drive. Meanwhile, you fell asleep straight away. Is this a new beginning?

******

Your name is Y/N and all your life you felt like a mistake and a failure and no one can change that. Before you was born, your mum didn't want you, she was 34 and already had 2 kids she didn't want another- she was happy. But for your dad, it wasn't enough, he wanted another baby. Your mum accepted and she gets pregnant, she was blessed with another baby, but for your dad ...he thought he made a big mistake. When you was born, your dad didn't want you anymore, but your mum would never abandon you, so your dad found another way. Another way to try and get rid of you.

Your mum had 2 jobs: she was a cleaner, and a delivery driver meaning that she goes to work at 7am and cleans then does late night shifts for delivery. Unfortunately, she comes back home at 11pm at earliest.

Your brother (Dakene) was 21 at the time already left home and living his life. Your sister (Shiya) was 17, finishing school so she still lived with you, but she wanted to hang out with her friends and start life as an adult. That left you and your dad alone, a lot. He would abuse you physically by punching and kicking you whenever you cried. He found it annoying and was disappointed that you cried at the smallest things. But isn't that what babies do? Cry? Because they need love and attention?

You were 2 months old when it started. All the abuse.

Your mum could never understand why you always cried whenever he came near you or even looked at you. To him: he regretted making the choice to have you and wish that he never thought about having you. To you: you were a baby, but as you grow, you also began to think you was a mistake and a disappointment. Just like your dad always thought and spoke.

One night, it was you and your dad as usual, while your mum was at work and Shiya was at her friend's house. Your dad was punching you while you were on the sofa because he was getting you changed and you was struggling to put your arm through the hole. Shiya was having a sleepover, but she forgot her toothbrush. thankfully. She came back to the house to see your dad abusing you. (Your 4 at this time)

Shiya rings Dakene and he rings your mum. Your mum was 11 miles from home so she would come last to the house. To save you. While your mum is rushing back home, your brother gets on his bike and comes to the house. Your sister was hiding behind the wall in front of the house until someone came. Dakene darts in and gets dad off of you. They start fighting. Your e/c eyes were becoming more tearful now than before when he was abusing you. blood is all you could see. You wanted it to stop, no one should fight your own battles other then yourself. So you screamed to make them stop.

It did .. nothing. Your dad become more in control and grabs Dakene by the neck and strangles him, choking him to death.

Dakene: I love you Y/N, I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough.

His words make you want to kill everyone in your way, no one should ever feel weak. Your brother lies on the floor. Dead.

Your mum comes in the car rushing to find Shiya to see her sitting behind the wall of the house shaking. Your mum tells her to run away so he doesn't get to any of us and make it worse. Little did she know it already did. Shiya runs away we had no idea where she went but we know that she would always be safer now. Your mum rushes in and quickly grabs you and runs. You look outside the window to see the police, you look back to see your dad. He was gone. You start to scream and cry and you tell your mum, she begins to cry too. He got away with it..and he's not getting punished for it. What is this world we live in ?

(Time travelling to age 7)

Your sister is still no where to be found, you think about your brother everyday and what he said "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough". Your mum has found another partner he seemed nice and he was very kind to your mum. She deserves it after what she has been through, seeing your child getting abused isn't something you want to see at all. Your mum's partner moved in, but something wasn't right. He was always out of the house and he started to smell of alcohol and drugs.

One night again, the worst thing happened. Your mum was out at work leaving you two alone. That became your worst fear while he was drunk and smelled like drugs. You was sleeping and he comes into your room and undresses you. Starts to touch you... everywhere. Starts stroking your hair, slowly starts to moves his hands down onto your face and starts playing with your lip, continues to slowly go down with his hands, he reaches your breasts. You wake up, not daring to move. He grabs his belt off his trousers and wraps it around your wrists and tightens it until you scream because of the pain. He continues. From where he left of with. Your breasts. He continues to slowly moved his hands down to your hips and goes up and down. Again. He continues. Moving down above your area. You start to shake and scream. He just looks at you with a smirk and continues to go down. Starts to play with it. You hated it. Again, you felt like a disappointment. He never raped you, but did everything else. You holding it, to you rubbing and satisfying him. He made you suck, jerk his own d***.He forced you to do it too many times to count.

Eventually it stopped but another horror came. Your mum made you stay outside while it happened, but you saw everything. He was kicking the walls, and breaking stuff, he was getting angry that your mum found the drugs and got rid of them. Slowly, he started to seduce her. Starts kissing her and the kiss looked like it could suffocate her. But she enjoyed it. And they started stripping and one thing lead to another.

You was still outside, it was raining. You went underneath the table outside and slept under there. You felt lost and empty. No one was there to care for you, no one's was there to look at you and tell you anything. Dakene was dead, Shiya had ran away, your dad also, your mum was always seduced and loved it so much that she didn't care about the drugs, or he destroyed the house or mentally abused her, or you. But the one person you thought that would always have you is your mum. But she didn't.

You just wanted one person to tell you that it will get better, and that you'll get away from abuse. But that never came.

You woke up from underneath the table, to see the sun and blue skies, with birds chirping. It was beautiful but that isn't your reality. Many weeks after that, your mum's partner started cheating on her, but still stayed at your house and had sex with your mum. Eventually they started drifting apart and your mum's partner found a new partner.

She was lost without him and started to take the blame on you. "You're a disappointment and a mistake, he left because of you now look at the house and me!" She would tell you everyday. Maybe it was. Maybe it was ur fault.

(Time traveling to age 10)

Once again, your mum found a new partner. He was a lorry driver so he didn't see your mum alot, but they met at the delivery place. Your mum was getting happier again, the name calling and blaming stopped, the house got better and best of all, you had someone. Until she found out that he was using you both for money -. you got along with him it took you 2 years but you did it. (You was 10 when you met him and now you're 12) but things come to an end. They broke up. It was you and your mum again.

You was watching the news with your mum to hear "a girl was stabbed at 9:36pm last night. It was a man who stabbed the 29 year old woman in her own home last night. The woman's name was Shiya L/N. The man had apparently stalked her for 10 years and stabbed her. The man escaped but the police say the will stay on the look out."

You couldn't believe it. Everyone you loved is dieing, but the people you want to kill are still alive? Your mum just left the room and went out the house for 3 hours. You just sat there because you knew who killed her. Your dad. 9:36 pm is when he killed your brother, he also ran away, that means he was trying to find her. But he knew she ran away that night when my brother died. But how ?

Your mum found another partner. You gave up. You are now 14 and suffer with trauma, bad nightmares, depression, trust issues and social anxiety. You wanted to kill yourself. You couldn't cope to find out what this new man will do. You didn't care about your mum anymore because she didn't care for you after all this time. What was this man gonna do next? physically abuse you ? Sexually abuse you? Mentally abuse you? Neglect you ? But you still met him because of your mum. You still wanted to see her happy, she was the only person you had. You met the man and it was too awkward because he had a big family and he's very talkative. 6 months later, you still didn't feel comfortable with him. You still had nightmares, was lonely, wanted to kill yourself, ...you was still a mistake and a disappointment.

So you ran away.

Your mum never came to find you, she didn't even care. That's when you realised that there's nothing in your heart, that the last piece has been taken out and been stamped on. You lived on the streets for a week until this tall, spiked hair man comes over to you. You were sat on the floor with your knees up and and your head down. You saw a big shadow come on top of you, you lift your head up to see the man with a blanket and some biscuits. You put your head back down. This is your fight, no one else should fight for you.

The man speaks :" hello my name is Karasuma I have seen you every day here and I think it's time to get you a home, for safety, warmth, and to be loved. I'm sorry I didn't pick you up earlier, I was doing up the house for you. You have your own room with everything you'll need. I will give you some lessons before you go to school. Some tutoring might be nice for you. So what do you say ? And also what is your name ?" You stared at the man. He had planned everything for you, even your own room with blankets and food. The corner of your eye starts to fill with water. No one had cared for you, until now.

"Y/N is my name Karasuma. And thank you." You trembled. You haven't spoke to anyone for months. Karasuma held his hand out and had a car waiting behind him. He put the blanket around you and gave you the biscuits. " Do you like choc- chip cookies?" He smiled as he said. You stare at the tall, spiky haired man and grab his hand. "Yes I do" you chuckled. You got into the car while Karasuma was driving. You fell asleep straight away. Is this a new beginning?