Chapter 5

I get up, I observe the Sun already in all its height. I glance at the clock, sigh wearily, and let my feet drop to the cold wood. With hunched shoulders I go out to the kitchen, take the pill in my hands. I let it sway from side to side, put it in my pocket.

Only today, I promise.

- Sweetie? -My mother appears, the dark circles under her eyes are deep, dark. Another late shift. - Shouldn't you be at school?

I look away embarrassed. Today I fell asleep, but I know how important she thinks, my mother, that studies are. I listen carefully to her steps approach, I walk away. She stops once more.

- Have they messed with you again? - I shake my head, she sighs and changes the topic of the conversation. - Yesterday Grace told me that you had smiled at her in the elevator ...

My mother stared at me again, raised my head, confused. Damned snitch.

Seeing that I am not willing to repeat that thieving gesture for her, she lets out an almost inaudible sob. Her right hand seems to want to stop the tears coming from her eyes, so similar to Dad's. I watch her as she rests her other hand on her stomach, she takes a couple of breaths and sits on the table.

She makes a face when she sees my breakfast cold and intact.

-Neither today ...- She whispers, but at the moment I see how her lips close. With her index finger, she points to her chair next to where she is sitting. I feel like there's an abysmal space between the two of us. - We need to talk.

I nod, I'm willing to listen to her. Although they don't want me to hear it, they try to yell over her voice that has not yet been spoken nor heard. I bring two fingers to my temples and squeeze gently while moving them in circles, but when checking the ineffectiveness of my gestures, I whisper:

- Enough.

- What honey? - I stopped looking at my feet to face my mother. I shake my head, I sit up straight in the chair, I don't want to have back problems. - Well, I wanted to tell you that your father and I have been talking about your ... situation.

I raise my eyebrows, what situation?

-Before you say anything ...- She lets out a soft laugh, although in her eyes I can read a great sadness. Why is she looking at me like that? -I want you to know that we are doing it for your good, we have consulted your psychiatrist and, given the situation, he has advised us a school for ... children like you.

This time my mouth opens as well, but not a breath leaves my lips.

- It's a bit far ...- She says lowering her voice. - But you can come for Christmas and, well, - Her nervous laugh echoes through the room. - They say that you can start this same term, they give the same subjects as in your school.

I get up from the chair, hide in my room. I look at the smiling stuffed animals on the dresser, perfectly arranged. They laugh. Something inside me produces a strange impulse that runs through my veins like a deadly poison.

- Pieces ...

I watch as they explode, soundless, the cotton padding covers the floor of the room.

- Everything! - Instantly, the furniture creaks, the sheets are just strips of fabric, shreds scattered across the scratched wooden floor covered in chips and cracks. The photo frames are just glass scattered on the floor, the pieces of wood camouflaged among the splinters under my watchful eye.

The door rumbles like a drum. I walk through what was once my room.

That feeling in my chest oppresses me.

I step through the broken glass in the window and jump from the first floor. My feet land with feline grace, I run through the busy streets in my teddy bear pajamas. I have never run so fast, my feet barely touch the ground, I leave traces of blood on the road.

I feel like I'm flying through concrete on the sidewalk that soon becomes a dry, deserted dirt road. It begins to surround me with trees that hide my figure in their shadows.

I do not notice tears running down my cheeks, I have my gaze fixed on a single point. I can see it, in the distance, there it is. Soothing. It will give me the slience that I want. I need it.

I stop my feet abruptly, stumble, but manage to keep my balance. When the dust cloud disappears, I meet two pairs of eyes.

- Ailey? - He approaches hesitantly.

- Do not move! - What's wrong with me?

I've never lost my sanity like this, I'm out of my mind. I must not follow this path, I have left the room in pieces. Hell, even my own mother is afraid to talk to me.

I can't take the feeling in my chest anymore.

I scream, I let the sound of my voice echo through the valley, the birds take flight, heartbroken. I put a hand to my throat. I'm not sure my vocal cords survived, but ...

- Hey! -I ignore the voice behind me, by the tone, I know she's the girl from the other day. I still don't know her name. But I don't want to know either.

- Talk to her, Sam! - Will's voice shouted from afar.

- I can't get close to her! - The girl who seems to be called Sam returned the scream.

Unintentionally, I let loose a laugh, is something momentary and fleeting. Yet there it is.

I put my hand to my lips, surprised, I'm smiling. Can not be. I had never felt the urge to laugh or cry. Again, I can't help but wonder what is happening to me. These things make me confused. But the bad mood is gone.

I decide to turn to them.

- Move, but stay away. - I say between soft and sweet words.

They stop just as Will's fist was about to slam into Sam's chest. I look at them impassively, but I feel like they are a comical duo, that feeling inside me disappears when I'm with them. Anxiety, anger, they go away. That's good for me.