Chapter 5:VICTORY IS MINE

I trow on my pair of black jeans, and a black leather jacket with my black ankle boots. I still need to take my car for a wash and polish when I'm done.

After I do everything necessary, i drive to where the race will be taking place. There's a small table in front of me and a very unpleasant looking women.

"What is your name?" she asks.

"Ashley Greene."

" Are you sure you want to do this ?, you look very young and there's some dangerous people out there."

"Just tell me what to do next please." "Yeah uh just go to the tracks, there's a man named Donny he will assist you."

I park my car in the place I was assigned and look around. There are 7 other people and something inside of me tells me i can take them. I actually don't feel nervous at all. There's a girl that walks in between our cars," okay beautiful people start up you engines!" When i fire the first shot you guys are free to go. Winner gets $5000. I hear the sound that assures us the race has started and i go.

It's already the 3rd lap and I'm in second place. Two more laps to go then its all over, Ashley come on you can do this. It's now the forth lap and I'm very close to being in first position.

I see the finish line, and just like that I hear them announce... SKYLINE R34 TAKES THE PRIZE!!! Who is our new participant?.

I see everyone run to my car. Everyone is congratulating me, yess I did it! Victory is mine after all. Andrew would be proud to see me right now. I immediately push the sad thought aside.

I'm driving home after i collect my prize when I hear my phone beep. I check it and i don't believe what I'm seeing. It's a...a naked picture of me! Tears immediately fill my eyes, how the fuck?? What the fuck? When? Who? I had all these questions running through my mind. I felt anger all I felt was anger. I put my foot down on the accelerator and I'm driving like a maniac. It must have been Victoria. I mean who else would do such a thing.

I get home and find myself drinking a bottle of vodka, trying to drown my sorrows in alcohol. I couldn't help but scream all my pain and anger out...im all alone, i don't have anyone by my side. There's no mom that I could go to advise for, no dad to ask who's ass to kick today , no brother to cry to and no friend to tell me it will all be okay. All there was, "was a dark,empty cold feeling of pure loneliness."

I am sitting on the floor and crying when I suddenly lean into the cupboard which makes the glass topple over. I stare at the broken pieces, this glass reminded me of myself. There was a time when I was whole and perfect just like that glass, i was a cheerleader, i was popular and i had alot of friends. There was a time where Victoria and i were best friends. Now I'm just broken like the broken pieces of that glass. I reach for a piece and make cuts on my wrist. All the thoughts of what people must be thinking of me right now were running through my mind. I'm just useless and pathetic and i don't even know why im here.

So I sat there thinking about all the fucked up shit in my life and for each thought I made a cut on my body. I spend that weekend staring into blank space and hibernating in my apartment. I was sick of living the life i lived.

Monday arrived, i do my daily routine and go to school.

I'm walking through the corridors when I notice all the staring and whispering I just pull my woody more over my face. In a way i was using it as my shell. I feel someone shove me in the wall and i look up to see queen bitch. What the fuck do you want? Oh well I thought I might show you what everyone's been talking of she says with the ugliest smile I have ever seen. I follow her to Mr saltzman's class and notice they are naked pictures of me all over the walls.

That was the day I had lost all my self respect. I put my hands over my mouth and tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably. I needed to get out of there so i did what I do best. I ran away from there. I'm heading for the door when I bump into something hard. I look up and see Josh with a confused expression on his face. Everything was a blur right now, i couldn't hear anything and i couldn't see anything all I knew was I had to get out of there.

I'm about to open my car door when someone grabs my arm. Let me go!. No Ashley I'm not leaving you right now especially when you don't have anyone. I feel the world spin , my head feels really heavy and i can feel my self drifting...Oh no, am I really going to pass out right now?

The world was just a war zone for me. I have always felt that way. This harsh world has nothing good to offer. Only pain,sorrow and unhappiness. I do not see a reason for my existence. Why am I here? I do not want to be here. I just feel like I have been through enough! I am going through enough. Why do I need this drama in my life? Why does this universe hate me so much? It's always against me.

I felt like a raging wild river yet I have always wanted to feel like a peaceful lake. Quiet,clear,still and peaceful. That's exactly how I wanted to feel. It's what I needed most in my life.

"So much for victory being all mine."