Chapter 1: what does it mean to be human?

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Ayanokoji POV

I was on a bus... towards my new life in a school where i can live the next 3 years without that man....

Matsuo..... I truly do pity him, he knew what would happen if he did this. Yet he went ahead with it. His kindness killed him, or in the way he put it, his humanity killed him

Humans as a race are disgusting, liars, cheaters, traitors and worst of all, people who will do anything to get on the top..... people like that man

but then there are kind people, the supposed losers who get pushed down due to their 'humanity', the reason that they give up greed for the sake of others to feel satisfaction that they did something good

which type of humanity is best? the kind where you are able to keep rising, endlessly becoming a greater person who will never be satisfied or a person who is happy at the bottom..... not needing to worry about getting more, just living life in a way that makes them..... happy.

Matsuo gave up his life, his everything because he wanted to do the thing he saw as 'right'. He was a kind person..... his kindness has given me a new life, maybe I should try and do what he did for others? even if it will never amount to the level of his sacrifice.

I kept thinking as the bus slowly filled with more students, many people with bright faces, colorful hair and eyes with a shining glimmer, those eyes..... they have so much inside them to see, so much personality and hope for a brighter future..... beautiful.

I was mesmerized with this new world. It felt otherworldly, I truly want to be..... someone who can look like them one day.

I look over to a girl sitting past me, she was reading a book called crime and punishment, a book I had read in the past due to the vast studies i had to do on psychology in the white room. she noticed me looking at her as i looked away, not wanting my first interaction with someone in the outside world being me branded as creep

"Uhm Hello! can anyone give a seat to this old woman?" uttered a brown haired girl with a cheerful voice as I look towards that direction, a very pretty looking girl was standing next to an old woman who needed to sit down.

Isn't it kind to offer a seat to someone who needs it? I should do it

"Uhm.... You can take my seat ma'am" I said towards the old lady and girl as I raised my hand to signal them towards myself

"Thank you so much young man, i truly appreciate it! I hope you have a blessed future!" the old lady said as I helped her sit down, it... felt nice. It's truly a wonder, such a simple act made me feel such warmth and something entirely different from what i had ever felt back in the whiteroom

"Thank you! you are great for giving the old lady seat! I am Kushida Kikyou! what about you?" Kushida asked me as I immediately noticed something deep inside her eyes, they weren't true

but even more....

"So lonely" I muttered under my breath as she gave a confused look

"Did you say something?" Kushida asked as I shook my head

"No.... I am Ayanokoji Kiyotaka, its nice to meet you. It wasn't a big deal to help the elderly, someone would have given her a seat even if I wasn't there" I reply as she laughed at my response

"No need to be so humble! which class are you in!" she asked excitedly as it felt eerie, It didn't feel right to talk to her when she was forcing herself so much, it must be so tiring

"I am in class d..... and you can talk freely with me, there isn't a need to force yourself if you don't want to talk to me....." I said, trying to help her ease talking to me but her reaction was completely different, her eyes flashed into a brief surprise and disgust

"What... exactly do you mean Ayanokoji?" Kushida asked me as I replied, a little scared if i had already messed up

"You seem very lonely... you aren't being your true self when talking to me.... you don't need to hide yourself with me, I much prefer it if you talked to me comfortably" I told her with my monotone voice as she took a step back in surprise and walked away from me

I had screwed up hadn't I? I was too hopeful that people would be accepting..... but Matsuo kept trying when I wasn't being cooperative, it's much too early for me to give up

I console myself in my mind as i notice the gaze of a muscular blond boy with red eyes, I look back at him as he simply smirks at my direction.

I shrug at the gesture and wait till the stop came as I immediately got off the bus and started to make my way to the school that will now be my home for the next few years. A new beginning

"Wait!" I hear from behind me as I turned back to see the black haired girl who was reading crime and punishment looking towards me, was she going to call me a creep? did i ruin my chances at a normal life without even getting to live a second of it?

"Why were you staring at me in the bus?" she asked as I immediately replied in my usual voice

"You were reading a book I am familiar with, how far have you read?" I asked, trying to start a conversation, hopefully being able to make a new friend

"I have gotten till Karpowsky trial scene. It is quite a surprise that someone like you, a highschool boy would be interested in a psychological mystery...." She said as the last part came off as an insult

"I just like psychological books, I enjoy them quite a lot" I said as she nods and asks me another question

"Why did you give your seat up? you had nothing to gain from it" She asked apprehensively

Now the question remained, how can I respond to her question? Do I say it was the right thing to do? Do i give another reason? this girl seems to be the intelligent type so a smart answer would do me the best 

"Because as a human, it was the best course of action for me to help the old woman" I said as the girl looked at me in surprise

"Pardon? what exactly do you mean?" she asked politely while giving me a rude and confusing look

"What else? as a human we are a social species, we function on communication and helping others of our species. I simply did what I thought is the best action for us. That old lady was someone who had lived many years and had wisdom, I do not know her personally and cannot form a solid opinion..... but as a human being, it is the innately correct thing to aid someone in need" I gave an explanation which seemed to have left her floored

"I see..., I will be taking my leave" she said as I looked toward where she was going, I sighed inwardly as I did it again

This day isn't going well for me.... I have talked to two people and both of them didn't seem interested in talking to me beyond a few words that were exchanged. What a pain....

I walked towards my class as I read the plate on top of the room. 'Class D', it seems my new life is now going to begin.

I entered the room as I see Kushida and the black haired girl from before, Kushida seemed to have easily been talking to many people as they we mesmerized by how great she was with them and conversing. I do wonder why she chooses to hide behind a mask, I am sure the Kushida behind is great as well

I looked around the class and easily pin pointed my seat, it was next to the window as well as the black haired girl I talked to before

I made my way toward my seat as I read her name plate 'Horikita Suzune'

I suppose the most appropriate course of action would be to introduce myself, this is our second time meeting and we are sitting right next to each other for the next three years

"Hello, I am Ayanokoji Kiyotaka, it is nice to meet you" I introduced myself as she glared at me, having no effect on my mental

"You just went ahead and introduced yourself?" she said a little accusingly which confused me, did I do something wrong?

"Well yeah, this is the second time we have met and we are sitting right next to each other, so i thought it would be appropriate to do so" I explained to her, trying to be as polite as possible

"Is it alright if i refuse then?" she said but it felt more like a statement

"It is alright, I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable" I said as I realized that I shouldn't bother someone who clearly doesn't want my company

She looked toward me in a little surprise as she turned away and looked to the forward of the class, after a few seconds she said

"Horikita Suzune, that's my name, I am only telling you this as a formality" she said as i nodded

this is the start of a new life, I hope to enjoy it as much as I possibly can