Haze, flow, and clarity

He almost seems radiant, my body's moving all on its own, these short flushed legs moving forward, arms outstretched to embrace that strange boy in front, my lips forming words as his hands wrap around me, speaking lines with excitement, vigor, and affectionate attachment, is this really me?

"Julius!" My heart, why's it pounding so loudly? Why is it aching with missing and nostalgia, piercing me with these fragments of remembrance... yet, I can't see the face of that tall boy smiling down at me, his hand stroking the back of my head with loving care. Gazing up at him all I can see beneath the steel gray bangs is an obscuring fog, twisting and erasing his facial features from my sight... Julius, the name awakens stabs of longing, just how could I forget someone like him? Somebody so seemingly close to my heart?

"I see you found the old institute, what made you come? Were you curious?" Institute? This building? Still, my mouth forms these strange responses.

"Mhm! It wanted me to come here." Huh? This twitch, this boy... Julius must be as confused as me right now, he seems to be hesitating to form a response. I did feel the pull when I came here but what exactly wanted me to?

"Ah, I see, silly me, sometimes I just can't seem to follow, who wanted you to come again?" This sensation... creeping up my lower back clutching its cold grip of anxiety against my spine, why is it arriving now? Expanding its hold over my lungs pressing me for air... my mouth, it's forming a response again.

"The strange man below." His breaths are slightly uneven, he seems to be quite shaken.

"Julius, what's wrong?" Those innocent-sounding words clinging with worry... was I really that unaware back then? Did I really not find my own words to be strange? His slightly shivering arms are akin to a small winter breeze before a storm, evolving this anxiety into a sense of pending doom.

"No, it's nothing, we should get you back home soon, dinner should be ready." He's trying to hide it, but the me right now can tell. Just how much worry have I caused? Even before this hole within my memory.

"Ah, already? But..."

"We can play some hide and seek after, how about that? I'll be the seeker."

"But you always find me so quickly." My cheeks, am I pouting?

"Guess you'll have to find a better spot then, but still, no matter where or how long, I will find you."

"No fun." My cheeks are pouting, but those words, make my turbulent heart fall calm and warm, did I feel like this back then too? He's grabbing my tiny hand gently yet possessing a firm conviction.

"The food will get cold if we don't hurry." My palm tightening around his, I seem hesitant, but no words form across my lips again as I silently nod in response. Our wings burst out, stretching out to their limits before we take off into the far distance where my supposed home lay. This trinity of mat shades and divisions is blurring, breaking down at the seams leaving way for the darkness before waking, ripping me away from that hand I held so tightly.

My vision is hazy, my throat feels parched screaming for moisture, my shivering body drenched in cold sweat seeping into the bedsheets below and the blanket above... everything feels so slow, like waking from a long slumber, this has happened before, hasn't it? Back behind that door, when I was so sick and out of it, Harry took care of me, around the clock making sure that I'd wake again... but, but now that can't be *sniff* Harry... why, why'd you keep secrets? And *sniff, why does death seem to follow you? Why... ough, my lips feel salty, my eyes stinging... A hand pressing some cold fabric against my burning forehead, those red locks, it's the same lady from before... the kind lady dawning robust cyan robes, the one which promised me candy... when I would get all nice and... and healthy? Will I be able to?

"There we go, seems like we got through the worst bit, you should be getting better in a few days." Days? Did she read my mind or something? Did I even... ah, this throbbing heat, it's draining, I doubt I could even move a limb like this. Is she telling the truth? Or is she... just attempting to put me at ease? Huh? The person behind her... Is it James? Of course, it must be, he's helped so much after all... She's turning towards him, her hand still resting firmly on my burning temple alleviating these raging flames.

"Could you be a dear and get the soup off the stove, she's going to need some food soon." Soup... right, there is an aroma flowing through the air, different from the flowers, grass, and orchids from outside the window, something potent, slightly gamey, complimented with a waft of strong herbs. The blonde head is turning around heading towards that unclear door at this room's edge.

"Sure thing, you won't have to wait for long." So light and bright, yet oozing with security and confidence... did James always sound like this? The cling of his voice just seems... different somehow, am I just overthinking this? Her hand... it's moving away, there are sounds, smaller drops splashing against a larger body of water by the bedside, just when did she bring a bucket? Her unclear hand is returning with that dowsed towell chipping away at this blazing inferno.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I know it's hard right now, but just for some food and a bath, then you can go back to dreaming, It seems you had a good one before you woke just now." Creaking, taps against the wooden floorboards, and the smell from earlier growing stronger and more pronounced, bathing this room in its flavor, he must be back already.