89. Flash Gordon ~Miguel JoJo vs. Levi Zeppeli~

"Anne... I really don't wanna do this..." said Miguel, as Anne smiles and pushes him into the "ring."

Miguel JoJo faces off Levi Zeppeli in a caged ring. Levi brings out his Stand, Flash Gordon, as Miguel brings out his, Star Platinum.

Flash Gordon is a dinosaur Stand that resembles a small humanoid dinosaur with a beak. It is golden in color.

"Bring it, old man!" yelled Miguel, as he pinches his hat and slides his fingers on the bill. He then points to Levi, posing with his chest out and two fingers pointed at him. "STAR PLATINUM: THE W-!!!"

*buzz*

*zzt*

*CRACK SPLAT*

Miguel screams in pain to see that his arms are torn off.

"MIGUEL!!!" yelled Anne. "DAD!??"

Levi smiles as Flash Gordon drops Miguel on the ground.

The cage is opened and Anne runs inside of it.

"MIGUEL!!!" she yelled, grabbing Miguel's head.

Two Weeks Later...

Miguel, now overweight, grabs a full can of Spam and Vienna Sausage and puts it in the oven with some onions, butter, and oil, baking it. He then grabs a cup full of rice and puts it on a plate. He then puts pickle relish, mayonnaise, ketchup, and hot sauce, mixing them. Miguel puts the onions, Spam, and Vienna Sausage into a chopping board then chops them. He then "spices" the mixture with the onions and chopped meats. He then puts some freshly chopped lettuce and tomato. He then grates a lot of cheese on the abomination.

"Hey, kids..." said Miguel, as his two children look awfully concerned for their father. "I can't seem to marry your mother so here I am creating my greatest creation yet! The Spamburgerwich Rice Meal Edition. Since there's no bread, I used rice instead.You know, kids... I eat this when I'm depressed. You should have depression food, kids! Huh? Eh?"

Raphael shakes his head and crawls away, hooting.

"Miguel," said Anne, crossing her arms and walking inside the dining room. "You should ask my dad for a rematch."

"Anne... I don't think I'm ever gonna get a happy ending. Y'know why?! Society..." said Miguel, gorging the meal in only a few bites and lying down in a fetal position on the dining room floor.

"Miguel!" shouted Anne. "I thought you don't eat red meat because you were forced to eat Cryptids on the island!"

"I do now..." said Miguel, as his fangs showed. "Rawr... Don't you think I'm a sexy Vampire, Anne? Eh? Hiss... Hehehe..."

"Miguel... I can literally smell your ass from over here. Take a shower," said Anne, putting her fists on her hips akimbo.

"Let's elope! Abandon everything!" shouted Miguel.

Their kids growl at him.

"Except you two," said Miguel.

Iggy the Dog growls at him, too.

"Neither you, Iggy," said Miguel.

"Miguel... Just please fight my father," said Anne. "Why? Because I feel like you would do anything for anyone else that needs you. Everyone except the people who actually care about you.You're a Goddamned great hero, Miggy... A great dad, too... So, be the guy worthy of becoming my husband. Be that guy that everyone's heard of in the news, okay? For me?"

Miguel thinks for a second.

"Nah..." said Miguel.

"BUENA-!!!"

*ZIP*

Miguel's face is zipped in half.

"OKAY!!! OKAY!!! JESUS!!!" yelled Miguel.

The next day...

"Alright, ladies!" yelled Marceline. "Ms. Anne Zeppeli assigned me to toughen up you wankers! So here I am to straighten you up!"

Marceline leans toward Miguel's face.

Miguel is Marceline's only student right now.

"I'm not comfortable with all this sexism. Calling me 'ladies,' just to insert dominance? Don't you know that that's sexist?" asked Miguel.

"You can't be sexist to your own sex!" yelled Marceline, flicking Miguel's forehead.

"Ow," said Miguel.

"So, ladies!" yelled Marceline. "Today I'm going to watch your bones break like KitKat bars. Your muscles will wear out like bean bags seen in the background of a YouTuber's only fan's account! I'm going to tear you in half, tear off your arms, break your legs-..."

"All happened to me," said Miguel, raising his hand and pointing to himself.

"Silence!" yelled Marceline. "You do not speak unless spoken to! Got it!?"

"Yes, Ma'am," said Miguel.

"Call me Absolute Unit Marceline," smiled Marceline.

Meanwhile...

Josuke walked around the park holding some books where Sonia once again bumped into him.

Josuke, seeing her, immediately covered his face with these books out of embarrassment.

"Hey... I wanted to say that I'm sorry," said Sonia. "I didn't know that you had problems."

"Everyone has problems," said Josuke, as he went around her and walked away.

Sonia followed after him.

Josuke, unhappy, kept staying away from her and covering the lower half of his face.

"Hey," Sonia said sternly.

"I need to go home... I forgot to turn off... the... clock..." said Josuke, as Sonia grabs his shoulder and spins him around.

"You didn't say that we're cool-... Wait... 'Turn off the clock?' What?" asked Sonia. "What kind of excuse is that?"

"I dunno," said Josuke, still covering his face with the books.

Sonia grabs the books and pulls them down.

"Ugh..." said Sonia. "Just say that we're cool and my guilt would wander off into hell or something."

"'We're cool,'" said Josuke, frowning in fear.

"Yay! Great!" shouted Sonia, smacking his back.

Josuke smiled softly.

"Wanna go out and get some food? I know a nice place," she smiled.

"Wait... Like a date?" asked Josuke.

She laughed. "Ew! No!" she chuckled. "As friends."

"F-Friends?" smiled Josuke. "Sure!"

Note: Josuke only wants friends. That's literally his entire character arc. ;(

Meanwhile...

The rest of the Jazz Fusion walked into another Convention, the Gamer'sChoiceCon, a convention where people see the best upcoming videogames in the next year.

"I can't believe your Earth has a version of Guardians of Sunshine that's made... IN 3D!!!" yelled Finn.

"You mean Guardians of Sunshine 3D World?" asked Gumball. "Yep."

"I can't believe that he has a name! What does Glu mean?" asked Finn.

"Hehe..." smiled Darwin. "He's the glue that sticks the whole world together."

"Haha! Wow! That's lame!" smiled Jake as everyone frowns. "But awesome!"

Everyone smiles once more.

The six enter a screening of Guardian of Sunshine: Iliad, following an open-world version of the game with amazing graphics. Glu is seen bouncing on several platforms, dodging evil monsters like Hunny Bunny, Sleepy Sam, and everyone's favorite bad guy, Bouncy Bee. They also see several other smaller minions, the Burger-Bites, turtle-like burgers the player is meant to bounce on and kill for food and health. There are also the BBs, a group of Bee Minions that fly around that you also have to bounce on or slay. Several minions and creatures are shown in the game as Glu is shown hopping around all of them.

"Oh! Hey guys!" smiled a familiar face.

The Fusion gasps.

"Hayato!" they all laughed.

"SHUSH!!!" shouted a guy.

"Guys! It's Guardians of Sunshine: Iliad! I can't believe that it's coming out this year, 2016! Oh... my... God!" smiled Hayato.

"I knew that Satanists have souls!" smiled Spongebob.

"Ngyeheheh... *snort*..." another familiar face appears from behind them. "Hello, losers!"

It's...

"Astronaut Variety Hour..." The Jazz Fusion hissed.

"Hello, Jazz Fusion. Ngeheheheheh," he chortled. "I see that you're still being losers even though you're world-class Superheroes! Ngehehehehe..."

"Why are you even here?" asked Finn.

"Last week, there was the Guardians of Sunshine Event. The quote-unquote 'Greatest Event in Guardians of Sunshine History!' was used by the creators as a scam to gain 40 Dollars from everyone around the world! I am here to expose that!" yelled Astro.

"Screw you, Astro!" scoffed Hayato. "Us Guardians of Sunshine Fans will defeat your pessimistic hater ways!"

"Yeah!" yelled the Jazz Fusion.

"Well, Jazz Fusion..." he said, mockingly. "The revolution... HAD ALREADY BEGUN!!!"

A group of haters started protesting outside, soon gathering a crowd with signs trying to bring down and cancel the creators of the video game.

"Oh, dear God, no..." whispered Gumball. "Guys? We have to stop this...I'll wish for a piano to fall on top of them right now."

"WHAT!?" asked Jake.

"Jesus, Gumball!" yelled Hayato.

"Sorry... Went too far... I'll just arrange a strain of events that'd save Guardians of Sunshine," smiled Gumball.

"Hey," said Hayato. "Aren't you dating the serial killer who killed my Mom?"

"Yoshiko said everyone she killed was evil," said Finn, smiling.

"'Kay," said Hayato.

Meanwhile...

Miguel is now muscular like before, but is now slightly buffer than his original slender self.

"I don't know what I've been told! A woman's monkey's good as gold!" yelled Marceline, as Miguel followed her while jogging their 71st lap.

"Marceline... those aren't the lyrics," said Miguel. "Also, I'm buff now. Can I go home now?"

"Nope," smiled Anne, jogging with the pair.

"Oh. Hey," sighed Miguel. "I'm starting to miss my Spamburger. Can I-?"

"You are never eating that again! I donated all our Spam to the local orphanage," smiled Anne.

"You evil wench," hissed Miguel.

"I will still be unless you face my father," said Anne. "And gain my blessing."

"Oh, please! It's not like you even love me in the first place," said Miguel, rolling his eyes as Marceline and Anne immediately stop jogging. Miguel, however, kept doing it. He realizes they stopped and turns around. "Yeah? What's wrong? Enemy Stand-User nearby?"

"You realize what you just said, right?" asked Anne.

"Enemy Stand-User-?" asked Miguel.

"No..." said Marceline. "I believe you said you doubt that your own fiancee loves you?"

"Oh! Yeah! Always have been unrequited since High School," smiled Miguel, as he turns around and jogs away.

Anne harpoons Miguel back to herself with a Zipper Kusai and angrily stares at him. "What the hell do you mean 'I don't love you?'"

"What? Pfft! Do you?" laughed Miguel.

"I'm gonna go," said Marceline. Marceline continues to stare at both of them. "My body won't respond to what my brain is saying, so I guess I'll stay..."

"Wait... all this time, you think I've never loved you? Is that why you've never said that you love me back!?" asked Anne.

"Well... Yeah!" shrugged Miguel.

"BUENA!!!" yelled Sticky Fingers, striking Miguel. Star Platinum blocks her punch by grabbing her hands.

"Anne?!" asked Miguel.

"So... this is how you have arguments? Cool," smiled Marceline.

"BUENA!!!" yelled Sticky Fingers, blasting her fists toward Miguel.

"Since apparently, I'm the only one who doesn't reciprocate your feelings, APPARENTLY... I've always been the bad guy, RIGHT!?"

"BUENA BUENA BUENA BUENA BUENA-!!"

*ZIP ZIP ZIP ZIP*

Miguel gains vertical cuts with zippers all over his body: His arms, his throat, his face, over his eye, his chest, his legs, his hands, and his feet.

"Anne..." gasped Miguel, trembling in pain. "What the absolute fuck?"

"How many times do I have to say 'I love you,' just for you to know that I actually love you!?" shouted Anne, in tears.

"Can I-... *gag*..."

*SPLAT*

"-...talk... now? *gasp*..." asked Miguel, bleeding all over.

Anne nods very softly.

"I'm sorry... if I hurt you. But I gotta say... I just didn't think you love me," said Miguel.

"Why!?" asked Anne.

"Because... *gasp*... I can't... believe... that someone... out there... does..." gasped Miguel. "I hate... myself... Anne... I think... it's just a toxic... *gasp*... habit of mine... to believe... that no one... out there... ever will... love me... because... my parents said... that's what I'll always be... An unlovable joke..."

"Oh, save me the sob party!" yelled Anne.

"Dude..." said Marceline.

"What!? I know that that's not the reason!" yelled Anne. "Spit it out, bitch!"

*zip...*

The zippers got a little wider.

"Fine..." whispered Miguel. "Self-deprecation because you never loved me in High School."

"What!?" asked Anne. "People's feelings change, Miguel. I mean... You don't love Polnareff, anymore, right?"

Miguel looks down. "Yeah..."

*ZIP*

The zippers got wider.

"OKAY!!! Maybe a little! *gasp*..." Miguel's breath went shaky.

"I can't say that I'm not a little hurt by the revelation..." said Anne. "So... You're going to say it."

"Say... *gag*... What?"

"Say, 'I love you.'"

"What!? Wrry... *cough cough*... Why!?"

"Say... IT!!!"

*ZIP ZIP ZIP*

The zippers got even wider.

"OH DEAR GOD!!!" yelled Miguel.

"If you won't believe it, I'll force you to believe it," she clenched her jaw. "Because I know that you already do... So... SAY IT!!!"

*zip*

"SAY IT!!!"

*zip*

"SAY..."

*zip*

"...IT!!!"

"Okay... f-fine..." trembled Miguel. "I... love you."

"Hihihi!" she laughed, grabbing her cheek.

*ZIP*

*SPLAT*

"OH DEAR GOD!!!" shouted Miguel, as his eye splits in half.

"Sorry!" yelled Anne. "Now I'll say it... I love you, too."

"Sure," said Miguel.

*ZIP*

"APPRECIATE IT!!!" she howled.

"I APPRECIATE YOUR LOVE!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BABE!!! YOU'RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! MARRY ME MORE, YOU BEAUTIFUL PSYCHO!!!" sobbed Miguel, as she closes the zippers.

"You're ready!" giggled Anne.

Miguel drops to the ground in pain, breathing heavily and half-dead.

"Remind me to never piss you off," said Marceline, still watching the whole ordeal.

Meanwhile...

"And that is why Astronaut Variety Hour is wrong and why we should make sure to not cancel Guardians of Sunshine!" yelled Darwin. He is on stage in front of a podium next to AVH who stands in front of a podium as well.

The crowd cheers from Darwin's excellence in debating.

Darwin crosses his arms and smiles at AVH.

"I'll get you next time, Jazz Fusion!" he sniveled as he ran away backstage.

The Jazz Fusion gather around and laugh, high-fiving each other.

"Yeah!" laughed Finn.

Suddenly, a man walks up to them. "Pay up."

"What!?" asked Gumball.

"Forty... dollars," said the man.

The Jazz Fusion gasps.

"He wasn't lying!?" asked Spongebob. "Astronaut Variety Hour was right!"

"False leader!" yelled a man in the crowd.

"Take away their ranks as Guardian of the Sunshine Mystics!"

The Jazz Fusion gasps.

Later...

The Jazz Fusion bow their heads, each looking depressed.

"We lost our ranks and our forty dollars!" yelled Gumball. "Guys... Is an event worth it? Are all cons... cons!?They just made us give forty dollars to pay for an international event that is free in their homeland! They have no respect for international fans!"

"It isn't fair..." yelled Jake. "We should talk to the creator and get out forty dollars back!"

"He's already on a flight back to his home country! Japan!" yelled Finn.

"Then... we'll go there," said Patrick, squinting his eyes.

2 minutes and five seconds later...

A portal is opened for them on Prince Earth's Japan outside of the creator's building.

The Jazz Fusion walks into the building.

Gumball slams his hands on the counter. "I'd like to have a word with The Creator."

"Ah..." said the woman. "A set of angry fandomites. I must say, I could, sadly, you'll need an appointment."

"If you don't have us talk with him right now, we will break your institution to the ground," said Jake.

"Very well... But you must go through first... The greatest Business Ninjas of All of the World," said the woman.

"What?" asked the six.

"Security," said the woman.

"HAHAHA!!! NOTHING COULD STOP US... THE JAZZ FUSION!!!" yelled Darwin, cheering.

A few minutes later... they're in fandom jail...

"Except probably the law..." said Finn.

Gumball asks. "What the hell is a fandom jail!?"

"A place where all the fandomites stay..." sighed a fan next to them.

"No... Fans! People who love the game and only wanted to complain!" yelled Finn, speaking up. "We, the fans, have every right to complain to the evil corporations that overcharged us for an event. Or gave us terrible gifts so that they'd buy us out! Or didn't pay attention to our petitions about how we don't like the design of this character! Or our justified hashtags in Twitter when a corporation is being toxic with their creators! We must rise, everyone! It is the Time for the Rise of the Planet of the Fans!!!"

The people in jail cheered.

Jake made a key-shaped hand and opened the door for them and later everyone.

"Hey!" yelled a guard, as the guard beat Finn. Out of fear, the fans went back to their cages.

"Get! Get down!"

The security guard hit Finn over and over again with a stick.

Finn managed to grab the guard's baton with his Stand.

"Get your paw off me you damn dirty fandomite!" yelled the guard.

Finn yelled. "NO!!!"

The jail went silent.

Finn MUDAs his face.

"NO!!! NO!!!"

The fans cheered and howled like apes.

(theme begins)

The army of fans in the time-out cells all attacked the security guards. Outnumbering them, they managed to defeat all the staff and managed to walk up to the creator.

Papers flew away. Tables were thrown. Chairs were flipped.

The fandom army, led by the Jazz Fusion, fought against the tyrannical evildoers that are the corporations.

"WE ARE THE FANS!!! WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY!!!"

Ninjas came out of the staffroom and shot ninja stars at the group. Jake blocked the ninja stars and shot them back at the ninjas.

Robots came out and started shooting nets at them as Gumball used luck to have each of them short-circuit.

Holographic V-Tubers then crawled out from the toilets and started giving passes to many fans to their Only Fans Accounts. However, Spongebob wished for a bazooka and blasted the Vtubers to oblivion.

More Ninjas came, and Darwin transformed into a bear and mauled them all.

Patrick used Rock Bottom and Finn used Time Adventure to fight against the experiments known as Titans who happened to be just partying on the 61st floor.

They reach the final floor, the 88th. There, they meet The Creator of Guardians of Sunshine: Shigeru Geru.

(theme begins at 1:11)

"Geru..." said Finn, approaching Geru.

"Ho? Are you approaching me?" asked Geru.

"I wouldn't be able to beat the crap out of you without approaching you," smiled Finn.

(theme ends at 1:27)

Meanwhile...

Miguel breathes in and out, calming himself down as he faces Levi Zeppeli.

Levi charges toward Miguel as Star Platinum immediately stops time and punches him in the face, knocking him out.

Time resumed.

"See? Miguel self-sabotaged himself when fighting my dad earlier," smiled Anne to Marceline. "He just needed a push to love himself more."

"Sir?" asked Miguel. A puddle of blood leaves Levi's face and pours on the ground.

"Oh, dear God," said Anne, as everyone rushed to Levi.

Later...

Levi wakes up in a hospital bed.

"Oh, dear God!" yelled Levi, as he looks around to see that he's in a hospital room with Miguel and Anne in the room. "I... give you... my blessing... asshole..."

"Cool," smiled Miguel.

"Thanks, Daddy!" smiled Anne.

"Don't come for two Christmases," said Levi.

*beep beep*

"Yeah?" asked Miguel, picking up his phone. "They what!?"

"BREAKING NEWS!!! TOXIC FANDOM OF GUARDIANS OF THE SUNSHINE CLAIM THEMSELVES AS OVERLORDS OF ALL MEDIA!!!" said an announcer on TV in front of them.

"FANS... TOGETHER... STRONG!!!" yelled Finn, holding a shotgun and waving it in the air.

Meanwhile... somewhere...

"You want us to do what, exactly?"

"I want you to kill each of the Jazz Fusion. The Boss says that he needs us to do this and he'll give each of us what we want."

"What's in it for us? Rootbeer? Hahahaha... That joke would make sense if you've heard of the story when I asked my cousins to take the Krabby Patty Secret Formula. Ngahahahaha..."

"All I want is revenge for the Spongius and the Asteroidea."

"All I want is to destroy Gumball..."

"All I want is the Candy Kingdom and Ooo."

"All I want is to destroy... all... life..."

"You'll get all of that. How? We'll give you worlds... worlds where all life is destroyed. Where you can have all the secret formulas you want. Where Gumball doesn't exist and you are the main character. Any world you desire!"

"And who are you supposed to be?" asked Diablo. "What gives you the right to have power over all of us?"

"Because I was capable of defeating the one man who you all fear... His name is Miguel JoJo," smiled the man. "He hates me because... I'm the last man who killed his mother."

"What is your name?"

"Call me... Cassandra Beyonce."

"Oh... you're a woman."

The man slowly transforms into a woman.

"I can be anything you want, baby."