343. JoJoverse Chapter I: Welcome to the JoJoverse

Miguel Ibarra walks toward a lone piano in the spotlight of a stage.

Miguel, still wearing his sunglasses and jeans, smiles at the camera. He is bare-footed like usual and his shirtlessness shows his abs and his spells.

He begins playing the piano and sings.

"Welcome to the Multiverse!Have a look around.Anything that 'brain' of yours can think of can be found.We've got infinite possibilities.Some better, some worse.If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first!Welcome to the Multiverse!Come and show your love.Would you like to see your fate or if you're doing your stepmom?There's no need to panic.This isn't a test, haha!Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest!Welcome to the Multiverse!What would you prefer?Would you like to fight space raptorsOr fight some Eldritch birds?Be happy!Be horny...Be bursting with rage!We got infinite different ways to engage!Welcome to the Multiverse!Put your cares aside!Here's a world where you don't exist.Here's a world where you just died!We got Blutbaden and Vampires...! And fantasy worlds!And a bunch of disgusting realitiesOf all the different characters in Adventure Time fucking each other!Welcome to the Multiverse!Hold on to your seats!Someone from the future killed you when you were still a kid!It was gruesome and off-putting!He just brought you back!Hey, stop killing him! Just cut him some slack!See your zombie MommaIn Pajamas. See Cthulu!See Bill Cipher and Lucifer...See Phil Swift's Flextape, too!Find a world where you're a boomer!Or a world where you're a cute girl!Or a world where you're still with her!Or a world where you're The Reaper!And here's a world where you're a god!And where you killed your Mom!And where everybody fucks you!And where you aren't that dumb!Which Power Ranger are you?You're Red Ranger, hooray!Here's a reality where Magneto killed President JFK...

Could I interest you in everything all of the time?A little bit of everything all of the time?Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime!Anything and everything all of the time!Could I interest you in everything all of the time?A little bit of everything all of the time?Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime!Anything and everything all of the time?You know, it wasn't always like this?Not very long ago!Just before all time!Right before the TVA fell!Kang's little whines!This was a sacred world.A single world.A possibility or two!We set our sights and spent our nights.Waiting...For you!You...Insatiable you!God let you do anything!You were barely two! (Weeks old, that is!)And it did all the things we designed it to do!Now, look at you...Oh, heh... look at you!You, you!Unstoppable, watchable!Your time is now!Your inside's out!Honey, how you grew!And if we stick together...Who knows what we'll do!?It was always the plan...To put the world in your hand...Hah hahahaha...*GASP* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *GAAAASP*Could I interest you in everything all of the time?A bit of everything all of the time?Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime!Anything and everything all of the time!Could I interest you in everything all of the time?A little bit of everything all of the time!Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime!Anything and everything!And anything and everything!And anything and everything!And all of the time!"

Part 13: JoJoverse. Yes... The name is unoriginal.

Ten years ago... 2001...

"Whoa!" smiled Irene. "So you quit Marine Biology and became the CEO of this place!?"

Irene, with Jotaro holding her hand, walks in the halls of the Speedwagon Foundation.

"Pretty much," smiled Jotaro. "And you get to be the owner of this place when you get older."

"Really!?" smiled Irene.

A young Shizuka, her younger sister, is holding Annalisa's hand, their mother.

"Yes... all of it," smiled Jotaro.

"And my sister!?" smiled Irene.

"Yes..." said Jotaro. "Even your sister..."

"Whoa!" smiled Irene. "I'll work hard to inherit this place no matter what!"

Now...

*step step step step step...*

The prison's gates open as a woman with long green hair appears with a pair of black buns on her head.

"Irene Kujo!" yelled the man. "Step outside, please!"

Irene Kujo picks up her old stuff and she puts it in her backpack.

"Apparently some Priest named Enrico Pucci was mysteriously killed. He set this young woman up," whispered one prison guard. "A lawyer named Miguel Ibarra brought her case back to the spotlight and she's freed by that weird lawyer dude from Earth-777."

"How'd he die?" asked the other.

"There was a hole in his chest. About the shape of a really large fist."

"Do you think that it was The Hulk from Earth-616? I mean... they have connections with him..."

Irene sighs as she walks outside of the prison. She is then picked up by Narciso Anakiss and Mercuria Costello. She takes a ride...

"Yare yare dawa..." she sighed. "Welp... Let's get to New York and meet my father..."

This Universe... is Earth-Star...

A few days later...

"PAPA!!!" yelled Irene, leaping toward and hugging Jotaro tight.

"Tch-..." said Jotaro. Jotaro softly hugs her back. "Hello, Irene."

"Sheesh! Call me JoJo!" yelled Irene. "That's the name you called me!My friends are here, too!That's Domenico Pucci. This is Narciso, my fiancee. And that's Ermes, my bestie. Oh! And those are two people that I've found! One is Atroe F.F. and the other is Emporio!"

Jotaro turns to these people. "That's great, JoJo."

Irene Jocelyn Kujo. 174.5 cm. 19-years-old. She is one of the daughters of Jotaro Kujo and Annalisa Zeppeli. She is currently the heiress to the Speedwagon Foundation. She wears a yellow crop top and a pair of blue jeans. She has a light green belt. She has green hair and two black buns on her head. She has blue high-heeled boots.

"Gureto daze..." said Josuke.

Irene smiles and runs to Josuke, hugging him. "Josuke-Nii!!!"

"Hey, Irene..." smiled Josuke. "Remember Giorno-Nii?"

Giorno walks up to her and she hugs him as well.

"Well, well..." said Jotaro.

Josuke and Giorno gulp.

"You both are still pretty close to her, huh?" asked Jotaro.

Jotaro turns to Domenico. "Hello, Dom."

Domenico shakes Jotaro's hand. He nods.

"You know each other!?" asked Irene.

"I actually asked him to pick you up," said Jotaro.

Jotaro turns to Narciso. "You must be Anakiss."

"Hello, Mr. Jotaro," smiled Narciso. "I love your daughter... and... We would like your blessing for her hand in marriage."

Jotaro squints his eyes and looks at him up to down. "Okay."

"ALRIGHT, BITCHES!!!" yelled Vegeta, entering the scene. "WHERE'S THE SCOTCH!? OR IS THIS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR POTLUCKS!?"

"This is a celebration for my daughter's marriage with Narciso," said Jotaro, squinting his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah!" yelled Vegeta. "WHERE'S THE FOOD!?"

Goku walks in. "Hey, Getes! Look! Look what I could do!" He waves the pencil up and down as it goes wavy.

The other members of the Jump Force are all there.

"Okay!" smiled Koichi. "Let's eat!"

Later... that night, Jump Force and Irene's group all ate at the large table of the restaurant... Everyone was laughing and cheering for the new couple... There, she even meets her younger 14-year-old sister, who acted indifferent toward her...

Irene slept beside Narciso that night. She kisses his cheek and smiles.

She stands up and stares at the moonlight. She begins to turn red.

Suddenly...

"ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!!!"

Irene's eyes widen. "What the hell?" Irene sneaks out of the room.

She sees Jotaro being strangled by...

Kenneth...

Jotaro tries to get closer to him and copy his Stand using Star Platinum Requiem, but Kenneth simply uses a forcefield around him as he strangles Jotaro by the neck.

Jotaro growls as Kenneth snickers softly.

"We've captured all of them..." said Kenneth, speaking to the radio.

Irene's eyes widen.

She runs into the room and tries to call for Narciso, but she sees that he's being captured by The Joker.

"NARCISO!!!STONE FREE!!!"

"ORA!!!"

The Joker stabs Irene in the belly as she shrieks.

Stone Free then wraps its strings around The Joker's face and electrocutes him. He hollers in pain but kicks her away as the Goblin Glider brings him and Narciso away.

Suddenly, Kenneth appears behind her. "Hello, Kujo Irene Jocelyn."

"What the hell do you want from me!?" asked Irene.

"We just realized that it would be easier to use you instead of Gabrielle's plebs," sneered Kenneth.

He then tries to decapitate Irene, but suddenly, she turns invisible.

Kenneth tries to scan the room for her using his black eyes, but he sees nothing. "You won't be gone forever, Irene! We'll find you! And we'll take your DISCs!"

Irene keeps on running.

She sees that her own body is invisible.

Her steps aren't heard, so she just kept on running away from Jotaro's mansion.

"Shit... Shit... Shit!!!"

After a while... Irene ends up around a kilometer away from the New York mansion as she sits down on the bench. She begins to weep.

"Hello!" smiled a purple-haired girl wearing a pink jacket in a Japanese school girl's uniform. She also wears a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses.

"HOLY SHIT!!!" yelled Irene, as she is no longer invisible.

"Whoa! It's me!" smiled the 14-year-old girl. "Shizuka! Nee-san?"

Irene sighs. "Hello, Shizuka..." she sighed. "Papa was-!"

"I know..." said Shizuka. "We're... stuck here..."

"What do we do!? The Jump Force was literally captured by that weird anarchist terrorist group they were talking about in the news!"

"I don't know..."

"Shit...!" sighed Irene, facepalming.

"Now, what?"

"I don't know..."

"Maybe you shouldn't have celebrated the engagement, huh?" chuckled Shizuka.

"Wow..." said Irene.

"What!?"

"There you go again with that 'You're Dad's favorite' shit again!"

"Dad didn't even come for my graduation!" yelled Shizuka. "I was 14 when I graduated college and here we are!"

"So!? So did I!"

"But Dad came for your graduation!"

"Ugh!" sighed Irene, looking away.

The pair stare away from each other.

"If we're going to survive, we're going to have to work together..." said Shizuka. "We have to work together to bring them back."

"We call the police?" asked Irene.

"What!? No! These guys are a massive terrorist organization! We can't just endanger those people!"

"So what!? We just stay here and rot!?"

"No...! No..." sighed Shizuka.

"Wait..." said Irene. "Remember my variant that Dad knows in the news? That one who the United States hates? The one who beat a massive enemy of Maharlica? That girl we used to play with as kids?"

"Gabrielle JoJo?" asked Shizuka. "You think we have access to Gabrielle JoJo?"

"Well... we are the Head and CEO of the company!" smiled Irene.

"No... you are the Head and CEO of the company," said Shizuka. "Dad wants me to be a member of the Jump Force."

"Look... Shizuka..." said Irene. "We'll... talk about this later... We have to get to make a call."

Meanwhile...

Gabrielle and Narcos are doing a staring contest.

The pair have been staring at each other for a while.

"What are those two lovebirds doing?" asked Yurielle. "Why are they facing each other like that? Are they doing that thing that couples do and stare at each other's eyes?"

"No..." said Mercuria. "They're having a staring contest."

Suddenly, Gabrielle claps her hands, making Narcos blink. However, she accidentally blinks at the same time.

"Ha!" yelled Narcos, pointing at her face.

"There's a spider on your head," said Gabrielle.

"WHOA!!!" yelled Narcos, slapping his hair crazily and yelling as Gabrielle laughs.

*ring! ring!*

She picks it up.

"Hey!" smiled Peter. "Someone's on the line for you. It's your variant."

"Which one?" asked Gabrielle. "If this is your kid again, she could seriously just visit, remember?"

"It's Irene Jocelyn Kujo," said Peter.

"Irene? I've heard of her when Jotaro mentioned her once, but I met her once when we were kids. We used to play together as kids a lot..."

"I'm telling you!" yelled Miguel Ibarra, walking in. "The one who shall not be named is a hero! Even though he is pinned as a villain and did some controversies! But what politician hasn't done any controversies!?"

"Wasn't he a dictator?" asked F.F.

"That's what all the Americans say! Did you know that FDR is actually a mutant spider in the White House's basement?" smiled Miguel.

"Yeah! But he stole a lot of money!"

"That's what journalists say! And economists... And academics...But who would you listen to?The media... Or God? Me!"

F.F. turns to the others. "Hey! Guys! The one who shall not be named!Good or bad?"

"Bad?" asked Narcos.

"Neutral," said Mercuria.

"Good," said Gabrielle. "I'm sorry... Who broke into your home?" she asked Irene, who is on the line.

"Neutral?" asked Yurielle. "Dad says that he was a hero, but as an American... He's pretty sketchy."

"Shit... Stalemate," said Miguel.

Nick and Monroe walk in. 

"Hey. Nick. Do you know about the One Who Shall Not Be Named?" asked Miguel.

"No," said Nick. "I really don't care... I'm a cop, yes... But I'm more about Wesen Politics than International politics."

"Monroe?" asked Miguel.

"Same answer," said Monroe. "I don't like the idea of Dictatorship. But... in the end... every country was an imperialist at some point, right? Hell. I came from Germany."

"Dang... Two neutrals," said Miguel.

"Hold up. Are we talking about Mar-..."

"SHUSH!!!" yelled everyone else.

"The reader is readening..." whispered Miguel.

"We don't know what it means..." said Gabrielle. "But we just went for what he's saying..."

"Yeah... But him, right?" asked Narcos. "Lol. His name sounds like mine! Y'know what? I like him now!"

"HA!!!" laughed Miguel, pointing to F.F.

Suddenly, Johnny, Dark, Sam, Kariel, Antonio, and Jack enter the room.

"HA!!!" laughed F.F. "The One Who Shall Not Be Named! Good or bad?"

"Bad," said Johnny.

"GOOD!!!" yelled Dark.

"Bad," said Sam.

While this shit is going on F.F. and Miguel's eyes are just darting left and right. 

"Good," said Kariel.

"Bad," said Antonio.

"Bad," said Jack.

"YES!!!" yelled F.F. "Sugondese ovaries, Ibarra!"

Miguel sighs. "Hey, Jill?"

Jill woges out of Jack. "Good."

"BACK TO STALEMATE!!!" yelled Miguel, cheering.

Bruce walks in.

"Hey! Tiebreaker!" smiled Miguel. "The One-...!"

"I don't care," said Bruce.

"Okay!" yelled Miguel. "Still at Stalemate! Damn, you're called, Batman!"

"If everyone's an asshole, politicians are assholes," said Bruce.

Peter walks in.

"Hey, Peter!"

"If this is about that guy again, I don't care about politics because of underhand trauma."

"Damn it!" yelled Miguel.

Aswang Prince Josuke walks in.

"Hey, Josuke!" smiled Miguel. "The One Who Shall Not Be Named! Good or bad?"

"Good!" yelled Prince Josuke.

"YES!!!" yelled Miguel. "And I sense that nobody is about to walk in anymore! YEAH!!! Hooray for Democracy! Nyanyanyanyanyanya! Ferdinand is a good guy!"

"That isn't how it works," said F.F.

"Well, The One Above All is basically in the room! So... HA!!!" yelled Miguel.

"The One Above All CAN'T vote!" yelled F.F.

"Yes he can," said Miguel. "He does what he wants."

"Hey..." said Gabrielle. "Yurielle. Josuke."

"Yeah?" asked the pair. "I have a favor to ask..."

(By Dress-Up Town, Ichigo from Kisida Kyodan & The Akebosi Rockets; Shoko Fujibayashi; Takahiro Kawata; Masaki Iehara; I do not own this music and just use their music as cool character themes.)

Wakatta koto waAmaete naiteru baai janaiKibou no ito woTagutte tsukande ugokidasuHarimegurasareruTorappu ando heitokawashitekuO.K (O.K)All right(All right)Matta nashi no sabaibarudeizuGet away from (STONE OCEAN)I don't wanna say ("There's no chance")Let's get started, Count (1-2-3)Take me far away. (Fly! Stone Free)Atashi ga atashi de Aru tame ni(Got to be tough)Break out! (Hey)mezame yo (Ho)Kinou made no atashi ja irarenaiBreak out! (Hey) donna ni (Ho)Michisuu noSkill atakku saretemoGenkai wa houkaiGive up wa RongaiUnmei tenazukeru madeIDon't stop beatin' Don't stop beatin'Don't stop beating'em upAku shumi na jookuMitai na konna riaru naraAtashi igai waAtashi no mirai sukuenaiKami ga egaitaPuran mo shinario moO.K (O.K)All right (All right)Konomi janakya buchikowasuGet away from (STONE OCEAN)I don't wanna say ("There's no chance")Let's get started, Count (1-2-3)Take me far away, (Fly! Stone Free)Akirame no imi wa mada shiranai(Ain't nobody stop)Break out! (Hey) abareyou (Ho)Utsumuitara nozomi mo tsunagenaiBreak out! (Hey) donna ni (Ho)Fukai Yami ni doroppu saretemoKyoujin na SeishinGrow up wa hai supiidoHard Luck mo norikonaseIDon't stop beatin' Don't stop beatin'Don't stop beating'em up(Got to be tough)Break out! (Hey) mezame yo (Ho)Kinou made no atashi ja irarenaiBreak out! (Hey) donna ni (Ho)Michisuu no Skill atakku saretemoGenkai wa houkai Give up wa rongaiUnmei tenazukeru madeI Don't stop beatin' Don't stop beatin'Don't stop beating'em up!

Why... Why did you (not) sing all that?

I don't know... And the lyrics don't make sense right now...Unless... I make it make sense...

Welp, School with Deadpool is a failure. Do you think you could one-up that one with this one?

Whoa, whoa! It is not a failure! Just because that one guy called it a 'flop' doesn't make it a failure!

Author... You're struggling... to have everything you want while the world tries to make you choose.

Don't make a Goblin on me right now! Ugh... I'll just keep writing. *stretch!* *yawn!!!* Ah... Let's get to writin'...