Chapter 9 Questions

As days were passing, I started questioning myself that is this relationship going too last or not. Because we were not like this. In the beginning when he went to tamilnadu, he had atleast some time for me.  But then he stopped talking to me. Whenever I called him some of his friends used to lift the call and say "Krishna is not here, I'll let him know that you called". Not once or twice this happened many times. He used to call back after my 30 to 40 calls. This was proving that he lost interest in me. He used to reply after 100 messages. And then behave like nothing big happened. This things were killing me from inside. Then once I thought of not calling or texting him first and see what he does after that. I didn't call and text him for 1 week and you can't believe he didn't bother to call or text me. I could not stop myself I called him, his phone was switched off. I tried all his 3 numbers. 2 were switched off and 1 was not reachable. I thought that it's finished. Then one day suddenly I got a text on messenger that" darling someone stole my phone, I miss you". At that time I was not able to trust him. I don't know why but I felt that it was not the truth. I felt like he is lying to me. But I said "its ok leave it." Because I still loved him.

I uninstalled whatsapp, hike, imo, skype and messenger also. Because whenever I got some notification I always used to feel that it was him. The expectation that always turned into disappointments were killing me day by day. My question were raising and I was not getting answers for them. I started staying away from everyone and everything. It was like living in a world with full of sorrows. Because he was my happiness and my happiness turned his face.

I had only one thing in my mind. If he wants to breakup with me he can directly say it to me instead of avoiding me. Killing at once is much much better than killing day by day. I never stopped loving him, I just stopped showing it. His one sight was enough, his one statement was enough if he said me to go away from him I would even do that for him. You know it's hard to leave someone you want to spend every minute with. I strongly believe that true love is always wanting what is best for someone, even if that doesn't include you. I would not feel that bad if he leaves me but I will definitely feel bad if he doesn't tell me the reason of leaving. Because what is more painful than being abandoned is knowing that you are not worth explanation.

I was sitting under a tree in the park and I heard someone whispering his name, when I turned around to see who it was, I found myself alone. Then I knew, it was my heart, missing him. I was questioning myself, but I was not able to question him. Because I had a fear that I would lose him if I ask him all that. But one or other day I had to ask him. Answer may be anything it should be known to me. Keeping my questions upto myself will only lead to hurting me. So I decided to ask him for once and conclude this confusion. I called him and said "if you love someone its nothing, if someone loves you it's something, and when you love someone and they love you back it's everything. So what is our case is it nothing, something, or everything"? he said " I don't know". I was shattered like life shatters after hitting death. But I didn't stop, I asked him again "what is it?" he said "I think it's everything" I was not ready to accept it because if it was everything he would have never said that he doesn't know. I asked him to confirm and say. He didn't think for a while and said it's everything.