Digging A Hole
"Today Mama was angry with me because I woke up early and snuck outside without permission and when she found me I had been digging a hole, studying rocks and twigs and bugs and looking for treasure. My hair and face were a mess and my dress and shoes were covered in mud and ruined. Mama was furious but I was so upset she wouldn't listen to me so I ripped my dress and stitched it up into culottes, which made her ever more angry and she sent me here to be scolded by you." Darby's hands shook nervously.
She really didn't think papa would be pleased with her wild behavior. She knew it wasn't Lady-like but she couldn't help herself. All the fun and interesting things were not-lady-like. She didn't want to sit still all day. She didn't want to have to learn the correct way to smile, not too big, not too small, like a Lady. She didn't care about embroidery or dancing or good manners. She just wanted to learn! To learn exciting things, adventures and discoveries that made her heart pound, her head light and her palms sweaty. All the truly interesting things were not for Ladies to learn. Ladies were supposed to sip tea and talk about gossip and more fluffy dresses and maybe whose dress was the fluffiest? Darby didn't know exactly what Ladies were talking about at the tea parties she had witnessed but it all seemed so frightfully dull, so dreadfully dull. She didn't want to have to be like that, she wanted to sail on a ship to some far away land like her papa had read to her from books. She wanted to board a long, huge train and, as it tugged along, be filled with excitement as it brought her closer to a grand adventure. And who knows what discoveries she would find there? The world seemed so vast and big and she wanted to see it all, as much of it as she could. But how would she do that sitting sipping tea or learning to sit Lady-like or spending all day embroidering one little flower? The very thought of it felt like a cage. She didn't want to be in that cage. She wanted to do anything and everything she wanted when she wanted, not just be a Lady. She felt so anxious to tell her papa about her feelings…But if she didnt….being a Lady with all the lessons was all there was waiting for her. She had to take this chance! Even if he ended up scolding her because of it. Just try telling him, just this once, tell him that "being a Lady" and all the mama's Lady lessons felt so stifling and smothering that she could hardly breathe sometimes.
Darby clinched her hands into fists, gathering all her courage she said.
"Papa…." tears rushed to her eyes again, threatening to spill over.
"Papa….I really don't like the way Mama treats me. All she ever tells me is how Ladies must do things and it hurts my heart because…." Darby choked back a sob as she tried to get control over her emotions so she could just say this, just this once.
"...Because, Papa, I don't like sitting all day embroidering. I don't like having to learn to sit correctly for a full day and how to lift a cup or silverware or how to wipe my mouth with a napkin like a Lady! I don't care about tea and I don't care about fluffy dresses! Who cares about how a lady sits on a chair or what her hair looks like and if her shoes are new?! Papa, I-" she paused for a moment to stop herself from crying again. 'I'll cry after I say it all' she thought to herself. 'Say it all first', taking a deep breath, she continued.
"Papa, I want to learn about things that I think are interesting," she said bravely, putting her small hand on her chest. " I want to study bugs and rocks and read books about them. I want to learn about far away places and go on adventures there some day and discover something new!" Now for the part to bring up her mother's opinions, this would be the hardest part. 'You can do this Darby!' She thought to herself. Another big breath and she started again.
" Mama told me that I need to learn to be a proper Lady and that I must be delicate and always stay clean and do everything perfectly like a Lady…But I want to play in the dirt and dig for treasure, and play with sticks and be outside all day finding interesting things and making discoveries….I am sorry if it disappoints you…and Mama, but I don't want to be like how Mama said…I don't want to take all those Lady lessons and never have any adventures. I want to read and study all the interesting things and learn about all the great things around the world and I want to be really strong! Papa, I can be so much more than that! I can be more than just a delicate Lady! There is so much more I can learn! I could go to work with you, Papa, and learn lessons from you! I know I can do it! Please, if you just let me, and give me a chance!"
Her words rushed together as she became passionate about what she was speaking and she finished saying what she so wanted to say with a determined look on her face, ready for whatever storm might come next… There was silence…she had no idea what her papa could be thinking after she said all that…was he angry? Was he sad? Surely he was disappointed, his only daughter who was supposed to grow up to be a lovely Lady. Debut into Society and be beautiful, dance gracefully and be delicate among the rest of the other young Lady flowers and eventually marry a handsome young man whose family was also rich like hers, and then have children and teach her own daughters to be little ladies too….but his daughter was saying she didn't want that. She didn't want to be like that.