The Dark Pantheon

"Sssooooo… this whole, pass thing. It's not a we should see other people thing? Is it?" I inquired of Kate.

"If it is?" Kate narrowed her eyes at me.

"Then I will find you both in your hotel room and blow my brains all over your naked bodies." I informed her.

And she laughed.

"That's the most romantic thing you have ever said to me." she wheezed between her bouts of laughter.

"What? I have obviously said more romantic things to you over our time together." I denied flatly.

"After the first time we hooked up I asked you what you were thinking about, and you said, 'I am glad your breasts are so big."

"I said that?" I chuckled, "And you still spent the three days between the first invasion and the second with me, even followed me into another dimension. Obviously I did something right."

"The dick was too good should be a legal defense." Kate muttered.

"Temporary Cock Induced Insanity." I smirked, "I could see that working. 'Your Honor, I know robbing banks with my boyfriend is wrong, but you just don't know what he can do with his love sausage. The man is a god!'"

"Your back and forth is adorable, but I would like to join you in your next inter-universe invasion." Cassiopeia interrupted.

"Less an invasion, more a…field trip. An extended field trip." I told her then smirked, "With some roleplaying."

"Roleplaying?" she inflected.

"That's right. I, your father, will be a superhero!" I grinned with two thumbs up.

With how much people are laughing right now, you'd think I am a comedian.

"Okay, I know that there are reasons to be skeptical, I do have a certain reputation for ruthless utilitarianism that doesn't jive with the whole capes culture. But I raise you the counterpoint that no one will know me in this universe." I explained to the near hysterical women.

"I will know you." Cassiopeia stated, "And I do know you. You have no patience for idealism, the core of superheroism."

"You didn't even last a week the first time you pretended to be a superhero." Kate agreed with her, "A week you started out by killing the top super team in the world."

"And that is where you are both wrong." I smiled, "Those people didn't die for some base desire, no, they died for an idea. They were the first sacrifices on the altar of Utopia. So you see, daughter, I am not a crook, I'm an idealist. Just like classical superheroism. I just need to rep some different ideals for a while in service of the greater good. If the Guardians of the Globe could die for Utopia, then I can surely shift my ethics for a handful of decades. And while I understood that what they did was far easier to accomplish - hehe - they didn't even have to try, I will not blame them for that, and instead embrace the spirit of their sacrifice. Embody it. I will not just be the bigger man physically, and logically, I will strive to become the bigger man both ethically and emotionally as well. That's right girls, I will be the biggest man! Hahahahaha!"

"You just did a villain monologue." Kate deadpanned.

"So it will take some work!" I snapped, "But just as Sisyphus pushes his boulder uphill no matter how many times it comes crashing back down, so too will I rise up each time for the sake of my dream!"

"I'm coming too." Calliope announced, not at all stealing my thunder.

"So a crotchety old edge lord, his 'perfect' daughter, and his desperate for validation granddaughter go on a family outing full of zany adventures." Kate hummed, "I'll get working on the pilot right away."

"Excuse me, pilot?" I questioned her.

"There's no way in hell Netflix won't greenlight it." Kate grinned.

"You want to turn us into a TV show." I chuckled, "Grandad gets played by Kurt Russel. After the full Super Process. My God, I can here the panties dropping already…"

"And if we can't get Kurt?" Kate asked.

"Then get Sam Elliot or Burt Reynolds." I answered.

"Um.. about Burt…" Kate started.

"Don't say it!" I cut her off, "Go to a universe where he isn't and kidnap him. It's for the greater good of mustaches in this universe. I am sure he will understand."

"As for the two of you…" I glared at Cassiopeia and Calliope, "Wait right there."

I went off into my lab and came back with two glowing gold vials.

"Super Viltrumites are solid high tier were we are going, but take a minute to understand this. The gatekeeper of the elite level can carry the full weight of the Earth, for five days, in his nerfed version." I told them.

"That, that's over six and half sextillion tons." Calliope gasped.

"And he is the gatekeeper, not even the full blown deep end." I explained the absolute absurdity of comics to them, "Now we are lucky in that Viltrumite Smart Atoms are resistant to the biggest threats in their universe, all the mother fucking reality warpers. No one can just flash you out of existence, and I performed a ritual a long time ago that picks up anyone trying to fuck with me or anyone I care about via time travel that links them to a Snap Event I generated specifically for their punk asses. So like, the two most cheesy ways to deal with us are covered. But unless you two want to be smears on some world shatterer's knuckles you need to drink these, the Divine Essence of the goddess of victory and the goddess of luck. AKA the worst fucking fights I've ever experienced. These girls were absolutely uncanny, and weaved through the bullet hell final boss attacks that I put out when I mean business like it was just another day in the office."

I handed them the vials and they opened them up to knock them back when I held up my hands in realization.

"Wait!" I shouted, stilling their hands, "I almost forgot about all the omnipotent assholes we might encounter that will just destroy the universe around us when they realize they can't just delete us with their will power."

I dipped my index fingers in the vials, turning the golden essence black.

"There, drink that and you can survive the complete absence of existence indefinitely." I smiled, "Just don't get too fond of the void. It has a habit of making people complete assholes. On the plus side though you get a free makeover and can bond with Symbiotes. Big money considering I have a pair made out of the girls whose godhood you are about to drink."

Cassiopeia considered the changed liquid, but Calliope drank it with the same lack of hesitation as before, perhaps even more enthusiasm even. We both watched her as the essence changed her, draining the pigment from her skin and turning the whites of her eyes red. Between the Super Viltrumite Augmentations and the Knull blessed Divine Essence Calliope now shared my coloring exactly.

She looked at her hands in wonder and smiled unnaturally wide, "If this is how the Asgardians felt, then I understand why they were so insufferably entitled!"

"You ain't felt nothing yet." I grinned as the goddess of luck Symbiote emerged from my shadow and bonded with her.

My granddaughter shuddered as the Symbiote devoured and replaced her nanite Empress Uniform save her Bast skin coat. Calliope giggled as the Symbiote cycled through several weapon options including an energy beam cannon.

"This is wonderful!" she grinned and surprised me with a leaping hug.

Cassiopeia then took her dose, becoming the dark Viltrumite goddess of victory, the greater of the pair of seemingly impossible fighters, and even more so as her paired Symbiote bonded with her.

"Hey, where's my godhood?" Kate demanded.

"I was going to give you the essence of the goddess of sex, but since I won't be seeing you for such a long time, that seemed more torturous than my heart can bear." I bemoaned as I put a hand over my chest, "We will simply have to wait until I get back for that."

"You're terrible, Mark." Kate rebutted, "You're so lucky I'm into that."