Heisting

"So the golden boy is hung up over this girl?" Kate asked as we followed Jane Foster around England on the day of the Convergence.

"Mmmmhhhhhmmmm." I confirmed.

"Why?" Kate puzzled, "I mean… the big titty friend I can see getting along with Thor, but this chick… nah."

"Yeah. It's almost like the writers for Thor's arc couldn't figure out a compelling reason for them to be together besides Thor is yummy and she is the female lead. Zero on screen chemistry." I muttered.

"You realize that life isn't a movie, right?" Kate side eyed me.

"Totally. Life right now isn't a phoned in movie." I shrugged, "Oh neat, here we go."

Kate and I zipped after Jane as she was pulled into a warp rift with the Aether behind it. We came upon a Moria ripoff and Jane started walking towards the pillar with an ominous red light emanating from a gap in its continuity. A real 10 out of 10 on the security system for this apocalyptic Infinity Stone

"Hold up, buttercup." I chuckled as I pulled her back to Kate and stepped towards the Aether.

"Come 're ya little red bitch." I commanded as I stuck my hand into the obviously evil gap.

The Aether, the Reality Stone in its violent liquid form, latched onto my hand and tried to violate me with its being.

"What's wrong? Can't get a good bite on me?" I laughed at its failed attempt to infiltrate my bod and with a flex of my will the liquid pulled itself together and solidified into my prize.

"Three down." I grinned and put the Reality Stone into my Fanny Pack of Infinite Capacity.

"You're welcome." I told Jane Foster as she struggled to get out of Kate's grip.

I slipped my Sling Ring on and opened us a portal back to London in the middle of a freak rain storm.

"Hey there, bud!" I waved to Thor as his eyes bulged at the sight of Jane in Kate's grasp, "We saved your girlfriend, but I recommend having a serious discussion with her about survival instincts. After being pulled telekinetically through an interdimensional portal she wanted to… and I kid you not… stick her hand into an obviously evil gap."

"Jane… do not panic… I will not allow you to be harmed." Thor put a cautionary hand into the air between us.

"Harmed? Why would I be harmed? Who said anything about me being harmed?" Jane demanded while looking about wildly.

"Jesus, Thor." I smiled, "It's almost like you think we are the bad guys."

Kate laughed at the face Thor made that so expressively communicated his thoughts on us.

"You know what. We got off on a bad foot, I am man enough to admit that taking your hammer and knocking out your friend with it is a poor first impression." I grinned, "So how bout we stuff that meeting down deep within our mind wells and begin again as friends. Kate and I are going to go murder a bunch of Dark Elves and maybe finish your grandfathers work slaying them all. You can come with if you like."

"The Dark Elves are long dead." Thor declared.

"Nah." I denied, "They are on their way now."

"Impossible." Thor spat.

"You been working without the Hammer?" I asked him and the poor guy physically choked.

I opened a portal to the Sahara and looked at him.

"We are going this way." I told him as Kate released Jane and stepped through, "You can either come with or have Heimdall send you to us. We won't be hiding."

With that I stepped through and left the portal open for twenty seconds, closing it without Thor coming through. I looked around and took out the Reality Stone.

"I'm thinking oasis, cold drinks, and a gazebo with misters and wicker furniture." I grinned as my will became reality.

"Nasty little bastard." I spat as I filled a table with snacks, "The stone doesn't want to use its own power, so it took mine to make the magic happen. I think I can work with that."

"Will your plan cause the end of the world?" Kate asked and she picked up a rolled taco.

"What…no… of course not… maybe." I chuckled, "Anyway after we kick the shit out of the Dark Elves we should go heist the Vibranium under Wakanda, and steal some of their other shit too. Now that we have the Reality Stone all the dominoes are set up. It doesn't matter what happens on Earth at this point. The big Purple Annihilator will get the Power Stone and Soul Stone for us, and we can take the Time Stone any time we like."

"Sounds like a plan." Kate nodded.

We only waited an afternoon for the Dark Elves to attack our location and when we saw only a single Ark ship with just three Harrow Fighters we knew that this was going to be another disappointing day at the office.

"Well… Go gettem." I waved Kate off.

I put up a barrier to stave off the coming sandstorm when the Ark ship comes down and half an hour later my preparation held off both the blast of sand and the following explosion that shattered the vessel.

Kate looked quite smug as even though the Black Blade of Bagdad wasn't needed to make her Immortal, the rush of so much life force available for her to burn certainly hit like a freight train.

"So?" I asked.

"It was fun." she beamed, "The grunts were total fodder but the King and his spike golem guy had some smack to them."

I could definitely see Kurse putting up a fight against a Kate, but not two. She scales up around Thor and non moment of awesome Hulk in this verse and Kurse never got overpowered by the second strongest Avenger.

"Then let's do it." I grinned, "I'll take the mountain of Vibranium, you take the royal family's anal beads, then we head on back to Kamar Taj to pester the Ancient One to teach us more magic."

"Anal Beads?" Kate narrowed her eyes.

"Slip of the tongue. Kimoyo Beads." I chuckled then growled, "But if you're interested in being extra disrespectful…"

"I'll stuff them up your ass." Kate responded with a smirk.

"Hard pass girl. Not even a thousand years together will break the embargo on my ass." I grinned.

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"So the time has come." The Ancient One sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, "I was hoping that you two would be so enamored by the Reality Stone you'd vacation a bit longer. Or maybe spend some time trying to figure out the secrets of all that Vibranium you stole. Perhaps go off into the galaxy and sight see."

"And miss time spent with our favorite teacher ever?" I scoffed, "Perish the thought. What we have together is far more important than reality warping power, mountains of treasure, and even exotic experiences… and Kate is a woman so you know how much she values experiences."

"You realize I am a woman too?" The Ancient One smirked at me.

"If this is heading where I think it is, I would like to express my full approval and vast gratitude." I pulled open my red robe, "My body is ready for your teachings."

Seeing the Ancient One spit her tea out curbed my enthusiasm.

"We have been banging longer than she's been alive." Kate hissed, "What do you think she has to teach in the bedroom?"

I looked at Kate then laughed, "There's no way they put all the kinky sex magic in the library. There are further secrets… I just know it."

"I assure you, Markus, kinky sex magic has never been my area of expertise." the Ancient One chuckled, "But I am glad you have so much faith in me. Aside from the use of the Time Stone, what exactly did you intend to learn from me?"

"I had an idea, possibly brilliant, possibly apocalyptic." I leaned in as I spoke, "You see, this little red stone sucks energy like a pro, and I just happen to know someone who knows how to siphon energy from a hostile energy based being…"

"You've become way too enamored with heists, Markus." the Ancient One looked quite displeased with me.

I just continued leaning in and locking my eyes on her face, slowly allowing my mouth to curve into a smile.

"Fine. That is not exactly a terrible idea." she huffed.

"Wonderful." I finally smiled fully.