58 Guilt

I call my favorite breakfast place and make an order for pickup, as I'm walking through Wally world, the only place open at this time on a Sunday that I could think to purchase anything.

I quickly throw in some panty hose, a few slips, and then a cute blouse I just happened to spot in my cart, grab some juices and check out. I stop and pick up the food, drive back to my place just as the hour mark comes around. My phones ringing and I answer it this time.

"Hello?"

"Thank god, Lirael. I was starting to worry, where are you?" Lance says quickly.

"Um, I just pulled into the driveway? Come out and help me bring breakfast in." I hang up and watch as he comes out the house, dressed, as I look at my phone, deleting my call from the restaurant, quickly.

I climb out and laugh, awkwardly, "Sorry, I just saw your missed call." I grab the bag from Wally world and grab the food to hand to him.

As soon as I turn around, Lance pulls me close, "You scared me."

Guilt overwhelms me, but I push him back a little bit, "Uh sorry? I left a note. I was just awake earlier and figured I go get breakfast and a few things I needed quickly. I didn't mean to scare you." I swear I deserve an Award for my acting skills at the moment.

We enter the house, going to the dining table.

Lance sighs, "I'm sorry. I just thought that because of last night.." He shakes his head, eyes scrunching up in a pained expression, " I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry, I'm just being stupid right now."

He sets the food down and starts pulling out the food as I pull out the juice.

Guilt is screaming about how messed up I am to make him feel stupid when in truth, I had freaked out about last night.

"Lance, you're not stupid. I do think we need to discuss last night further, but you're not being stupid okay? Thank you for being concerned about me. I did not mean to worry you." I rub his arm, motioning to sit. "Come on let's eat before it gets cold."

Lance pulls out his phone and does something, before sitting down with a awkward smile.

The air is awkward around us as we eat in silence, which is weird for us, considering how close and open we've been lately. It makes me wish for that easiness back between us.

That's when it hits me.

I'm the biggest idiot ever! I made this weird. I over thought everything and should have just thought about how we've been together. He's done nothing wrong but I made him feel like HE has over reacted when his reaction is completely justified.

"Lance..?" I don't even know what I'm about to say or how to say what I'm feeling to make things right.

It must be showing on my face as he looks up at me and sighs, "I'm sorry, Lirael. I messed this up didn't I? I should have known better than to ask you when we were both drinking."

"I..." I still don't know what to say, but this is only going to get worse if I don't say something,

"Lirael, I ..."

"Lance, it's .."

We both start at the same time, effectively cutting each other off.

"Sorry." We say in unison, making us crack a quick smile at each other.

Lance's eyes drop the smile as he looks down at food. "I understand if you want to cancel the contract. I violated my own and your terms. So I get it..."

"Lance, no, wait a moment before you go any further." I firmly tell him, causing him to look up at me confused.

I open my mouth, close it again, before taking a deep breath and just spilling the truth.

"I did freak out this morning. I'm sorry I lied about it. Just let me explain, please? Then we can discuss our situation. Please."

Lance's confusion turns to annoyance, slowly spreading over his face, but he crosses his arms and sits back in the chair waiting for me to explain.

I take a deep breath before I think of the best way to go about telling him the truth, without getting Brian in the middle of it.

"So, I uh, did freak out this morning. I didn't hear exactly what you asked last night, and I thought you had asked me to come with you, not be with you..." I blush, looking down at my hands that have been messing with my thumbs. My poor thumbs are going to be raw around the nails at the rate I'm going.

"So, I decided to go pick up some items from the store and order breakfast for us, hoping that I could force myself to keep calm and figure out my thoughts."

"Did you figure them out then?" He asks, leaning against the table now, his head in his hands, as if he was preparing himself for the worst.

"Not really, not all of them." I see him tense up, so I quickly add, "I agree with you, that you should have not asked me how you did, when we had been drinking. I also don't know if I'll ever be ready to be in a relationship."

I see his shoulders slump in defeat, so I stand and walk over to him and pull him up from the chair, even though he starts to resist me at first.

That resistance causes a sharp spike to enter my chest. I don't want him to hate me, or leave me.

I wrap my arms around his waist, once he stands and lay my head on his chest, knowing I'm too much of a coward to look him in the eyes. He's changed his mind about me probably, now.

I hastily divulge an option for us both.

"However, just promise me that we will go slow. Okay? Be patient like you have been with me. I will not promise anything, and I may take two steps back or more. I'm just ..."

Lance cuts me off, grabbing my shoulders to push me away a little bit.

Shit, nope I knew it, he changed his mind, he doesn't want a ...

"So you are saying, yes, still?" He gives me his large, open, hope filled eyes, that melt my heart and fill me with butterflies.

Guess I was wrong.

"Yes.." My voice is so soft, I barely hear it.

I nod and say a little louder, "Yes."

The smile that lights up his face, it's almost blinding. His hands swoop to my waist and he picks me up and spins me around, laughing, before bringing me closer to him. His infectious smile has me beaming right back as he sets me down. He takes my face in his hands and lays the softest and sweetest kiss on my lips.

We just stand there beaming at each other, averting our eyes in shy flutters when it becomes too intense.

"Let's finish breakfast." Lance suggests.