Chapter 35: The Talk 1

"So, can you tell me about your story?" Kanae asked Shin.

The both of them were sitting on the bed(futon), cuddling. Kanae was behind Shin, clinging onto him like a koala.

"Yeah, about that…"

Shin iterated what he's been up to towards Kanae.

Shin told her that it has been a month since he came into this world. That when he came to, he found himself in the vast forest.

He also told her that he stayed there for almost a month and that's when he met Syri. His hardships toward trying to live primitively and learning to discipline himself. 

About how he met a weird old man which then led him to her at that time.

"…" While he was talking, Kanae was silent, listening to him attentively. But as every moment passed her smiling face gradually died down and when Shin finished talking:

"…so that's the gist of my life since the —"

"I'm not asking about that!" She shouted with an agitated tone. Her face was grim and dark. She was upset.

"I want to ask about the past. About why you committed suicide. Why did you do it, Shin? Why?" She pulled herself backward and started slapping Shin's naked back.

She was asking about something different. She wanted to hear something else. 

Kanae listened to Shin's story and didn't interrupt him because she was hoping that he would tell her the reason behind why he staged his death back then.

"Why did you die and left me alone?" 

"Tell me, Shin, please…" 

"Why? Why? Why?!"

She kept hitting him while repeating the same word many times. 

"…" It was Shin's turn to be silent.

Kanae didn't need to make it clear what she wanted to ask because she knew, Shin knew from the beginning what she wanted to know. She trusted in him. 

And it was true. Shin had an idea of what it was. He wasn't an insensitive bastard — well, he was but experiencing death made him change for the better. That was when Shin truly realized how important Kanae was to him. As the days passed without her presence, he was missing her and it was hurting him a lot.

Shin didn't answer Kanae because he didn't know how to explain it from the beginning.

He wasn't good with words and being the previous sociopath he is, he knew he would just tell her honestly.

Was he supposed to say, "Sorry, I died, I didn't mean to? But some fucking spider made me slip and hang myself back then."

He was in a bind. To him, laying the truth to her right now wasn't a good idea. 

About the truth, he felt that not only is it shameful — his skin wasn't thick enough to not feel embarrassment, but it also was something that would make Kanae go mad at him for being careless. 

An angry Kanae, without a doubt, is a piece of bad news you know? 

He might die a second time if he told her that.

"Why did you leave me alone?"

She was like a broken recorder asking the same thing again and again.

"Why?..." Her voice trailed off.

Then Kanae stopped hitting him and leaned her forehead to his back.

"If you were carrying some weights on your shoulders, you should've spoken to me." Her voice hitched. Tears were gathering in her eyes.

"I'd rather have you cry on my shoulders than go to your funeral that week, stupid…" 

(N1)

Shin was feeling his back getting wet from Kanae's tears.

Kanae was remembering her past life and the emotional damage she took after his death. 

Syri who was on his abdomen caught on to the mood and decided to go out and left the room after giving one last cuddle to Shin.

Now, Shin turned over to face Kanae.

She was sobbing, her head was down.

He then brought her into his embrace.

Kanae noticing that she was now in his comfortable chest, raised her hand and hugged him. 

She cried out. There was snot gathering on her nose, her face was a mess.

Shin patted the back of her head and let her cry out.

'Shit…' He cussed in his mind.

Cold sweats were dripping on his face.

'I don't want to tell her about the truth of my death because it's seriously so stupid.'

He had read the current mood and it was serious but if he tells her the truth, about the dumbest thing he had ever witnessed which was the cause of his death, Shin didn't know if he could perfectly maintain a serious face.

He found it funny.

He was weird, he knew of it, and that's how he is.

Even now, he laughs at how stupid it was. 

If he did laugh as he tries to narrate that story, he knew it would be too insensitive.

He didn't want to come off as rude to the woman he loves, especially not at this moment. 

However, he knew that to establish a deeper connection with your special someone and improve the relationship, one needs to start with being genuine. Honesty is a must.

After a moment of indecisiveness, Shin decided to just lay it off on her.

Now, he had to do his best to not be tempted to laugh so that he won't come off as a jerk.

"Listen, I didn't commit suicide, you know." He said as he continued caressing her head.

"...Huh? What do you mean?"

Kanae pulled back and wiped her face with Shin's cloth from the side.

She stared at Shin, urging him to explain.

Kanae did 'that' as if Shin wasn't in front of him who noticed what she did. 

'Keke ~' Shin chuckled in his mind.

His lips were twitching. He was doing his best not to crack up a laugh. He was just starting.

He found Kanae's indifference when she just used his cloth to wipe her snot casually as if he wasn't aware of it, to be silly.

'Well, she's cute so whatever…' Shin just let that slide.

He continued,

"It wasn't a suicide. I didn't intend to die." 

"…" Kanae was silent.

When he started speaking, Kanae saw Shin make a mad grin.

'What? That's creepy… Why is he even grinning?' Kanae was perplexed.

'Maybe there's something else at play that caused his death…' She speculated.

Well, it was a misunderstanding.

.

.

.

Shin didn't talk for a while.

"..."

"..."

There was a long pause. 

They stared at each other not saying anything.

Then, later on, suddenly he remembered his last argument with his mom. 

His grinning face was cleared out and what replaced was a frowning expression.

'I see, I just have to start from there…'

He found a way to suppress his mind that was wandering into happy thoughts by merely recalling his mom. 

What great timing. When he thinks of fun, he seemed to forget about the situation and he goes crazy. 

But when he thought about it carefully, it was absurd.

He can make fun of his mom, or whatever jokes he had thought of in his previous life and it was fine. 

But when he put his shoes in his mom's position, about what she would feel after his death — it's… saddening. 

She, though, was harsh on Shin but considering the time her mom had spent with him, about all the happy bondings they had — Shin once again remembered that he was loved.

And at the moment he had effectively left that world, her mom —

'Must've been in deep anguish…' Shin thought.

.

.

.

'Haah.' He sighed to clear his thoughts.

He then started to explain the whole thing with a serious expression.

Not even in the slightest was he showing a hint of that grin, smile, or cracking a laugh.

...

(A/N: N1 --> The words came from Paddy Pimblett, an MMA fighter. The source material was found in Shorts on YouTube. It was a message tributed towards his friend who committed suicide.

I liked his character, he was humble.

His words seemed perfect for the scene.

So, yeah I added it.

#"Quote".)