It Did Not Matter Anymore

The night had fallen deeply and the world hushed from its busy chatters.

The silver horizon turned into an eerie darkness as the dark clouds hid the golden moonlight. The only sound that remained was the splashing of the white foams beneath their feet and the sound of Jia's muffled sobs.

"Where is Giselle now?" She finally turned to ask. "What about your child? "

"It's getting very late. That's for our next topic."

Jia did not insist. She already had too much for today. She no longer wanted to hear anything about their wedding and break up as Anthon had somewhat hinted.She no longer wanted to be consumed by jealousy in the thought that Anthon did march down the aisle with her bestfriend. What she did not know, wouldn't hurt her indeed.

She was already hurting too much. She hated her numbness that was insuinated by her own self - made insecurities. She would not have been blinded to the fact that Anthon did love her, indeed, while she went about her own way grieving in her insufficiencies. She had wasted so much chances to be really happy with him and their son.

And besides, she could no longer turn back the time. She could never afford to hurt the kindness of the man who saved her from her doom.

Gratitude is something countless people were willing to sacrifice. And she was definitely one of them.

She would be leaving soon and leave her past behind. And she would start a new life with Jim Wayne. Love, as Anthon said a while ago, could be learned. She's definitely willing to undergo the process of learning.

After having paid the bill, Anthon led her out to his car with an arm around her shoulder. She did not resist. She was willing to cherish any warmth from the man she really loved before she would tie the knot with someone else.

After they were both seated inside the car, Jia broke the silence.

"Anthon," she turned to face him bravely while grabbing his right hand tightly, " I am sorry...I really am. "

His lips twisted into a thin and warm smile as he once again reached out to pull her closer to him.

" What can I do now? It's done.."

She almost heard him say, "How could I remain angry at the woman I love? " But there are things in this world that can better be expressed in a tangible way rather than being said.

With this, he pulled her up tightly again and hugged her snugly from behind, his chin resting in her head. Exactly how he hugged her five years ago when he said, "Just this once, please.. "

She remembered exactly his scent and his warmth that lit her whole being into a soft and therapeutic glow. She closed her eyes and enjoyed every minute of it as they stayed like that for who knows how long until she felt a tear drop running over her forehead.

" Jia, I still honestly love you. How I wish it would still matter now." He said in a low tone as more tear drops came rolling by.

In her thought, she wanted to cry out and say, "It still does and will always be..." But Jim's face flashed in her mind..

However, she could not resist giving back something about herself to him now while she was still free. Finally, she spoke slowly...

"I, likewise, love you, Ton..eversince... and until now. But this no longer matters. My life is not mine anymore. I just can't turn

back."

Having said this, she blew into sobbing all over again.

This was the most painful and cruel declaration of torment in his ears! She was there, so real in his arms but owned by someone else.