First Love Never Dies

"By the way, let's discuss the list. Thank you so much for sparing your time for this. I know how busy you are," she said, trying to divert his thoughts.

To ease out the atmosphere, a change of the topic was the best option.

"How much do you know how busy am I?" he teased.

"Of course, you told us about it during our group chat." 

"Did I? Does it mean you remember everything I said?" 

"It just happened that your statement marked somewhere," she laughed, trying to conceal his question that suddenly alarmed her. But, unfortunately, she no longer knew how good she could hide this time.

"Where?" he taunted, and a big smile erupted on his face, making his eyes glitter.

"Stop it. We're no longer teens." she scolded, but inwardly, she was thrilled.

"You know, I have a wish," he said, his grin slowly disappeared.

She stared at him, noticing his change of emotion.

"How I wish I were brave enough."

"Are you accepting the fact that you have long been a coward? "

She laughed and pretended she was kidding, but a deeper meaning lurked behind her question. It was about his cowardice way back in high school.

___

Out of the blue, she suddenly recalled how she was hurting during their secondary years. She remembered how she suffered about her silent longing for him. She felt again the pain in wanting over something that could never be hers. His ideal traits were not in her nor his preferences. If only she had it; perhaps, her dream had come true a long time ago.

However, she couldn't blame him alone. Her self-destructive and disgraceful act on that night in Blue Whale Mountain Resort contributed to her failures.

"Yes, I am. I would not have lost someone," Anthon's voice broke into her reverie.

"Really? Have you gone through something painful? Or, were there some times in your life where you regret a decision?" she sounded as if she was joking, even giggling in the next second. Little did he know that her laughter was a self-mockery about the half-truth she was presenting. How long could she fool themselves?

"First love never dies," a tone of sadness reflected when he replied.

"Ayanna?" Somehow, she couldn't feel any weight in bringing up her name again. She knew back then that she held no significance.

He laughed. She was not surprised, either. "If there was any joke in my teenage years, it was her."

"You're never sincere," she smiled, but a sense of bitterness started to creep inside.

"Is that how am I to you?" his eyes narrowed on her, though with a tinge of amusement.

"You're not?" she quickly bit back, still pretending it was part of a joke they were both pretending.

"Call me a thief, not a liar or pretender."

"Thieves are both liars and pretenders."

She may still sound like she was still joking, but in her heart, it was already a retaliation for what she had suffered all these years. To conceal the degree of humiliation that was surely showing in her eyes, she looked down and stared at her coffee. She then gulped down the half remaining fluid in the cup and pressed down the call button at the side of the table. An attendant soon came over.

"Another cup, please."

"Yes, ma'am," replied the attendant, who made a slight bow before leaving.

However, Anthon was just observing her and had seen all the sudden craziness she was doing.

"Silly woman! When did coffee ever a replacement for alcohol? I never knew you're such a drunkard."

She suddenly felt she was burning in shame. Why was she acting like a teenage girl? She did not dare to look up at him until the ember of the coal he was firing deep in her heart died out.

Jia laughed hard, still trying to pretend that she was just fooling around with him.

"Next time, be true to yourself. By the way, what happened to Ayanna?" she asked, deciding to push the focus away from her.

"I don't know. We are going to find out, right? I have the list here. But before we will go over with it, answer me," he answered, looking straight into her eyes. Jia also gazed back.

"Jia, what happened after we meet in Blue Whale? Why did you disappear?"

His tone became serious, and his eyes were seeking an answer.

"Ton, I am not ready yet to talk about myself. It would help if you had an idea of how much it hurt. Don't be insensitive," she appealed, giving him a sullen look.

"I am willing to listen, Jia."

"Please."

Anthon saw that it was not right to push through the subject this time. So he picked up the list and pretended to run his eyes over it.

"Since I also got their address, how about going to their respective district halls and check their names?"

"Would you have the time to do that?" asked Jia, relieved of the changed topic.

"We can do it during weekends, or we can allocate one district per day."

"Good idea," she agreed.

"I'll spare time for this with one condition," he said, staring into her eyes.

"What?"

"Let's go together."