A Friend's Confession 2

There seems to be something wrong with me lately.

First of all, I've been going home late for the past two days. I hadn't been following my policy of going home and slacking off after school, spoiling the little sister of mine rotten.

"Is it just how that hurt me that much…?"

I can't remember it clearly now, but it felt like that one name hurt my heart more that it did. I can't get my mind off of it, and not even my love for a little sister can help me with it.

Even now, I was just laying on a bench, school already finished. I could hear the screaming of the baseball club, as I just sat on a bench on a playground near our school.

My stomach was grumbling, yet I didn't feel like eating anything. My body felt limp, but I wanted to come home to see my sister. I felt like dying, but was just too scared to do so.

I sighed.

There really was no hope for me. When I comfort people, I always find ways to see it through, but when it comes to me, it just feels like I want to be a pessimistic bastard. It's like I hate myself for being this way.

I don't like it, but it feels like I don't have any right to say that, either.

Giving up, I went to the nearest vending machine that I could find.

Dropping a five-hundred-yen coin in, the vending machine made a sound indicating that I could push any drink I want. I clicked the orange juice, and out came the orange juice.

I picked it up, and just when I was about to open it, I heard someone call out to me.

"Akamatsu-kun?"

It was Yui Hikari, holding a bag in one hand and drinking a juice box. The label said "chocolate milk."

"Oh, Hikari-san. Good afternoon," I greeted her.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Hanging around. What about you?"

I couldn't explain it in any other way, so I just said that.

"Well, pretty much the same reason," she said as she smiled which looked sad. "Want to talk for a bit?"

"That would be nice."

I wanted company, specifically with Yuumi, but my body didn't want to cooperate with me and just kept lazing around. It's better to just have someone as an alternative for now.

Going to the swings of the playground, I opened my can and it made an empty pop. I drank it slowly, and as for Hikari-san, she just started to drink as she swung. I just sat.

Minutes pass by. The playground was turning a deep shade of orange, and Hikari-san's juice box sounds like it's about to go empty. Even though I had just opened mine, it felt like it was also already almost empty.

"So," Hikari-san spoke. "You haven't been coming to the club ever since what happened."

"Oh, that…"

To be honest, I didn't want to think about it. My mind was kind of preoccupied about what happened at the library that I forgot about what happened with the literature club.

Problems kept coming up one after another, but maybe I'm just assuming that. In the first place, I've caused some form of misunderstanding because of what I did at the library to Satou-senpai, so all I could think of was thinking how I could fix it up.

And not just that, but what Kentarou said to Tanaka-senpai made Hikari-san think that some sort of misunderstanding that's hard to fix up if girls are involved. In other words, this all happened potentially because of me.

"I imagined that you'd be more involved, considering that you're Kentarou-kun's best friend and everything."

"I wouldn't say that we're both best friends, but I guess you can explain it that way."

I tried setting aside the library incident for now, and tried to think about why I stopped coming after the club incident. When I finally remembered, I spoke.

"I guess the reason why I haven't been coming is because I'm not part of it," I said. "I'm not a member of the literature club, nor am I going to join any club. It just felt like trying to get involved with other people's problem would just make them think that I'm being a nuisance."

"I see…," Hikari-san said. "You know, if you're saying those things, then you're trying to just become like Prez."

"How so?"

"You know, the part where she's scared about letting everyone's expectations go to waste and all that."

I wasn't sure where she heard that, but I decided not to ask.

"Huh. Well, I guess that's one way of saying it.

The sky was turning dark, and it was almost time for me to go home.

I stood up from the swing and grabbed my bag, when Hikari-san spoke again.

"If," she said. "If you would do it not for the club's sake, but for me, would you do it?" she asked.

"…Do what?"

I was half-scared and half-expecting things. I was scared because of the question that's about to be asked to be, while I'm also expecting something from that question.

"…Would you save Akiko-senpai?"

I've heard this before.

It was a certain line that I've heard about a few times now. And that line usually doesn't end with the most preferable result. So why was I feeling this way? I didn't understand it, but with enough time, I feel like I just might. So…

"Okay," I said. "But I won't just save her. I'll try to save you as well, Hikari-san."

"Thanks."

I walked away, and just when I was close to exiting the playground, I heard her say something.

"Also, Yui is just fine."

***

I went home without remembering anything that happened while I was on the way. The problem right now was pretty heavy, so my thoughts were solely focused on them. I wasn't even sure who I was while I was walking. All that filled my head were solutions on how to calm the literature club down.

The feeling of calmness flowed throughout my whole body the moment I went inside my house. The fresh scent of my own home really comforted me all the way through. I just wanted to lay down the sofa on the living room while channel-surfing.

But I had no time to dwindle around.

I took out my shoes, climbed up the stairs and went inside my room. However, when I opened it, there were two anomalies happily chatting with each other. It was Yuumi and Miku, with a stack—no, two stacks of manga beside them as they sat down in my bed,

"Oh, hey Yuuji. I've been waiting for you," said Miku as she closed the manga she was reading.

"Of course," I said. "This is my home after all. I'm pretty sure I don't need to ask, but what are you doing here?"

"You suddenly left the library and got out of the classroom after school ended, so I assumed you were home. When you weren't, I decided to wait for you, and that's when Yuumi-chan suggested that I wait in your room."

"I see. So, what are you doing in my room, Yuumi?"

"Yuumi wanted somewhere comfortable to read," Yuumi said as she kept reading the manga while laying down my bed.

"Can't argue with that one…"

Even though I didn't want to interrupt their time together, I needed to come up with a plan.

"Could you step outside for a bit, maybe hang out in the living room? I need to study for a bit," I said. The studying part was a lie.

"Oh, really? Then, why don't I help you—"

"Let's go, Miku-chan-senpai. Let's try not to interfere with Yuu-nii's studies," said Yuumi as she stacked up the two stacks of book beside them.

"Ah, wait!"

Yuumi glanced at me as she passed by, and Miku went after her.

"Sorry, I guess I'll hang around with Yuumi-chan for a bit."

"I'd appreciate it."

Once they were outside, I closed my door, turned off my lights, and dropped my body on my bed without changing out of my uniform.

While my actions deem me guilty of not coming up with something, that's actually not the case.

Laying down on my bed while darkness is within my room helps my thought process go much more faster. I've been doing this for a few years now, when there's an exam coming or I'm making plans to go out with someone, which rarely happens. I also meditate sometimes.

I closed my eyes to further strengthen the darkness and enhance my focus, and started to come up with a plan.

A few hours pass by. I hadn't come up with any plans. There are some things that are preventing me from properly constructing one.

While trying to come up with solutions for the literature club, the library incident keeps blocking my thoughts, and then I'd have to restart all over again. I don't have any ideas how I can prevent this, and I was now stuck in a loop.

Also, in the middle of my thinking, I heard sizzling from downstairs, which meant that Yuumi was cooking dinner now. 

"Yuu-nii, dinner's ready!" Yuumi shouted.

She didn't bother coming to my room and instead shouted, since I needed to prepare the table.

I stood up from my bed, turned on the lights, and started changing out of my uniform. While I was changing out of my top, the door suddenly opened, and what appeared at the other side was not who I was expecting.

"Hey, Yuuji. Dinner's ready…?"

Silence was now in the room. I was completely topless, and the person who opened the door just stared at me. After a bit, she started asking,

"You take your clothes off when you eat dinner?" asked Miku, who was, for some reason, still in our house.

"Like heck."

While it was certainly a rare occurrence for girls to see a man's body, Miku more or less didn't really get surprised. Her face looked neutral, her tone sounded neutral, and she even got it in her to tell jokes at times like these.

She closed the door and then waited outside.

"Pretty bold of you to intrude a guy's room. You staying for dinner?" I asked as I was taking off my pants and switching into my indoor clothes.

"Well, more or less," she said, communicating with me through the other side of the door that's concealing my body. "I'm staying the night again."

"What?"

"I'll be in your care~"

Dinnertime.

Yuumi made stir-fried vegetables paired with grilled fish and miso soup.

Miku and Yuumi started chowing down on their food, while I was just staring at it blankly.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate vegetables. I love everything that my sister makes. My mind was just full of things right now, and I couldn't even think straight.

Yuumi was already halfway finished, while Miku was carefully removing the fish bones. She noticed me barely touching my food, and started speaking to me.

"You good? You seem a little down."

"…Yeah I'm fine." My response was a bit delayed.

"Seems like there's something wrong. Is it because of me staying the night here? If you want, I can just—"

"You're more than welcome to stay here, Miku," I quickly interjected. "It's something else."

After that, I just started eating.

The food more or less tasted like nothing. I felt numb. I couldn't even get my thought process straight to enjoy the cooking of my little sister. It felt absolutely suffocating.

Gulping down the soup, I clapped my hands and finished eating, the food having barely noticeable changes. It looked way too identical to when it first started that even I'm questioning myself whether I ate it or not. The only real difference was that the bowl of miso soup was empty.

"Hey, Yuuji, why are you already finishing?" Miku asked.

Beside her, Yuumi seemed to have a concerned look at her face while looking at me, which I have only seen a couple of times. That was a look of worriedness. I almost felt bad for not eating her food, but…

"…Sorry, I just don't have much of an appetite for now," I made an excuse right up the spot. I really just had too much up my mind today.

I placed the dishes into the sink, and just when I was about to exit the living room, Yuumi stood up from her seat, ignoring the food she's eating, ran up to me, and tugged my arm.

"…Don't go," she whispered, she eyes casted down.

…I really didn't want this to happen.

I had a similar experience with Yuumi back then, and it was the same like this.

She could immediately pick up whether I was in a bad mood, and try to help me cope with it. I really love her.

I sighed, and then started petting her.

"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded quietly, and then slowly let go of me.

I didn't want to make my sister worry. I love her, and there's no way I'm showing any weaknesses to my younger sibling.

I sat back down in the table, and instead of Yuumi sitting together with Miku, she sat on my lap, leaning on my chest. I'm not sure whether she wanted to be spoiled or wanted to comfort me, but I assured myself that she wanted both.

"What was that about, Yuuji?" Miku asked, putting her chopsticks down and looking at me with a concerned look on her face.

"…Sorry, but can I ask you both for help?"