Chapter 9 - Sorting ceremony…oh no

After a short while, the giant of a man rounded us up and we began ascending the stairs towards the main door of the castle. He raised a gigantic fist and knocked three times on the door.

The door swung open at once and professor McGonagall stood there. She was in her teacher mode with the stern face and everything. Most students would be intimidated but I believed that she was a softy on the inside.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall", said the giant man.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here" she said to the now named Hagrid.

She pulled the door wide and from there I could see the Entrance Hall, it was pretty huge, so much so that you could fit a whole normal-sized house inside. The stone walls were lit with flaming torches, the ceiling was quite high and there was also a staircase that lead to the upper floors.

We followed McGonagall and we could hear the thrum of voices from another doorway to our right.

'It must be the older years' I thought.

Minerva lead us through an empty chamber were we stood together, huddled against each other. From my vantage point I could see the excitement of my future year mates. Even Susan and Hannah, who were near me were brimming with excitement.

"Welcome to Hogwarts,' began the Professor "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses…" then she went on to speak about the importance of houses and about how the peoplat we share our house with will be like family and so on.

For me, it was dribble though, I had a weird feeling from my instincts that house or inter-house unity didn't mean jack shit to the people.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule-breaking will lose house points…" then she went on and on about the House Cup and how it's won and how big of an achievement it would be for the winners.

I just rolled my eyes during the whole explanation. Susan must have noticed this because she elbowed me in the ribs which only lead to me snickering. I could see Minerva flash her eyes towards us but I just smiled at her and she ignored us.

Finally, she left us to wait for a bit while everything was getting ready.

"How do you think they sort us into houses?" asked one redhead with other students echoing his question.

"They'll make us take a Buzzfeed quiz" I said dryly.

"Buzz-wha?" the redhead looked at me as if I grew a second head.

I just smiled and didn't say anything else, leaving him to stew. 'Do you know how to keep an idiot preoccupied? No? I'll tell you later'

Susan and Hannah, already used to my idiotic sense of humor, shook their heads.

"Erm, anyway, my brothers said that it was some sort of test. They said it hurts a lot, I hope they were joking" said a worried redhead after seeing that I wasn't going to answer him.

"Hah, don't worry Ron" intervened Potter "even if they have us facing some creature, I'll deal with it. After all, I've done it before" he smugly finished while the sheep around him ooh'd and aaah'd.

After that, a sort of silence stayed in the room, nobody was talking much except some mutterings and whispers which I noticed came from the rude bushy haired witch that crashed our compartment before. Something about all the spells she had learned or something else.

I zoned out at that point only to be taken out of my state after hearing some gasps and screams.

I opened my eyes and saw a shitton of ghosts streaming through the walls.

'I wonder how it would feel to stick your dick in a ghost?' I thought. 'I mean, I read that they are cold to the touch but what if you were to put some magic in your donger and then try to do it? Would you feel anything or just the cold? Some ghosts can move items and affect the physical world, could they affect the prick? Would it even be worth it? Hmm, questions questions'

While I was thinking on the technicalities of ghost fucking. 'Wait, can they even do it with each other?'

Anyway, as I was saying, as I was thinking on that particular topic it seems that I had missed an event where the ghosts said something or another and a poltergeist came and scared the other guys.

"Move along now" said a sharp voice, Minerva had returned "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start. Now, form a line, and follow me"

She lead us into the Great Hall and made us stand in a line near the wall. I gazed up at the ceiling and found a magnificent view, a night's sky with flickering lights that looked like stars.

"I am so getting one of those in my crib, change some things around and voila, perfection" I muttered under my breath with only Susan and Hannah hearing me.

"Crib? More like man cave, you look the sort to have one" snorted Susan.

"Man cave? My dear Susan, how does the pureblooded princess now of such crass language?" I jested and elbowed her.

"I'll have you know that I know very much" she mockingly said with a smile.

"Be quiet, it's about to start" chided the bushy haired witch, she seemed to have either heard us or paid attention.

Soon enough, ceremony started and, to make a long story short. It was about putting a dingy old wizard's hat on our head who would then proceed to yell out the name of the house in which we would stay.

Don't get me started on the housing system. Who was medieval enough in mind that they thought that children should be typecast into a house based on the traits that they have at 12 years of age? Oh wait, it was medieval wizards and witches.

Anyway, the ceremony started and life went on. Dear old shy Hannah went into Hufflepuff, the house of loyalty and hard work, as did lovely Susan. Potter went into the house of lions, the hat didn't even sit on his head before it jumped up and yelled 'Gryffindor!' leading to that pride of lions hooting and yelling like a bastardized symphony. Well, they WERE kids. Adrian's friend/bootlicker, whose name I learned was something something Weasley went with him. The bushy haired witch, now named Hermione followed them and the interesting ice queen and her friend went to Slytherin.

But enough about the others, what about me, I hear you ask? What about the great Femto?

Well…

"Morgan, Femto!" called Minerva. (A/N I know that as a name that starts with M, he should go before most of the others but since this is a story told as a tale, detail are the way the storyteller tells them so they might be inaccurate or in another order, everything depends on the perspective of who tells it.

Hearing my name, I went forward and calmly made my way down to the stool and sat on it.

Minerva placed the hat on my head with a small smile threatening to destroy the stone mask that she was wearing.

'O ho ho, how interesting' I heard a voice in my mind.

'Sup, old hat'

'Everything's good indeed lad, I don't get many chances to see a mature mind here at Hogwarts'

'Well, considering that you mostly get placed on the heads of terrified or excited twelve year old. I see why' I dryly replied.

'Hah, true enough young chap. Now let's see, your mind is shielded and I couldn't peer in it even if I wanted to' the cap said. I knew that even though I didn't finish practicing Occlumency, that would take time that I didn't have, my own chaotic nature would protect my mind.

'So what're you gonna do, chief?' I asked him or was it an it?

'Well, it's a misconception that I peer into the minds of children in order to place them, I get an impression from magic as to what people like and do and make my decision based on that'

'I see but don't you think it's kinda bad placing children in houses based on traits that they had when they were young? I mean people change, a lot during their teenage years and well into their early 20s'

'Aye, it's a shame, personally I would do a resorting at the beginning of every year but such was the way I was made and nobody bothered to correct or listen to me' he said sadly. 'Now that I have such a mind with who I can talk, tell me, what is your opinion on the existence of….

'Well, I would think that…'

While we were debating and discussing, I put one leg over the other and brought one hand to my chin, thoroughly enjoying our debate.

Unknown to both the hat and I, as we were to absorbed in our talks, the other people in the Great Hall stopped their discussions and were staring at us.

(Susan POV)

'What is that bloody idiot doing?! Is he alright? He's so frustrating at times, argh' I thought, worried as I was watching Femto do…something…. With the hat?

'Is that idiot having a debate with the hat? NOW?! I swear! He talked about his parties with his house elf, seriously, who does that? But to think he would go all thinker mode right here right now… That's it, I'm teaching him the importance of time and place. The two of us, alone, hehe'

(Femto POV)

'...and that's how, theoretically and practically you could defeat someone easily' I said, presenting my theory.

'Hahahaha, oh man, my linings! Who knew you could use shrinking in such a way. Oh that must hurt, if only I had the organ!' "Hahaha" the laughed but the last laugh slipped from its mouth, not its brain so the whole hall heard us.

I came back to reality and looked around from under the hem of the hat, damn everyone was staring at us.

'Dude, we fucked up' said the hat.

'Yeah, dude, you need to do your job'

'But dude, why?'

'So you can get paid, duh'

'But I'm not even getting paid!'

'Damn, that sucks'

'Yeah…'

*ahem*

Our moment was broken up by a cough which came from Minerva who sent a glare our way.

"Ahem, let's see, let's see" said the hat out loud.

'Nice save, bro'

'Yeah thanks. Now, let's really see where you will go'

'Ravenclaw sound cool, even Hufflepuff is kay' I began saying

'Say. Femto, we're bros right?' the hat interrupted me.

'Yeah, Hatter, we bros, why, what are you thinking?'

'You wanted to have fun, Femto, you like fun don't you?' Hatter said in a maniacal tone with what I KNOW was a shit eating grin.

'What the fuck are you talking about, Hatter? Yeah, I like fun, keeps me not bored'

'But you like fun, FUN?'

'I don't like where you are going with this, Hatter'

'Because i think that putting a muggleborn-' 'Hatter no!' 'Hatter YES. I think putting a muggleborn somewhere where he would have some FUN'

'Dude..'

'Don't be a baby, I know you can take it, I think you would have so much FUN in…' "SLYTHERIN" he yelled the last part out loud.

'That's it Hatter, you're not getting that new lining that I promised until NEXT Christmas! Bitch' I said to the hat before mentally flipping him off and taking him off my head.

Now that I could see properly, I looked around and noticed that Minerva had a worried look in her eyes, same with Susan. The Gryffs and the Snakes were equally bad, the former were sneering and the latter had looks of disgust. The Puffs and the Ravens didn't care.

I shrugged and made my way to the Slytherin bench as my robes transformed into their colors. As I approached the table I could see the both older and newer Slytherin shifting around, making sure that I had nowhere to sit near them so I simply made my way to the corner of the table, not really affected by their treatment.

'Jokes on you fuckers, I'm a hermit sage' I nodded proudly at myself.

Now that I was seated, the sorting continued. I could now see better look at the Professors table and see look at them. I first noticed the old man with the overly large beard, the headmaster. Something in my mind said to not look in his eyes and I made a point of that.

The other teachers that popped out were the diminutive man with glasses who looked like a bit like a gobo. That was the Charms Professor, Filius Flitwick, an acclaimed man with many a trophy for dueling under his belt. The next one was a man with a huge nose, dressed all in black, my head of house and Potions teacher, Severus Snape.

The last one was a skittish man wearing a turban. My magic went a bit on defense mode as I looked at him and my bond with Grimgor acted up. I trusted that so I was wary a bit.

You see, Grimgor was not just my pet, he was my familiar and through this connection I did get a diluted form of his ability. You see, kneazles have an uncanny ability to detect suspicious or untrustworthy people and I shared a bit of that through Grimgor.

'Kneazles would be the best at Among Us' I mused internally.

I came out of my thoughts due to being awoken by the god awful singing. Damn that shit was so bad and out of tone.

Later on the whole ceremony finished and I began eating. I noticed that throughout the whole meal my Slytherin 'family' would whisper amongst itself while looking at me with disgust.

I had to hide my grin with my hand.

'Maybe Hatter was right, I could have some fun here'

—

AN Chap 9 done. Enjoy.