bone of us chapter (bonus chapter)
-Bonus Chapter-
A very late valentines day chapter
(also boredom)
"Finally, it's valentine's day! I've been so excited that I couldn't sleep, nor even relax at my own house, so I couldn't help but come early! To think it all started half a year ago!" zenitsu sighed
Half a year ago
Lunch break
"I'VE FU**ING HAD IT! FOR NEXT YEAR'S VALENTINES DAY, I'LL SETTLE FOR EVEN JUST ONE FU**ING CHOCOLATE! BIT**ES BETTER GIVE ME CHOCOLATE!"
Some guy was laughing in the corner
It was kage.
"Dude, it's only july!" he wheezed
"Poor dude…" hoshi muttered
"He really needs a girlfriend" taiyo said
"Is there something wrong with being prepared early?" zenitsu said.
He looked dead inside.
"Doing this alone is scary, so you all come with me!"
"What?" tanjiro yelled
"I'm gonna do some surveying"
…
"What i do in order to be popular?! Netsu, i thought you were already popular!" rengoku said
"I am...zenitsu put me up to this...he's eavesdropping right now" netsu pointed to the classroom next to her.
"Oh...well then, I can't say anything to be popular. It's not like i come to the school to be popular"
"No, bullsh**. You must be doing something if you're able to receive 28 pieces,let alone chocolate. Don't fu** with me" zenitsu said.
"Did he really just say that?" netsu asked
Everyone nodded from the doorway.
"ALRIGHT, EVERYONE OUT! Except for you zenitsu"
Netsu started to crack her knuckles
Gulp
"Sorry! Sorry!" Tanjiro and Hoshi apologized to Rengoku.
...
"Ow! My eye hurts…" zenitsu whined
He had an ice pack on his forehead
"That's what you get for talking sh** about my brother" netsu said
Kage laughed
"Your All talk Lemonhead"
Kage ate a pack of lemonheads
"We should go apologize to rengoku-sensei" shizen said
"..."
"Zenitsu?" kuki asked
"..."
"Uh...dude?" taiyo said
"SHUT THE FU** UP! HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL DOING ALL THIS SH**?! I'M TEARING APART MY SHAME AND BEGGING FOR ADVICE! YET, WHAT THE HELL?! HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO BE POPULAR, HE JUST IS! THIS ISN'T MODELING PRACTICE!! WHO THE FU** DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?! IF ALL I HAD TO DO FOR SOME BABES TO GIVE ME CHOCOLATE WAS TO JUST STAND THERE, THEN I'LL JUST STAND LIKE A STATUE FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE! JUST PLEASE, SOMEONE GIVE ME CHOCOLATE"
"Stop whining Depressed lemon"
Meanwhile, in the teachers lounge
"Which sh**eater is that? I'll cut him to pieces" sanemi said
"Sanemi, chill out, it's only agatsuma" yuki said
"The boy does scream a lot…" kanae said
"Indeed! Looks like he was able to let it all out! Respect!" rengoku smiled
…
"I've never thought of trying to be popular" giyuu said
"Do you enjoy breathing in those lies? Your methods are horrible. It's because you'd get less if you told us, isn't it? You fu**ing weasel" zenitsu asked.
Hoshi hit him in the back of his head.
"JUST SHUT IT ALREADY, WILL YA?! IT'S SAD ENOUGH THAT TOMIOKA-SENSEI IS EATING HERE ALONE, SO HE REALLY DOESNT NEED YOUR SH**!" taiyo yelled
"I'm not alone…" giyuu said
He ate a piece of raisin bread and said something…
Nobody knew what he said.
"What?"
"It's just that i can't eat while talking. But, even if one doesn't talk, two still communicate. Just by deeply staring into each other's eyes, one can understand each other's feelings. An honest person's eyes are free of clouds. That's because eyes are windows to people's hearts." giyuu said
"Well, some can't use telepathy!! God, that was such a waste of time!!" Zenitsu screeched.
Then he stomped away.
"Sorry about him!!" Hoshi yelled as she and the others ran after him.
…
"How to get popular? That's easy. From elementary to high school, as long as you've got fast legs, you're settled" Uzui, the art teacher, said.
"Huh?" everyone tilted their heads in confusion
"What're you trying to say?" zenitsu said, with a menacing look.
"Hey, chill" kuki warned
"Just like that?" zenitsu asked
"Just like that, and you'll be popular." uzui confirmed
"..."
"..."
"..."
"It's all because the school fairy casts running magic on female students" uzui continued
"T-the school fairy?!" zenitsu stuttered
"Eh?" Everyone else tilted their heads in confusion.
"With fast legs, even a guy with a scribble for a face can get girls" uzui laughed
"N-no shot…" zenitsu stuttered
"Well, assuming you don't look like a complete mess, anyway. After that, from college onward, it's all about the money. You'd beat toss on some expensive brands. As long as we got the money, the babes come floating in. it's like baiting a rhinoceros beetle with honey."
"Don't you think that's the wrong way of looking at things?" kuki asked
Everyone looked at him.
"If you take that path, i don't think you'll find true love" he continued
Zenitsu and uzui stared at him.
Blink
"..."
"..."
Uzui waved them off.
"If i keep staring at some embarrassing kid like you, my body'll get all itchy, so get lost already" then tanjiro looked sad.
…
"Are you gonna use any of that advice, zenitsu?" shizen asked
"Nope! Not a chance! Make sure you don't listen to any of that adult sh*t either"zenitsu yelled
"Of course we won't!" netsu yelled
"As long as you don't abandon hard work and diligence, and you live your life honestly, eventually a wonderful girl will recognize all that will come to appreciate you." tanjiro smiled
"Sure…"
The group glanced at netsu, who was now biting on a rolled up piece of paper.
"Seriously, what a waste of time this was…" zenitsu sighed
…
"Well...a pervert seems to have recently appeared on the premises. Make sure you all take a close look at the handout and stay safe" The group's teacher, Himejima, said.
"I heard he's only going for girls" one student said
"Ewww…"
"How scary...my little sister goes here too…" tanjiro muttered.
The paper got passed around to everyone.
"Is this guy for real?" someone said
"uh...forehead -kun...does this dude seem familiar to you?" taiyo asked tanjiro.
"That's zenitsu you idiots! He followed all of the advice" hoshi whisper shouted
Day of valentines day
"Hey zenitsu!" the group smiled
"Thanks for your hard work today!" tanjiro said
"Oh...good morning guys"
"What's wrong zenitsu?!" tanjiro yelled
Zenitsu looked more dead inside than usual
"Heheh...well i screwed up big time for valentines day back in july...i got mistaken for a pervert after all. There's no way a pervert will get any chocolate. And to top it all off, on valentines day, i got assigned morals duty. So of course i'd look like this"
"So uh...we all made something for you!" hoshi said.
Tanjiro reached into his bag, and pulled out a chocolate heart.
"Surprise! We all pitched in and made this after school yesterday! Even nezuko helped out too!" netsu smiled.
"Oh, speaking of chocolate...Hey! Genya!" Hoshi ran off.
Zenitsu stared at the chocolate.
"Y-you all really made this for me?"
Everyone nodded
He tackled them all in a hug.
"I got chocolate!! Is this reality?! Happiness?! I'm so happy!" zenitsu flew in the air with joy.
Literally.
"If the girls made this too, then that means it's filled with their love, right?! Is it really okay for me to eat this?! Is it really okay for me to eat the girl's chocolate filled with love"
"Y'know...us guys made it too-" kage chimed in
"Yeah, whatever! Does that mean my stomach will be filled with the girls' love if I eat it?! No way, what should i do?! HEY, WHAT SHOULD I DO?! WHAT SHOULD I DO, PLEASE HELP ME!! I'M TOO HAPPY!! SO HAPPY"
Then shizen spotted inosuke
"Oh! Inosuke, i made this for you!" she smiled.
Later, everyone had received a piece of chocolate, and everyone was satisfied.
The end