A Letter to A Loved One

"Hello, Adriel.

With the advice of Louis and Ralph, I decided to write a letter to you in my notebook, just to keep you updated and to get some things off of my chest. This is really more for me than anything else really.

Louis and Ralph finally asked about you yesterday we haven't seen each other since you left, I had to tell them that you died while tending to some patients. They were very kind and sympathetic to me.

"I'm sorry, Rosa. If I hadn't insisted on all four of us coming then Adena might still be alive and, Vincent too." She tried so hard to not cry but when Ralph and I embraced her, she completely broke down.

She cried and cried, blaming herself for what happened to both you and Vincent. She really shouldn't be doing that, the fault lies with me, not her. She did nothing wrong.

She cried, asking what she would tell Vincent's fiancée now and everyone that waited for him back at his home. We comforted her with words I wouldn't believe if I was in her place. Ralph also broke down with her.

The stabbing pain in my chest hasn't stopped since last night. I am so glad they were able to release some of the anger and frustrations they had, they even looked a little brighter but I can never have that. They are good people and they deserve peace.

I don't, not after how much I have failed.

I still have nightmares every time I close my eyes, a good night's sleep is so foreign to me these days. I can't sleep peacefully for more than two hours a night and I'm always freezing cold when I wake up, no matter how much I cover-up. I wonder why that is.

I haven't seen Titus in a while either. The day after you were gone, everyone woke up to being fully cured and brimming with energy. No one had any memory of the fireflies that circled the entire camp, nor did they question anything, which is a fortunate thing.

Then reinforcements with a bunch of supplies came to the camp from the mainland, one after the other. They claimed to have just started their journey to the camp a few hours before they arrived, surprised at how quickly they made it here.

I know the spirits had something to do with this. Please give them my sincerest regards.

They then regrouped and went to the battlefield. Titus was so reluctant, you should have seen his face Adriel. We would have teased him for it but I reassured him that I was fine, I had to promise that I would not use my healing for him to leave. They say that he's the scariest person in the camp but I don't see it, he's a literal puppy to me. It's been five long days."

Rosalind stopped writing and wiped the teardrops off the paper before they could smudge the ink. The flickering light of the lantern created shadows all along the pages of her notebook while everything around her shook every time a bomb and landmine blew up but she ignored it, continuing to write in the tight supply tent.

"It feels so strange that you're not here anymore, Adriel. For as long as I've known you, you were always there and now … I wake up in the night and call for you but only silence answered me.

I've had the privilege of never losing a loved one as I grew up. Even my grandparents are still so healthy and active. I miss Vincent but I'm not as close to him as Louis and Ralph are but you, you were there for me through everything.

Most of what I know, I learnt from you. I am who I am today because of you, you were there for me through everything. I do not have many people I care about in my life, I can even count the number of them in my hands. So it really hurts when those few are taken from me.

I said that I was willing to say goodbye to you if it means the injured will be healed, so I will brave through this pain that threatens to suffocate me and live.

It's only because of Titus and my grandparents that I am willing to struggle this much. Men are coming back every day, injured and I am grateful for this because I don't have a chance to let my mind wander and I get to help others as well. We have lost some men but they all passed away, happy to serve.

I thought I was out of tears but now I don't believe I'll ever run out of them, with how much I have been crying in this week alone.

I pray every day that victory will be on our side. I pray the war ends before more people have to be buried under the soil they died on. I want them to meet their families waiting patiently for them to return, to have families of their own and live a life free of these worries.

We, the medical team, are trying to do what we can to help them. I have learnt not to beat myself up for every death that happened. I do not have control of that, scolding myself isn't going to change anything. I just have to work harder for all that are still alive.

You're still looking out for me aren't you, Adriel? Like you promised me."

A small smile came across her features, tears finally drying. She looked out to the moon, smoke rising from the distance with occasional gunshots and bombs.

"This was a good idea. I feel better getting some of it off my chest. As long as I can protect everyone dear to me now, I can rest easy. Hopefully, the war will end soon.

Peace is on its way. I just know it.

Until we meet again, Adriel."