Chapter 6: I Must Break You

The reputation of my wife often precedes her. But the vocalized adoration strangers, friends and acquaintances alike have for her is twaddle to me now.

'They have no idea' I always think to myself. If only they knew about the relentless confliction that I'm constantly subjected to. Or more accurately; that I'm legally bound to.

From a comparative point of view, that smile I shared with Aya through the glass door was probably enough to hold me for the next several weeks. It made me feel like what was left of my crooked world was knocked back on its axis.

I don't know what infuriated me more; myself for not seeing this coming - because the signs were there, now that I think about it - her for lacking so much empathy, or life and existence itself for placing me in the middle of this seesaw.

'Are you okay, man?' my coworker asked, interrupting my internal monologue.

That morning was just like pretty much every morning I've had for the past eight years. Another cold and distant, parallel, preparation for work, ending in a pretentious peck on the lips and an empty 'have a good day'. I needed a moment on my own. Assuming everyone had pissed at home, during their own cold and distant preparations for work, the men's room seemed like a good place to get away for several minutes.

I purposefully looked back at him before responding. For some reason, the humorous thought of us sharing a smile as he would eventually walk out of the men's restroom came to mind, and it made me smirk. A genuine smirk, too. It sent a wave of comfort through my torso. I had the contractors to thank for not going with regular old wooden doors. I was able to amuse myself again.

'Imm'kay' I mumbled while gently nodding my head, and shutting my eyes to emphasize.

'Alright man', he said, leaving with a slightly confused expression.

Shifting my gaze back to the mirror, with a renewed spirit pulled out of my ass, I thought to myself, 'I can do it. I can break her. I've got to know what's going on in that mind of hers'.

Walking back out to the office, I was met with a few stares and glances. It seemed someone had whispered around about our bathroom encounter. Couldn't help but feel like people were quickly making extreme conclusions.

Pretty sure they think I'm hopelessly hooked on some otherwise benign drug. The antihistamines on my desk didn't help, I quickly put them away as Derrick walked in.

'I need help with something.'

Derrick was always so direct. Hardly ever started a conversation with anything but the point. At that very moment, I was tempted to respond with an 'I'm fine, thank you. How are you', mostly out of my pompous mood, courtesy of a water-stained mirror.

But he seemed genuinely angsty about whatever problem he needed help with.

'What is it?'

He placed his phone on my desk, and began to explain. Something about Photoshop. It's always about Photoshop, it's such a bitch, yet so powerful.

Sounds familiar.

As I explained the solution, I was interrupted by his new crazy ringtone. A hip-hop snippet whose lyrics there ought to be a company policy against.

I froze at sight of the name that popped up. Pausing for a second, I pushed a pen off the edge of my desk and proceeded to pick it up, like the slippery devil I am.

Derrick quickly picked his phone up, muted it, and slid it in his pocket.

'You were saying?' He uttered, seemingly doing his best to act natural.

Once I'd concluded my instructional TED Talk, and I was left alone. I had half a mind to go out, purchase a deerstalker, a coat and a pipe. The other half wondered whether a drop from our roof could kill a man, and what it would take to hide the fact that it ever happened. 'What phone?' I humorously asked into the emptiness of my office. Earning myself a chuckle.

I knew I was blowing things out of proportion, though. Workmates share phone numbers, it's perfectly normal. But why the fuck was Aya calling HIM? Is she not going to come into work today? Does she have car trouble? If so, then why would she call freakin' Derrick?

I had to get to the bottom of it. I frantically got up and walked out into the bullpen. Feeling some appreciation for the contractors again, an open floor plan was a good call. One visual sweep, and I could see Derrick look up from his computer, probably to read my mood.

Our stare down didn't last long, Aya walked in and immediately headed for Derrick's desk. She quickly whispered something to him, and walked towards her desk. She and I finally made eye contact, and she smiled and mouthed a 'Hi', I simply smiled back with a gentle nod, and briskly returned my gaze towards Derrick, who quickly went back to his Photoshop conundrum.

I went to get a drink from the water dispenser, and sipped it as I walked back into my office. 'That wasn't awkward at all', I thought to myself.

Before I had the chance to recuperate, Aya walked in.

'Hi', she said in a somewhat nervous tone.

'Hey'

'Sorry, I know I'm late, I just... '

'It's okay, how are you?'

'Uhm, okay. I'm-I'm good, thanks. How are you?'

'I'm alright. Last night was fun, huh?'

'Yeah, it was cool. Have you eaten... anything... ever since?'

I laughed. 'Hey, I did NOT eat that many pies, okay?'

'I don't know, it's just not very often that the chef points out that a particular table is hogging a specific set of ingredients', she said with an increasingly wide smile.

I let out another soft burst of laughter, for a little longer, this time. 'You're making that up'.

She finally laughed too, covering her mouth, almost surprised by how funny she found what I'd just said.

'I've gotta get to work', she said, recovering from her chuckles. 'Before I end up getting paid in chicken pot pies'.

I bit my lip after another brisk burst of laughter. She stopped to stare for a split second, and headed for the door.

'Good morning, by the way', she said with a smile, and walked out.

I was left trying to exhale the butterflies out of my torso. After giving it a few minutes, I quickly got up, and headed for the men's room. I needed to tell mirror-me about what had just happened, and try not to shit rainbows in the process.