The Depressed Woman

The air circling around the two of them was cold and harsh. Astrid had just cleaned herself and changed into her pajamas. Matthew on the other hand was wearing a sleeveless shirt and a black striped pajamas.

"You can take a break if you want. But you can't even fulfill a single promise of staying here without getting all crazy. In your condition, do you really think you're worthy of negotiating with me?"

Astrid was walking towards her cabinet to pop one of her painkillers and calming pills. But then she made one misstep, making her unsteady under her feet and almost fell backward. If it wasn't for Matthew's strong hands to catch her, she would've fallen face first on the floor.

"Yeah sure… look at you. You barely can do anything right. And yet you ask me to trust you to go to the clinic alone?" The man clicked his tongue. "You are ridiculous."

Her slightly red eyes were filled with tears once again and her face turned sour from his accusations. Though she was on the verge of tears, she was holding it all inside, telling herself to not cry in front of him. Her tears seemed to hang in the corners of her eyes, and she said in a self-deprecating manner.

"Since you said so, I don't need to continue talking with you anymore, I promise you, it's no big deal. You said your buddies and the stockholders simply want a drink right? And all you're looking for is a drinking buddy. But..." Astrid approached Matthew slowly, "If those people began to demand something ridiculous from me… like wanting my body in exchange for money. God, I could only hope you don't regret it, Mr. Abel."

Matthew's eyes widened. "Why you little —"

"Temper, temper…" Astrid teased with a giggle. "Jesus. Get a hold of yourself. I'm just kidding. And I'm sure if you asked me to fuck with some pig with cold cash, I would." She gave him a soft yet alluring smile. "For I am nothing anymore, remember? I'm just an animal whose blood runs dry."

There seemed to be a flash of emotion in the man's eyes, but she didn't notice it at all. Looking at the woman whose eyes were red from crying in front of him, Matthew was a little dazed.

A few days ago, it was clear that the relationship between the two became different than before. Matthew was more relaxed around Astrid. And so did she. But now, why does it feel like there's thorns on his back whenever they're together… as if he's being stabbed on the back.

Astrid might've been thinking that she's the only one who had suffered for five years… boy, was she wrong. And yet, after five years of experiencing emotional and physical pain and mental torture — the two were never the same. Darkness has consumed all love that ever existed in their hearts. And what remains inside of them? Hate… perhaps.

Of course he hated her. She killed the woman he loved the most. However, now that he's seeing her, standing next to her — the woman who killed the love of his life, his heart was somewhat confused again. She had this different kind of effect on him.

A dirty, beautiful, rich kind of emotion that renders him insane. Confused and bewildered.

Since he was a boy, Matthew was self-aware with his emotions even though others around him deemed otherwise. He knows what he is feeling for Astrid Starling. And yet in his mind, there's a constant battle and debate, asking — why her?

Not wanting to be affected by her, Matthew pushed away his feelings and said indifferently, "I don't care if you lay with another man. I don't care if you bed someone else… Just make sure he's bringing condoms. I don't want my daughter to be stained with any kind of disease."

"Oh," Astrid sneered then giggled. She can't help but laugh at the man's logic. "Yes, of course I'll be careful who I fuck with. I don't want my daughter to get sick, and I'll watch for my health as well. I don't want to be sick with STD until she gets what she needs from me."

"Good to know that you know your place."

Feeling embarrassed by Matthew's retaliation, Astrid straightened her body and limped forward, leaving Matthew alone in the wide and empty room.

She can no longer guarantee how much torture her body can endure. With a broken leg and an even broken spirit, she feels less than human. Adding the fact how much her heart had to break numerous times before she was thrown in a mental facility. She fears that she could no longer withstand any more pain, any more damage. Still, she couldn't believe that things had developed like this. Being with her daughter feels rewarding, and she doesn't mind being more riddled with holes for the sake of her future.

It's just that, thinking of Matthew's sharp eyes that looked at her like a lethal predator made her tremble. His eyes remind her of a dire wolf after a gazelle. She no longer has the energy to decode Matthew's complicated body language and actions. Yes, in the distant past, she used to be curious about him, but after knowing him, learning about what's inside his heart — she discovered that Matthew's heart wasn't like the others.

For he had the heart of an angel. It's the sugarcoat under the golden heart that scares her the most.

On that day five years ago, Matthew, the love of her life, did not believe her words, and was unwilling to give her even the slightest trust.

She did not kill anyone. She screamed it, begged and wailed over and over again. But he did not listen.

Today, five years later, Matthew still would not believe her. She merely wanted time for herself. A time for her to calm down and come back to her senses because she was becoming a bit too overwhelmed.

"That idiot." She hissed. "He's still as ridiculous as ever."

That's right, he's afraid that she would escape and never return.

And yet, he was looking like a pathetic boy. A ridiculous excuse for a man. She had died countless times because of him. She was put in repeated death sentence, only letting her heal and recuperate just to be made fun of and to be torture again.

A few minutes had passed, Astrid didn't realize she had already been walking for ten minutes straight. She was walking in circles, walking without any direction. And when she arrived at the main door of the mansion, she found her little Angel standing at the door.

"My lady, Acashia saw that you went out of the house and waited for you to come back here. She isn't listening to me when I tell her to go to bed and is insisting to wait for you instead. I'm sorry." The housekeeper explained.

The thick walls and defenses in Astrid's mind and heart collapsed at the view of her beautiful daughter. She crouched down and hugged Acashia's small body tightly.

"I'm sorry for making you wait, my angel."