| Call Me by Any Name (From Soo-Ah to Soo-Yun) (Part II)

"For my safety..." she replied to her grandfather's preposterous suggestion that she should be known as a boy from now on. But Soo-Ah never had to consider her safety before. She never experienced fear at a level where it overtook her conscious and unconscious mind. Or hunger, because her meals were so frugal she began to forget what it was like to have a full stomach. Until now, safety was a guarantee by staying close to her grandfather, Hun-Gyeol, Ha-Rin, and even that scatter-brained Jung-In. But now, even her grandfather could not keep her safe. Now, strange men could come out, attacking them from anywhere. Now she was going to a place filled with soldiers. Why did the thought not sit too well with her? "Are there many soldiers in the army?" she asked, grabbing a few morsels herself, in a pensive mood.

"Yes, a lot of men. Like 100 villages put together. You will get to talk, eat, and spend your time among men." The old man went to pour himself some of the hot rice water from the kettle, lying next to the fire.

A home-cooked meal could be so savoury, especially when shared by a generous host. It had been days since Soo-Ah indulged herself. But despite the hunger, her focus was sharp. "And those men would not even talk with a girl, because they are in the army and there is a war?" She continued to grab big morsels out of her plate while scrutinizing the old man's reaction. The points he was making were nonsensical to her.

"They would but they… would talk differently. And how about you? How would you know who you would be talking to with some many unknown faces around you? To keep away from any... unwanted misunderstandings it is better to do as I say."

Soo-Ah remembered how Ho-Orabeoni "talked" with that strange girl he had in his room. Then she imagined stranger men doing the same things and she shuddered. Every man in the world could behave like Ho-Orabeoni, and even her grandfather knew that. Men, holding inside the seeds of evil, came adorning beautiful faces or sweet words and she had no means of distinguishing between the innocent and the dangerous kind. They could very well all be the dangerous kind.

Being of good faith, her grandfather must have tried to protect her innocent mind by not spelling out the facts, but Soo-Ah had unwillingly gathered enough knowledge to intuit what he meant. If pretending to be a boy was all it took for her to avoid such frightening consequences, she would become diligent in doing so. And she would stay away from any unknown men. Which might have as well consisted of every single soul making up this new world she was about to enter. All of them were wild, mysterious beings of the dark, hiding inside the seeds of cruelty. This was how she viewed men now, and there was no way for her mind to be wrapped differently.

Min-Jun noted his granddaughter was deep in thought, with an anxious look on her face. For the tenth time, he wondered if he had chosen correctly to take the young girl along with him. "You know, if you believe all this to be too hard on you, we could find a way for you to live with Ho-Orabeoni after all."

"NO!" Soo-Ah jumped from her thoughts while the piece of meat jumped from her fingers back on her plate. Pretending to be a boy would be a lot better than being a girl next to Ho-Orabeoni. No one was safe near that deceitful demon disguised as the most beautiful man. What if she ended up the object of his conniving plans and either turned her into an evil worshiper or ate her liver? Disdain and fear still filled her little heart.

The old general had noted the girl being unusually cold towards the young master and initially blamed it on the strain and the flames that almost engulfed her. But he finally realized there was something else behind her change in attitude, and he considered it to be his duty to find out what it was.

"Ho-Orabeoni has a very nice house in the city," he said, carefully analysing the girl's expression. "You would get delicious food to eat, a nice room and a comfortable bed to sleep on. Not to mention piles upon piles of beautiful toys and elegant dresses. And you would get to keep your name. Are you sure you do not want me to make arrangements to send you with him? It's only been a couple of days since we parted. Maybe we could catch him on the road."

Soo-Ah shook her head fervently. "I want to stay with you. Please don't send me away, grandfather. I promise I will not disobey you. I will repeat the new name until I know it even in my sleep and I will never complain about anything," she said, looking with pleading eyes at her grandfather.

"You worry me, child. What did he say to scare you so?"

"Nothing. He said nothing." Soo-Ah thought about telling her grandfather what she saw. But how could she admit she snuck out of her room to spy and how could she describe what she saw? She was too ashamed so this had to remain a secret.

"Did he do anything to you? Tell me!"

Soo-Ah kept shaking her head. "No, he did nothing to me." Her voice trembled and she struggled to sound relaxed. "It's just I have never been away from you grandpa. You are the only one I care about."

"Any day you are ready, come and tell me what went wrong." He offered a sweet and sad smile to his sweet and sad child.

Soo-Ah lowered her head and stared at her crude wooden platter, holding pieces of fried chicken on it. What went wrong? Ho-Orabeoni had saved her from the flames. He gave her so many beautiful memories and taught her plenty of useful things. He offered to be her shield and protect her. He offered to take her with him. Only days ago, she would have jumped at the possibility and into his caring arms. She would have jumped into his arms even when they said goodbye. It tore her apart, battling the guilt. Guilt for listening to his words and wanting to hear more. Guilt for pinning for his attention and offering all of hers in turn. She was betrayed, led on by her own gullibility. The young master's power over her was too great for her to deny it. Only fear mixed up with anger and disappointment had the same power as pure love. And that fear was enough to keep her pinned in her spot, next to her grandfather, wanting to forget all about Ho-Orabeoni.

Despite her hunger, she had lost her appetite since the discussion began to revolve around that beautiful and deceptive man she used to care for.

Lately, Soo-Ah began losing a lot about herself. Her trust in people was shaken. She left her old clothes back at the barn. Her home, was in ruin, a great distance away. Those she knew and loved were going to a place she might never hear from them for a long time. Her name was thrown away to the wind. And she would call herself a girl no more.

But her grandfather challenged her to gain some new things in return. Like a new identity. That of a boy, unrestrained to tap into all opportunities a boy her age and status would have access to. And this was Soo-Ah's silver lining, slowly lighting the hope that change was not so bad.

What's in a name? Min-Jun wondered. He was convinced that it is not the name that makes up a person.

However, a person is shaped by interacting with others. And the first thing the girl would offer when meeting someone new would be her new name.

Starting that night and while they travelled on the road, he would consider the girl's upcoming peculiar situation from all angles. He prepared her for any unexpected situation he could think of.

After a couple more days of travelling and a few nights spent under the starry sky, they were close to reaching their destination, the bastion. Min-Jun spent those days coming up with a believable background story.

"You remember what we talked about? Tell me quickly, what is your name?" He asked his granddaughter the first question of the final round quiz he prepared for her.

"Soo-Yun!" answered Soo-Ah without taking any moment to consider her answer. She'd repeated this name for the past couple of days and it had started to appear even in her dreams.

"Who are you?"

"I am General Min-Jun's grandson. I grew up at his farm in Hansanju. I am a stubborn boy and not so friendly."

"What did you enjoy most from the time on the farm?" came another question, in a tirade.

"Catching frogs and chasing the girls, scaring them." When her grandfather first asked her to think about answering this question Soo-Ah remembered Jung-In and picked the one prank that grossed her out the most.

"What excites you about the war, boy?"

"Can't wait to learn martial arts and hold a real sword in my hand," she replied, looking determined. Repeating was believing. "You know, grandpa, I am beginning to like this idea. Can't wait to see what it's like to live like a boy." She added with a hint of excitement. [The only thought that shook her was the fact that she would soon be surrounded only by men.]

General Min-Jun nodded satisfied. Disguising her as a boy had become a reality and the only device he could come up with to keep her safe. He had his worries though. It will be hard on her, but doable.

From his experience wars never lasted longer than two or three years. The invaders could not resist long so far away from home. Especially through winter after winter. They needed supplies, new recruits, a well-defined goal to keep the soldiers fighting and enduring the harsh realities of war.

The war should be over soon, he thought.