CHAPTER 7

Disclaimer: The content below contains a sensitive description of sexual abuse. Reader's discretion is advised.

Juliana's pov

I have never felt safer than I feel right now in Marcus's arms. I know he wants to know what happened but does not want to upset me by asking.

But I am sure he already suspects something bad happened. For the first time in what seems like forever, I am letting a man spend a night not just in my room but sharing my bed too. I can feel his warmth and his steady heartbeat against my back, soothing me and calming my racing thoughts. It feels like a small miracle that I can let my guard down and feel vulnerable around him. I know I can trust Marcus with whatever happened to me. He has shown me nothing but kindness, unlike the bastard who is the reason I still have nightmares.

"I thought he loved me," I say. Marcus stops rubbing me for a second and then he continues rubbing my back holding me close to me.

As much as I would love not to relive the bad memories. I think Marcus deserves to know what happened to me, and how much pain I felt.

"He was so sweet in the beginning, he would take me to the movies and bring me nice gifts. He used to make me feel special like I was the most important person in his life. But they were all lies." Remembering what that monster did to me brings more tears to my eyes.

"You don't have to tell me anything If you are not ready babydoll. I am here and I am not going anywhere, so just take as much time as you need. I will wait until you are ready to tell me." Marcus says lifting my head and kissing me on the forehead.

"I know you are not forcing me, but I still want to tell you, I want you to know why I reacted that way earlier," I say looking at him.

"If you are sure then I will listen, but at any point, if you feel uncomfortable then stop, I will understand. So please don't force yourself," He tells me.

"We dated for six months, and in that period he seemed like a good guy. He was always there when I needed him in a way that I wanted him around all the time. He was the first guy I had strong feelings for. I remember how I became dependent on him. If only I had known what kind of monster he was I would not have trusted him the way I did. If I knew I wouldn't have opened up to him." Thinking about it now makes me feel stupid. My tears have increased now and Marcus doesn't say a thing he just keeps rubbing my back.

"He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. There were times when he would drop me at work and pick me up. I used to think it was romantic. But everything changed when he wanted to get intimate. I was not ready so I turned him down every time, he seemed to be okay with it at first but he soon showed his true colors." I say trying to hold back my tears but failing miserably.

"I always wanted my first time to be with someone I would get married to, I know it is a bit old-fashioned but I just did not want to have a lot of ex-sex partners. I wanted everything to happen in order." I say.

"It's not old-fashioned at all, I wish all young women and men could think like you when it comes to sex partners. You knew what you wanted and there is nothing wrong with that. Every person has the right to choose what to believe in." Marcus says still holding me.

"One day he invited me to his house, there was nothing strange about it because I used to go there almost every time. I even spent a couple of nights there. We used to have sleepovers even though we only cuddled and shared a couple of kisses." I can't stop the tears coming out of my eyes, it's just so hard to hold them back. The memories are just too painful.

"Babydoll, you don't have to continue," Marcus says. I shake my head, I want to talk about my past. I am tired of running from it.

"We started having drinks as we normally did when I slept over, his touches were innocent at first until they were not. when he started kissing me I kissed him back because I thought we were going to stop from there but he had other plans and when I realized it, it was way too late." I feel like I am choking. I can't breathe properly reliving that horrible day does this to me, the memories turn me into a crying mess.

"Baby girl, I think you should stop. It's clear to me that telling me is hurting you more, so, please stop, you can tell me some other time. I don't want to cause you more pain." Marcus says, kissing my hair. I know he is right, I should probably stop but I just want to tell him everything while I still have the courage. I haven't dared to tell anyone about what happened except Maggie and Jude.

"No, I am okay," I tell him, touching his face while looking into his eyes to reassure him that I am okay, and then I continue telling him.

"When he did not stop the kiss I tried to stop him, but he was too strong for me. I begged him to stop but he did not. he started removing my clothes roughly and all I could do was cry. Marcus, I was so scared but he did not care he just continued to do what he was doing." I pause to take a breath and then I continue.

"They say that the first time you have sex it hurts but nothing hurts more than having sex for the first time by force. I felt like I was dying. The pain was unbearable, I felt like my body was being torn apart, and at that moment I realized that I had been dining with the devil all along. He kept telling me that he loved me and how well we fit together the whole time he was doing it. How can someone claim to love someone and then hurt them like that? He even called me beautiful and told me that I belonged to him since he was the first one to have me. It's all my fault I should have never trusted him. Jude used to tell me that there was something off about him. But I didn't listen, I was stupid in love."

Telling Marcus about my past makes me feel like a weight I have been carrying for a long time has been lifted.

"Hey, stop blaming yourself for what that bastard did to you, you went to his place because you trusted him. He is the one who took advantage of you and needs to be punished." Marcus's words make something heavy lift from my heart and make me want to love again.

"Did you report him?" Marcus asks after a while.

" No, I did not," I answer.

"What do you mean? someone assaulted you and you did not report them to the police." Marcus says a little loud, startling me. I can tell that he is angry.

"Nothing would have happened to him even if I tried to report him," I say playing with my fingers.

"What made you think like that?" He asks.

"He is from a well-to-do family, reporting him would have just ruined me. People would have questioned my morals and they would have blamed me for going to a man's house at night. They would have blamed my parents' upbringing" The last thing I wanted was to be called a loose woman by people who didn't even know me.

"Did you at least tell your family?" Marcus asks.

"No, I did not want my family to go through that pain again. My cousin was assaulted when she was in eleventh grade, and when my Aunt and uncle reported the person, everyone blamed them, calling them careless parents. Marcus, I still remember the pain my Aunt and uncle went through, and to make matters worse the boy's family claimed that he was mentally unstable so he was just admitted to the mental facility instead. I didn't want my parents to go through that pain and humiliation."

"I am sorry you had to go through all of that. I wish I was there to protect and shield you from everything terrible." Marcus says looking into my eyes.

"You are here now and that's what matters right now. When you are with me I feel safe. Even when you stopped that day I was not scared. Most of the time I can't spend even five minutes with a man I don't know. But I did feel that way with you." From the moment I met Marcus, there is something about him that makes me feel safe whenever I am with him.

"I am glad to hear that you feel safe around me. You make me want to protect you, and baby girl, from the moment I saw you enter the restaurant all I have ever wanted to do is hold you close and never let you go." His words make tears of joy drop from my eyes. No one apart from my family, Maggie and Jude has had my back.

"I am sorry for ruining the night. I am sure you did not see it ending like this," I mumble.

"You are right, I did not see my night ending like this, because this is better than any of my imagination. you in my arms is everything I have been looking forward to." What did I do in my previous life to deserve someone like Marcus? He is every woman's dream.

"Thank you for staying tonight, if it was someone else, they would not have stayed with me after my breakdown"

"I would never leave when I know you are not okay, you are stuck with me, sweetheart. I will take care of you and protect you from now on. I promise I will never hurt you." I feel whole right now. It is like I have found what I have been missing my entire life. Marcus's arms feel like home, and I want to be held in them forever.

"What are you thinking about?" Marcus's question brings me back to reality.

"l am thinking about how lucky I am that you are in my life, Marcus. Before I met you I felt like I was missing something and now that void has been filled." I tell him, smiling.

"I am the lucky one, baby girl, I have been lucky from the moment I laid my eyes on you," he says, holding me so tight.

If anyone told me a month ago that I was going to be in this sexy man's arms I would have laughed in their face. But right now it is happening and I am going to cherish every moment of it.