Chapter 4 ( A Childhood memory )

 Chapter 4  {A Childhood memory} 

Mandolin returned from work at her usual time, entering her apartment. She lifted her right foot and removed her shoes, holding them in her left hand. After repeating the same with the other side, she carefully placed them in their designated spot. As she entered the living room, she discovered Li Qi seated in a chair, silently observing her. His presence didn't immediately upset or surprise her; instead, a mixture of anticipation and frustration played across her face. Confronting her reaction to his presence with astonishment, he began to study her facial expressions while she asked him in a calm voice devoid of any expression,

"So, are you here to finish what you didn't do last time?"

With obvious astonishment, he responded,

"Didn't my presence here surprise you, or were you expecting my return?"

She stood at the doorway, watching him. Li Qi was wearing a morning gym outfit with a sun hat on his head. She commented, 

"It looks like you've been here for a long time. Are you tired of waiting?"

Without waiting for his answer, she moved away from the doorway and went to the bathroom, washing her hands and face while he watched her with an innocent expression, like a small child following his mother while she moved around the house, waiting for her to put food out for him. She came out of the bathroom, dried her face with a towel, and threw it on the edge of the bed. She then went to the refrigerator, opened its door, and inquired,

"Did you eat anything?" She then said,

"I can see the food as it is. Do you want to eat something with me, or are you in a hurry to finish the job? If that's the case, neither of us will be able to eat, right?"

Moving her head back from inside the refrigerator and looking at him, she raised two plates and asked,

"Are you going to eat with me?"

Li Qi nodded in agreement.

She put the food in metal saucepans on the stove, saying,

"I will go in and take a shower now. Can you watch the stove?"

He did not answer, and his eyes widened. Again, she didn't wait for his answer and continued,

"I will not be long; I'll get out before the food burns."

Smiling, she grabbed some clothes and a towel from the edge of the bed, heading into the bathroom. Li Qi finally took action, standing up and quietly walking over to her. He grabbed her hand as she was closing the bathroom door and said,

"Don't close the door."

Mandolin's anger appeared for the first time. She narrowed her eyes and said,

"Definitely, I will close the door."

Trying to force-close the bathroom door, Li Qi blocked it with his foot. She responded angrily, "Then I will not take my shower. I'm so disappointed in you; now get out of my way."

He let go of her hand, pulled his foot out from the doorway, bowed his head, and replied, "I'm sorry," in a very humble voice.

She tilted her head in astonishment. Even more surprised, she watched him move away, return to the chair where he had been sitting, and sit down again with his head bowed. She stood there for a few seconds, observing him, then closed the bathroom door and locked it from the inside.

When he heard the sound of the lock, he suddenly raised his head, showing signs of anger and a hard stare in his eyes. He tightened his grip on the armrests of the chair. He seemed almost as if he were about to jump out and smash the door. However, he became calm when he heard the shower being turned on. He loosened his grip, relaxed his face, and kept staring at the bathroom door, lost in his thoughts.

Recalling a childhood memory, he thought of a five-year-old child sitting in front of a bathroom door, playing a video game while his mother took a shower. The door was open, and the fragrance of food filled the air. His mother smiled at him, and he occasionally glanced at her, absorbed in his game. The white foam from the shampoo caught his eye as it covered her head while she rubbed her hair with her fingertips. When his mother went under the water, the foam gently descended over her body to the ground before dissipating into the drain. The child watched his mother until her wet, straight hair fell over her back. Then, he returned to playing his game.

Moments later, his mother emerged from the bathroom, touched his hair with her fingers, and complimented him. "Li Qi is a good boy, and his mother loves him very much." She then checked on the food while the boy watched her in silence.

The sound of the bathroom door opening brought him back to the present. Mandolin came out smiling and asked,

"Have you watched the food for me, good boy?"

Li Qi leaned his head forward, anticipating her touching his hair, but she went directly to the stove. Li Qi looked disappointed, clasping his hands together like a sad child. He raised his head, watching her as she lifted the pans from the stove and prepared the food to eat. Mandolin said, 

"I will serve the food now; do you want to wash your hands?"

Li Qi stood up and obediently followed her order.

Returning, he found the food arranged on the short dining table, with her seated on the floor. She gestured for him to join, and he sat as directed. She handed him chopsticks and remarked, "I'm using a fork. Even though I've been living in Taiwan for about a year, I haven't learned to use chopsticks. I guess I'll never get the hang of using them, and I don't really need to; the fork is enough."

Li Qi watched her eat, but he didn't eat anything. She looked at him, then at the food, and said, "Oh well."

She used her fork to pick up some food from his plate, assuring him,

"There is no poison in your food; don't worry."

She then suspended her hand over his plate and said,

"Maybe you'd like to exchange plates."

Li Qi pushed the food from her fork back onto his plate with the chopsticks, picked it up, and ate it while looking at her. Finally, he spoke and said,

"I don't doubt you."

She continued to eat slowly, seemingly lost in thought. While Li Qi continued to watch her without eating, she said without looking at him,

"Is death by chopstick stabbing painful? Do you intend to stab me now or after I finish my dish?" Li Qi threw the chopsticks onto the table and said, "Do you think I'll share your food and then kill you afterwards? What do you think of me, cowardly traitor?"

He felt more wronged than angry.

She asked, 

"So in what way do you intend to kill me? I would like to know."

He replied, 

"Really! Do you still think I want to kill you?"

She asked, 

"Is that not why you came?"

He bowed his head and did not answer. In a somewhat sarcastic voice, she said,

"Well, it's good to know that you don't want to kill me, at least not today. But why did you not eat? Is this food not to your taste? Should I prepare something else for you?"

He raised his head in astonishment and asked,

"You want to cook for me?"

She answered spontaneously,

"Yes, but it will not be Chinese food, because, to be honest with you, I don't really want to learn any new dishes; I just cook the way I have for a very long time."

Taking the chopsticks, Li Qi began to eat and said,

"This food is delicious, and I like it. Many thanks." 

She smiled and finished her meal. Both of them were silent, focused on the food. After they finished eating, Mandolin got up and gathered their plates; she then went to wash the dishes and asked him,

"Would you like anything to drink? Do you want something?"

He replied, 

"I want to spend the night here."

She turned and looked at him. His facial expression was one of anticipation; he anticipated her answer like a child waiting to be allowed to go out to play with his friends. She finished what she was doing in silence, while he sat on his knees waiting for her answer with widened eyes. Then, as she dried her hands, she replied to him,

"You can stay only if you promise not to do anything to bother me."

He nodded and said, 

"I promise."

She went to her wardrobe and told him,

"You can go in and take a shower and brush your teeth; you will find a new toothbrush in the mirror's drawer, and I will bring you clothes to sleep in."

He rushed into the shower, and when he was done, he discovered pyjamas hanging on the back of the bathroom door. It seems that she had opened the door and hung the clothes over it without him noticing. He put them on and came out of the bathroom door, and he asked her in an anticipating tone, afraid of her answer:

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

She answered,

 "I am wondering why you are asking this now."

"Because you have an unused brush and men's pyjamas." he said.

She laughed and said,

"This brush is mine because I regularly change my brushes; sometimes I forget to buy new ones when the time comes, so I buy extra ones when they're in front of me. And I keep some men's clothes here so that if anyone comes here, they will think that there is a man living here. After all, you can't be sure of the people you let in."

He smiled in satisfaction at her answers, and as he approached the side of the bed, she said,

"You dried your hair; well done."

He put his hand up and brushed it over his hair. He closed his eyes and opened them in the way of a young child feeling proud of himself after his mother praised him for doing something for himself without relying on her. Mandolin pointed to him, 

"You will sleep on this side, and I'm going to sleep here, okay?"

He nodded at her. Li Qi slipped under the cover on one side of the bed while Mandolin lay on the other side.He engaged all his senses and paid attention to all the small details around him, as if he were mentally trying to record everything in fine detail. He wanted to keep a clear memory of this night and its details. He sniffed the pillow and the cover and closed his eyes to intensify the smell and remember it. He moved his hand on the cover, feeling its texture as well as the feel of the bed sheet, moving his eyes around the room, registering its details in the dim light coming from behind the window, and listening in order to hear her breathing even though she was distant from him. He wished to get closer to her, but he was afraid that she might get angry and mistrust him. After a few minutes, Mandolin moved to the side, her back to him, so he moved to the side too, to face her. He could see her hair falling on the pillow and the shape of the cover on her body; he closed his eyes to memorise every detail. He put the palm of his hand under his cheek and fixed his eyes on her.

He did not feel sleepy and did not want to sleep. He will not waste a single minute of being next to her. He knows that it may be the last time he sees her so close and that she will never be able to trust him. That is why he should record everything in his memory; anyway, he does not have many pleasant memories in his brain. This seemed to be such a perfect moment that he wanted to remember it in every detail. Mandolin moved again, rolling over to face him this time; her eyes were open. She also didn't feel sleepy. Li Qi remained motionless, didn't change his facial expression, and continued to stare at her face. Her face was lit by the dim light coming from the window behind him while his face was lit by the light coming from the bathroom; he had not turned it off, and she had also left it on. He contemplated her quietly, as he needed to preserve all of her features and the expression on her face. She approached him unexpectedly; she needed the warmth she felt the night before when he hugged and patted her back to comfort and reassure her. Li Qi was shocked for a few seconds, then pulled his hand from under his cheek and put his arm on the pillow above her head, so she raised her head a little. He then slid his arm under her neck and brought her head closer to his chest. 

His heartbeat increased and then calmed down again, adding other details to his memory: the warmth of her body, her breath, and the feel of her hair under his shaved chin. He wished to add something else to his memory, which was the feel of her skin. He gently touched her cheek with his fingertips as he moved his hand slowly. He closed his eyes to pay more attention to the feeling and carefully recorded the structure of her face, and when his fingers passed over her lips, she released them. His fingers ran over her lips, measuring them with his fingers and registering their feelings. She kissed his fingers. His hand stopped, he opened his eyes, and he regained consciousness. She kissed his stuck fingers on her lips one more time.

He then moved automatically, raised her face with his hand, tilted his head, then kissed her lips, and he shivered when she reciprocated his kiss calmly and confidently. His primitive instincts awoke against his will, and his heartbeat increased rapidly when she raised her arm and placed it on his shoulder and then touched the back of his head with her fingers. He pulled his arm from the bottom of her neck and straightened, so she also adjusted her position and lay on her back while he leaned over her. He put his arm around her head to hold it, put his other hand around her neck, and then kissed her quickly and violently. She moved her head aside and grabbed the wrist that was at her neck. Then she said,

"There is no need for all this strength and holding on to me; I'm not going anywhere. Loosen your grip and calm down a little."

 He immediately let go of her neck and straightened himself, It was as if he had lost consciousness, and then suddenly regained it, he jumped up and off the bed and ran to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, while Mandolin was lay in her bed in amazement, after a few minutes he came out now dressed, went to the door, quickly put on his shoes, and left the apartment, as if he were fleeing a house that was collapsing around him, while Mandolin sat on the bed, shocked, not knowing what had happened.

Li Qi left the building and walked down the street at a fast pace until he got away from Mandolin's apartment building. Then he started running and accelerated until his legs were fatigued and his strength gave out; he then collapsed exhausted and panting heavily on the ground. He arrived in a quiet neighbourhood, and the street was empty so no one saw him. Nobody was there to witness when his tears streamed from his eyes against his will, and he cried a river while kneeling on the ground.