The Chase

"Just fucking stop!" muli siyang sumigaw, this time, tumayo na siya.

Nagulat ang lahat. Maski ako nagulat din at napatigil sa ginagawa. Sinalubong ko ang matatalim niyang tingin. He was about to walk out when that fucking epal girl grab him by his wrist. Napatigil siya sa pag-alis at tiningnan ang fucking epal girl na iyon. Punyeta!

Inilapag ko ang gitara sa sahig. Hindi ko kayang tingnan ang stance nilang dalawa. Lumilipad ang utak ko.

"Who are you?!"

I animatedly cleared my throat when he ask again, this time with stern and serious voice.

Iginala ko ang tingin sa paligid, looking at every human being that are present inside this room. Lahat sila nagulat sa ginawa ni Siggy. So, it's not only me who can feel the tension rising.

I breathe in and breathe out, then I slowly put my shades on the top of my head and reveal my entire face that gives everybody an awe and gasps.

"Holy shit! Sandi PH!"

"S-S-Si Sa-Sandi Hinolan?"

"OMG! Sandi Hinolan!"

I clear my throat and straighten my posture. Smiled innocently to Siggy, not minding other people's murmurings. They are, again, shrieking and kilig-kilig, 'yong ganoon. Ano bang nakakakilig sa akin? Wala naman, ah. I'd be damned if this guy in front of me is kinikilig by my presence.

But hell, no. His facial expression and body stance said it so that it's not what I am thinking of. Hell.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

Oh... cold voice. Why is it that I have this hunch that he's angry with me? He should be... happy, right? Ang sabi ni Kiara, mahal niya pa ako. Mahal na mahal. He should embrace me right now like we haven't seen each other for a damn long time. Bakit parang galit siya? Is he spatting to me?

"Hala siya! Totoo talagang nandito siya sa Pilipinas! I'm Rum Ramirez, Ms. Sandi Hinolan. Ang ganda niyo po sa personal."

Inabot no'ng nagpakilalang Rum Ramirez ang sarili niyang kamay for a shake hands. Nakangiti ko naman itong tinanggap without giving him a look. You already know where my eyes are directed. The one and only I adore and love.

"Y-You look gorgeous, Ms. Sandi. Ako naman po si Avilla. Teka lang, ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko, kinakabahan ako."

Kulang na lang at mangisay itong fucking epal girl sa harapan ko. But I smile to her, baka sabihing ingrata ako or something dahil lang fucking epal girl ang tawag ko sa kaniya sa utak ko.

"Hi, Avilla." Katunog ng pangalan mo 'yong agila.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" Napunta na naman sa kaniya ang atensiyon namin ng itanong niya ulit ang tanong niya kanina. This time, lumapit na siya but still keeping a distance to me pero masiyadong malapit sa agilang fucking epal na 'yan.

"I'm here to audition. Nagpapa-audition kayo sa lead role ng movie n'yo, right? I'm interested that's why I'm here."

"Hala! Sana sinabi mo, Ms. Sandi, na mag-a-audition ka. Pumila ka ba? Pasensiya na at naghintay ka," sabi ni Rum.

"No, that's fine. I came here unannounced because I want to be fair with the other auditionees. I don't want to use my influential card just to get in. Gusto ko lang maging normal na tao. For once."

"Daebak!"

"Grabe! Ang humble talaga!"

"Tapos ang ganda pa!"

I wave to everyone here and they shriek again. Mga Shrek yata 'to sa past life nila.

"Hindi namin kailangan ang isang artistang katulad mo."

Oh, wow! Now he's talking again.

"Pero Sig-

"Oo nga pala, Ms. Sandi. Nakaka-shock ang biglang pagsulpot mo ngayon sa munti naming audition pero hindi namin kayang bayaran ang talent fee mo, Ms. Sandi. Low budget lang po kasi itong gagawin naming movie, Ms. Sandi. P-Pasensiya na po."

Is this fucking epal girl the spokesperson of the group? Bakit ba palagi siyang nagsasalita. At saka ano 'yong sinabi niya? Wow ha!

"We don't need your talent here."

Wow ha, ulit! In-english niya lang 'yong sinabi niya kanina. Wala na ba siyang ibang sasabihin like I miss you, Sandi, so damn much? Hindi talaga ganoon? Talagang paulit-ulit na lang ang sasabihin niya?

"Grabe, sayang naman. Nag-effort pa namang pumunta rito si Ms. Sandi tapos 'yan lang 'yong sasabihin mo. Magaling na artista 'to, oh. Bagay siya sa bida mo, pare!"

I kind of like this Rum Ramirez guy na ito. Talagang pinagtatanggol niya ako. Paniguradong fan ko 'to, oh.

"'Pag sinabi kong hindi, hindi. Wala kaming budget para sa 'yo. Mahal ka 'di ba?"

"Hindi ko alam. Mahal ba ako? Mahal mo ba ako?" seryosong tanong ko sa kaniya.

The atmosphere keeps getting heavier each passing second. Napa-iling si Siggy sa sinagot ko at umiwas ng tingin.

"Hindi ka namin tatanggapin. I've already chose one."

"Huh? Sino? 'Di ba wala pa?"

"Oo nga, Sig. Wala pa naman tayong napili ah?"

"Meron! At hindi siya 'yon." Sabay tingin sa akin.

Okay, spat on me as long as you can. I can bear with it. Go on.

"I can finance your movie or whatever. I can wholeheartedly do it. Alam n'yo naman kung gaano ko kagusto ang industriyang ito. I will-"

"We don't need your money here. Now if you don't have anything to say, you can leave now."

Holy mother of monkey! Sinabi kong go on, spat at me, pero hindi sa ganito ka-seryosong boses mo! Grabe ka naman.

Napalunok ako dahil sa sobrang seryoso ng kaniyang boses. Nakita ko nga rin na nagulat ang dalawang katabi niya dahil sa sinabi niya. Kung hindi lang talaga ako marunong bumalanse, baka kanina pa ako bumagsak dahil sa panghihina. Ano ba 'yan.

"Ms. Sandi, papunta na po rito sina Ms. Yang. Kakaladkarin ka raw kapag hindi pa tayo umuwi. Tara na, Ms. Sandi."

Biglang sumulpot from somewhere si Nissa. I sigh and look intently at him.

"Alright, if you ever change your mind, my line is always open to help you with this movie. Thank you for your time and nice to meet you all."

I put on my shades and naglakad paalis sa kanilang lahat. Gusto ko nang sumabog sa galit. Hindi ito ang inaasahan kong unang pagkikita naming dalawa. I thought he's still in love with me? Pero bakit ganoon siya makitungo sa akin?

Okay, let me get this straight. Oo, nakipaghiwalay ako sa kaniya. Oo, masasakit na salita ang binitiwan ko sa kaniya. At oo nga, Sandreanna, mukhang galit nga siya talaga sa 'yo.

But, hindi ba uso ang move on sa kaniya? Grabe naman. 'Di ba dapat manaig ang pagmamahal kaysa sa galit? Ako nga, mas nanaig ngayon ang pagmamahal sa kaniya. And I think the distance helped me realize that I love him even more now.

The things you do for love. A Lannister once said.

Napagsabihan ako nang makauwi sa malaking bahay, almost a mansion, na titirhan ko. Hindi natuloy ang pagkaladkad sa akin ni Ms. Yang kasi agad din naman kaming umuwi ni Nissa, Martin, at Chivas. 'Yon lang, puro talak lang pag-uwi ko. Binalewala ko na. Sanay na rin naman ako sa talak-talak na 'yan.

But that night didn't give me peace at all. I had to overthink again and again. Overthinking about what that fucking epal girl did just to calm Siggy down. Anong papel mo sa buhay, Avilla? May papel ka ba talaga? Bakit para kang mukhang scratch paper?

"Sandi, please, this should be the last one. You made us worry. Kahit bago lang ako, please makinig ka naman sa akin. Ako na ang magiging manager mo and I am in charge of your safety and everything. Please, don't do that stuff again."

Para akong nag-snap bigla nang marinig na nagsasalita pa pala si Ms. Yang. Napasinghap ako at tumingala sa kaniya. Hindi pa pala tapos ang sermon nila sa akin.

"Sandi, walang silbi 'yang kasikatan mo kapag sa isang iglap lang titibagin mo ang lahat. I am so worried of you. Sobrang tagal n'yo sa audition na 'yon and each passing hour na hindi pa kayo umuuwi ni Nissa, mas lalo akong kinakabahan. You are a well known actress, Sandi. You're an easy to spot celebrity because you're an international artist."

I nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry if I made you all worried." I stand up and look at Mama Hector and Ms. Yang.

"You should act up before I go. I can't leave you like this, Sandreanna."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry." I swallow hard dahil sa sobrang seryoso ng boses ni Mama Hector. He didn't say much nang makarating ako. Ngayon lang yata siya nagsalita.

"Your Mom's calling you for hours. She said she really needs to talk to you. Return the call, Sandi. She needs to hear from you."

Mama Hector gave me his phone. I sigh as I search for Mommy's contact details on Mama Hector's phonebook.

I click her name when I saw it and waited. That's also the cue of Mama Hector and Ms. Yang to go out of my study room.

I lean back on my swivel chair, look up to the ceiling, bit my lower lip, and heavily sigh as I waited for Mommy to pick up her phone.

After three rings, she picked it up.

"Yes, Hector? Is m daughter already there? Sa'n ba kasi nagpunta 'yan?"

"Mom..."

"Por dios por santo, Sandreanna! You finally answered my call! Where have you been? Totoo ba 'tong nabalitaan ko? You're here? Since when? Why did you pull that stunt? Gusto kong marinig ang lahat galing sa 'yo, Sandreanna. Ano na!"

"Mom, can we talk tomorrow? I'm really tired po."

"Do not pull that card to me, Sandreanna! You've never been tired your whole life. That's what you want right? Then why are you quitting?"

"I am not quitting, Mom. Umuwi lang ako ng Pilipinas. Gusto ko lang na magtrabaho rito."

"What? I saw your press conference. This is not you, Sandreanna!"

"Mom, aren't you happy that I'm home? That I finally decided to be home? Or saka ka lang magiging masaya kapag naisipan kong ipagpatuloy ang dapat na ginagawa ko ngayon? Med School is it?"

"Sandreanna, it's not too late-"

"Mom... stop. I'll never gonna do that. Isn't it enough that Dahlia's already doing that?"

"You have the audacity to talk to me with that kind of tone, Sandreanna?"

I sighed, a really hard one. I want to cry but I'm just too tired for that.

"Mom, can I ask you something?" The line is still quite so I continue. "Why did you lie about Siggy?"

"W-What? What are you talking about, Sandreanna?"

"Ninong Nicholas' history with his own brother is not true, right? Siggy didn't touch his own cousin. Why did you lie about it, Mom?"

Isang katahimikan ang unang sinagot ni Mommy sa akin. I counted using my fingers. And it took her fifteen seconds to be silent.

"I need to go, Sandi. I still have patients to accomodate to."

And just like that, the line cut off.

I almost throw the phone kung hindi ko lang naalala na kay Mama Hector pala 'to. Humigpit na lang ang hawak ko sa phone at tumayo, naisipang lumabas na sa study room.

Naabutan ko silang lahat sa living room. Nakaupo, halatang hinihintay akong lumabas. Una kong sinalubong ang tingin ni Mama Hector, although I know na lahat sila napalingon sa akin. I gave Mama Hector his phone.

"Pahinga na kayo, guys. I know this day had been a long one. Sorry for making you up all night." Ngumiti ako sa kanila pero si Nissa lang yata ang gumalaw at lumapit sa akin.

"Ms. Sandi, gusto ka raw pong kausapin ni Mrs. Kiara Lizares. Ang sabi niya po, importante raw."

Tinanggap ko ang phone na inabot ni Nissa sa akin. Tinapik ko ang balikat niya't ngumiti. "Ako nang bahala rito, Nis. Pahinga ka na. Pahinga na kayong lahat. I think we have a long day tomorrow." Isa-isa kong tiningnan silang lahat, mukhang hesitant pa rin na tumayo kaya nilingon ko na lang si Ms. Yang. "I'm sorry for what happened today, Ms. Yang. I'll do better next time."

"Sure you can. That's the Sandi I know. That's the Sandi everybody knew." Tinapik ni Ms. Yang ang balikat ko't sinabihan na ang lahat na magpahinga na. Starting today, dito na sila titira sa malaking bahay na ito.

I said good night to everyone before I went inside my room. Pagod na pagod na ako. Gusto ko nang magpahinga. Today's agenda was really the most exhausting errand I've ever ran to.

Umupo ako sa kama at nag-send ng message kay Kiara. Asking if I can call. But it never happened because she's the one who calls me already. Facetime.

"Hi, Ki!" I widely smile and even wave my hand to her enthusiastically. Surpressing the tiredness in me.

"Did I disturb you? It's in the middle of night. I know you should be resting."

"No, it's fine. Kauuwi ko lang din."

"You're really here? Umuwi ka talaga? Was that true? You left everything behind?"

Gusto ko mang ngumiti sa kabuuan ng tawag na ito pero alam kong hindi ko magagawa.

"Not everything, Ki. Some of it lang. I still have existing contracts with my sworn international brands."

"Why? Why did you do that? Is this something connected with our last conversation?" Her face is flushed. Parang nag-iingat siya sa bawat salitang binibitiwan niya. Na parang kapag namali lang siya ng salita, baka may mabasag siyang isang mamahaling bagay.

"Kind of," nakangiti pang sagot ko.

Mas lalo siyang nagulat sa naging sagot ko. Natakpan pa nga niya ang bibig niya gamit ang dalawa niyang kamay at gulat na gulat sa naging sagot ko.

"Oh, my God! I'm so sorry for what I said last time, for what we've talked about. 'Yong part na sinabi kong mahal na mahal ka ni Siggy. Yeah it was true. It was then true. Was, Sandi. Kasi akala ko hanggang ngayon mahal ka pa rin niya. I'm wrong, I forgot he's courting Thelaine nga pala. I'm so sorry!"

What the hell?

Unti-unting nawala ang ngiti ko dahil sa mga huling sinabi ni Kiara. What the hell?

"T-Thelaine?"

"Y-Yeah. Thelaine Ponsica. Kilala mo naman siya, 'di ba? Schoolmate natin sa MCCEI."

"Yeah. I know her."

The Thelaine Ponsica. The one and only Thelaine Ponsica. Si Thelaine Ponsica na mahal ng lahat. Mikan's ex and now, Siggy's future love. And the reason I'll be out of this world, soon.

"So 'yon nga, they had this mutual thing that I don't know what the right term is basta ang alam ko nililigawan na ni Siggy si Thelaine. I'm so sorry talaga for sharing it to you. Umuwi kasi siya kanina sa mansion ng mga Lizares na parang naiirita. Do'n ko rin nalaman na bigla ka raw nagpakita sa audition nila? Mukhang nagalit yata sa ginawa mo dahil nagtampo raw si Thelaine sa kaniya."

"Ah, okay."

"But why did you do that, Sandi? Bakit biglaan?"

"Um, Ki, I'll talk to you some other time. I need to rest. Ang dami pa kasing gagawin bukas. I'll see you soon."

At kusa kong pinatay ang tawag before she could see my bursting tears. Pero sa kalagitnaan ng pagkadurog ng mundo ko, nagawa kong i-search ang kahit anong account ni Thelaine Ponsica.

And I saw on her Facebook account the red flag I never saw coming. She has a private life but she's mayabang enough to include her and Siggy's sweet photo on her featured photos.

Yeah, Sandreanna Millicent, so much for thinking na may babalikan ka pa. Wala na pala. Huli na pala ang lahat.

Unti-unting pumatak ang luha, sumikip ang dibdib, nanuyo ang lalamunan, at gumuho ang mundong itinayo ko para sa sarili ko.

I'd go back to December and make it all right. I wish I could. But I'm late, too damn late. I'd go back in time and change it but I can't. I really can't. I wish I could go back to December.

~