Half of the Heart

It's doubtful when faced with two heavy choices that will destroy you. someone said, heaven will give me difficulties that I can handle, but that is not true for me, I feel like I can't handle the burden that falls on my shoulders rough and very cruel.

This life does not give me happiness, compared to others, it can be said that this is very unfair to me. If I have to sacrifice one of happiness, then which happiness should I choose for myself or my mother?

17:00, this afternoon the school building was almost empty there were only a few students who hurried home after exul. Especially this class that I live in, this afternoon's weather seemed to understand my feelings, dark, gloomy, and screams of lightning blaring like a heavy burden that surrounded me.

The sound of rain splashing on the window fills the silence that surrounds this room. I did not really look out the window, my mind wandered far away at the bits and pieces of bitter events that happened to me, it could be said that I was like a living corpse who did not know the direction, even though I was grateful for my life. I could not end my life in vain right?

The hand that had been supporting my head while daydreaming, finally gave up maybe because of the reaction from the tendons that were getting increasingly sore. I closed my eyes for a moment then let out a heavy breath hoping all the burdens were gone, even though it was only hope.

I got up from the bench that I occupied and carried a blue backpack that was worn out, the zipper also didn't work anymore. When I stepped out of the classroom, cold air immediately attacked to make me close the jacket I was wearing. Moist and wet, without realizing it had come and gone leaving droplets in many places, the sky looked pale as if relieved to have shed all that burden in millions of drops of water, it felt like I sometimes after crying my heart felt lighter.

The road is muddy, I jumped a puddle several times due to rain, walked past the sidewalk. The lights of the shop alongside the road and the vehicle started to flash, showing a sign that the night was coming, because this Saturday night I saw a number of school children walking along with their friends, some with their girlfriends they were having a great time enjoying their lives. But I can't be like them, even I'm still looking for answers about what happiness is, what does it feel like?

I accelerated my steps to get home, crossing a traffic jam filled with vehicles who don't want to go anywhere. When I arrived at my little house, I circled my surroundings, the terrace was dirty, probably because of the splashing rain that had flushed the city. I searched my backpack for house keys.

For the past two days, I have been the only person in my house. My one and only family, my mom, isn't here. My mother was brought in by loan sharks because we couldn't pay off our debts, not to mention the accumulated interest because we couldn't pay it off.

I lay my body on the bed, closed my eyes, thinking of the choices I had to make. My jaw ached, my tears flowing by themselves

*******

Making a decision within three days is very difficult especially as it will determine my future. Today, the third day where I have to make a choice. Did you save my mother? Or sacrifice my future?

A few more months of upgrading, of course going to level three is not easy, a lot of costs have to be spent as well as energy and thought. I packed my things because the school bell has been ringing since ten minutes ago.

Someone ran toward me panting.

"Mia, someone is looking for you, you were told to quickly meet him!" said my friend while normalizing his breath.

I frowned, paused for a moment. " Who? Where is he?" I asked.

"I don't know, he's an old man wearing a suit like a thug. He is waiting for you in front of the gate. I have other business, I'll go first! " he said while turning around and then leaving the classroom.

My eyes are rounded, my legs go limp, I stagger to the floor but Risti holds me, Risti has been behind me so automatically she tries to help me.

My heart keeps pounding, restless, I know exactly who that person is. The person who will destroy me, my chest is tight, my jaw hardens. My eyes began to wet I bit my lower lip so that it did not sob. I can no longer bear all this burden alone, I'm too afraid to face it, I'm afraid, I'm really scared now. Is my choice right?

"What's the matter? Lately you've changed Mia. Why are you like this?" Risti asked, glaring at me.

Risti blew out her breath then said "You never tell me again, and suddenly I saw you like this, I'm like a fool who doesn't know anything!"

It's my fault, I thought I could handle my own problems without involving others in it, but apparently not, I need someone else's help at least to vent my heart's content.

I just sobbed without answering my friend's question, do not know where to start to explain everything. I'm scared.

"Sorry." Only that word that came out of my mouth.

Risti suddenly hugged me and whispered. "Why? What happened? Tell me everything, don't hide it, don't avoid Mia! "She said softly.

I sobbed, Risti soothed me until I started getting better at least now I can talk back. With all my might I took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. Tell me everything that happened to me.

The cost of living, education, and treatment of my late father. What had to be fulfilled to survive made us have to owe moneylenders, jobs that couldn't fulfill all of them. Making our debt interest grow to tens of millions and we can't pay it off. The loan shark continues to win without stopping until his patience may run out. The loan shark said if I want to pay off the debt, then I must become his wife.

Somehow my mother's condition now, since he took my mother away. He only gave me three days to make a choice, if I didn't marry him then something would happen to my mother, and if I involve the police then my mother's life would be at stake.

I did not want to be the cause of my mother's death, he had been taking care of me, taking care of me, and he was everything to me. Therefore I have made my choice which is to sacrifice my future. Today I must accept my decision to save my mother.

Risti was shocked to hear everything, she closed her mouth and her expression also sad.

"Why didn't you tell me from the beginning Mia, why did you endure it alone?" She asked in frustration.

" What now? I think it's better to call the police to finish everything! '"

"No," I said quickly. "What if anything happened to my mother, I could not let that happen. Maybe this is my destiny. I don't want you to be in danger. " I say surrender.

"But Mia, I don't agree with that, how's your future going?" said Risti.

A rare sound of feet came towards the door of our classroom, then someone entered through the door. " Is there such a thing as Mia? Someone is looking for him? " he said immediately while looking at us who sat on the floor.

I turned to him then nodded, affirming his words. " That person said quickly, otherwise you will receive a reply.! " He continued. Then he closed the door and walked out of the classroom.

I exhaled a heavy breath, regaining my energy again stood up straight to meet him. Risti stopped me but I refused, because inevitably I had to see her.

**************

I like it when the sky turns at dusk to show a beautiful orange color adorning the sky combined with a fading blue. But lately the sky seems always cloudy, only pale rain drops. The figure who saw me sharply forced me to ride a car that was parked beside him. I just looked down not dare to see it and obey his orders.

This man already has three wives and the other is divorced, he uses his wealth to hook her. And I will be the next victim. What else can I do, I also cannot pay off this debt, maybe with this I can save my mother's life. At least my mother's burden.

"I want to meet my mother!" I said firmly.

The man burst out laughing, then said. "Not now. After we get married, then you can meet the woman, "he said sharply.

I bit my lower lip holding back the tears that swept over me, please let me out on this issue. I screamed in my heart.

The next day. The man preparing for this marriage was nothing special, even without the presence of my mother.

Throughout the night I just cried without stopping I prayed to God that all this did not happen, I wish I could save my mother without this way. What should I do? I'm afraid of my own life.

But whatever power I did not expect had happened. I don't know if this marriage is legal or not, I'm just drowning in my fear, what will happen to me?

There are no words coming out of my mouth, my body just feels weak, tears keep flowing, I have not had the appetite to eat since there is this problem, I think my health is somewhat decreased.

From yesterday Risti kept in contact with me, but I couldn't answer because my cellphone was with this man.

This man took me away somewhere after we got married, he brought his bodyguards to prevent me if I do anything.

I tried to speak loudly. "Now I want to meet my mother!"

The man looked at me, then pursed one lip. " Tomorrow, after we pass tonight, honey! " he said while stroking my head.

I swiftly waved his hand. "Don't touch me!" I said sharply.

The man laughed. " It is impossible!"

*****

I dreamed out the window of my mind now can not be separated from the events that I experienced that night, scary that's all I feel. That night no stars adorned the sky, all dark as dark as my heart that is now afraid.

Tears that can not be held back if you remember something that hurts.

Everything that I don't want has happened, my future is now gone. So, there's only one hope that I hope can be achieved. Mom Where are you?

During the day this man took me to a place where there was only a hut surrounded by thugs or maybe his guards.

Is my mom in that place? My heart is restless between being afraid and happy to see my mother again.

I immediately ran to my mother who was lying unconscious. "Mother, mother," I said, sobbing.

I stroked my mother who was not moving at all. Several people who were big and tattooed looked at me and laughed at me crying over my mother.

"Boss, that child is too late," said one of them, to the loan shark.

I turned to hear that. "What do you mean?" I asked softly,

"Your mother is dead!" he said firmly.

Like being stabbed by thousands of daggers, my heart aches chest tightness jaw hardened to digest his words, my tears broke out at once. "What?" I hugged my mother trying to wake her

"No, no, please don't be like this!" I couldn't speak. My sobbing became more and more. "Mother ..." my body shook violently, who knows what is in my mind right now, I was very frustrated not to accept all this. With alacrity I ran to the man, I tried to look at him sharply.

"What did you do to my mother huh?"

The man just laughed and didn't perceive me, I roughly pushed him, attacked him, hit him and vented my frustration. " You bastard, you crazy, you liar. " My hiss is sharp.

Some guards immediately arrested me to stop beating the man. "Let go!" I hissed.

I could not calm at all and continued to rebel, my body trembled, the cries that never died down, making me slapped so hard to be helpless.

************

They took me to a room, when I rebelled they stabbed my stomach, I could not bear my pain. Suddenly the door opened and I saw the figure of Risti in front of me, I heard police sirens. Risti approached me.

"Mia ..." he said when he saw me helpless, "You why, let's go to the hospital."

I forced a smile, and tried to speak. "May I ask for your help?" I asked, bricking while enduring the pain.

Risti nodded steadily.

"Help me to leave calmly!"