Promise

It was an ordeal getting out of the barracks, it was almost impossible to move without waking someone up, everyone was sleeping inches away from each other, plus the room was nauseating, the thought of having to sleep here again makes me want to sleep outside, in fact with how much everyone in this room snores I doubt I'll be able to sleep in this one later. ... pigsty, fuck there are even mice passing from one place to another, I hope that the little time I spend locked up here I haven't got the fucking fleas... I have to be careful with my hygiene I don't want to have black plague, apparently it hasn't arrived to Ireland yet, but as I see things are it won't take long to arrive...

I looked at the sky, it was the first time since I was in this time that I could look at the stars, it was always cloudy, but the view was more than impressive, it was like seeing a dark ocean, full of stars, not even when we went to visit the Grand Canyon at night, I saw a night as beautiful as this one.

-What's the matter, boy?

-Willfest, you scared me, I was staring at nothing, the stars are beautiful.

Willfest looked at the sky with me.

-Mmm I guess you're right, but go back to sleep, it's dangerous for you to be outside, it's likely that Mullers will try to attack us when we're off guard.

Willfest didn't appreciate the starry sky like I do, I guess when you get to see this spot so often, you don't appreciate it like I do.

-I went out for a pee, I'll do that and come back.

I couldn't tell him I was going to see his daughter alone at night.

-Come back as soon as you are done, tomorrow your armour should be ready and I intend to be out of here in the early hours before Mullers wakes up, understand Gran?

-I understand my Sir Willfest,' I said mockingly.

-Muttley.

I took advantage of Willfest's departure, and went straight to Lay's, hiding from the guards who were on patrol.

I really didn't understand Lay at this point, she got upset when I hugged her, after a few uncomfortable hours she invites me to her room, where I really hope she doesn't propose to me, I was already hurtful with her when I called her a murderer, I wouldn't like to keep hurting her by rejecting her... I just hope it's just my imagination.

I knocked on the door of her room to let me in, she gave me her permission and I entered, I was surprised, Lay was leaning on the window, it was the first time I saw her without her armour, she was quite pretty, in fact I didn't think she looked so feminine without that armour she always wore.

-What's wrong Gran, come in and close the door before they see you.

-Yeah, sorry Lay, I'm sorry, I was just impressed by you.

I closed the door immediately.

-He was obviously blushing, and I gather he knows what he says is a lie.

It was obvious he was blushing, and I gather he knows what he's saying is a lie, he just wants to hear otherwise.

-On the contrary, Lay, you look beautiful, you probably have a lot of suitors.

From his reaction it seems that I had screwed up, it was obvious that my comment caused him discomfort.

The room only had a small bed, a bedside table and a wardrobe.

-Lay, why did you ask me to come here?

-To keep a promise.

She went to the cupboard, opened it and took out a bottle of whisky and two glasses.

-That's it, pour me some, you know you had me worried, especially since the push you gave me for hugging you.

She handed me a glass, and poured.

-Let's sit on the bed, I wanted to take advantage of a moment of 'peace' to keep the promise, when we get to Dublin I was worried I wouldn't be able to keep it, Gran.

-So bad do you see my situation arriving in Dublin.

-Not bad, catastrophic, if I may say so.

I thought about his words, he's right, it's possible that I'm going straight to my death.

-There's not much you can do, what are we toasting to, Lay?

-Mmm, for you to find that person you told me about, the one I remind you of.

I admit I was caught off guard.

-Lay... Then for you to become a gentleman like you want to be.

She entwined her arm with mine, we both toasted, lived and said a to your health in unison.

-I still feel upset about the push, you know?

-I'm also upset that you called me a murderer.

Again that cold stare.

-Touche, you win honestly I screwed up more, but Lay what you do I find it horrendous, you could have killed them without making them suffer.

Lay moved closer to the wall from the bed to lean against it.

-The haters.

-Don't I understand you?

-I hate all men Gran, they disgust me, when I fight them I can't contain my anger, yes, you said it well I enjoy it.

I didn't know how to answer Lay, I took the last of my whiskey in one sip.

-Lay, I'm afraid to ask, but I will, why do you hate us?

-I don't hate you Gran, I don't hate Roy either, I guess you guys are the exception to the rule, but the rest I do.

I thought it would also include his father Willfest, but it seems to be much more serious.

-It's to do with Prince Edward, isn't it?

Lay lunged at me, squeezing both my arms tightly in his hands.

-How do you know about that, for fuck's sake, tell me?

-Lay, you're hurting me... Roy told me you were a very different person before you met the prince, the rest I figured out.

-Gran, I assure you, you don't know shit.

She squeezed me much tighter, making an effort not to scream at me.

-You were raped, weren't you, Lay? 

She looked at me with horror, apparently... no, unfortunately I hit the nail on the head, she slowly let go of my arms, the wounds on the palms of her hands had opened up.

-How can you know that, I've never told anyone,' she said with an overwhelming coldness.

I'm sure that if I say the wrong thing, I could pay for it with my life.

-Answer me!

-Prince Edward is a Machiavellian fiend, despite being a child, he has a reputation for asking his men to rape women for pleasure, my father told me about it.

-Not only did his men rape me, while they were holding me they helped a shitty 8 year old brat rape me, it's pathetic isn't it, let the prince rape me....

He couldn't even keep talking, he was holding back.... never mind that I'll pay for the following.

-Lay, I'm going to hug you, if you don't want it, just push me away.

Luckily the hug this time was well received... I didn't even know what to say to her, I imagined what happened, but I was even worse than I thought I would be.

She cried at last without holding back.

-Lay, tell me how I can help you, if you want my help, excuse me if I'm not able to say something comforting, no, I don't even know what I'm saying, they did something horrible to you, I... I'll do everything I can so that they don't hurt you again.

-Great, are you really that dumb to believe that you can keep that promise?

-I don't know... until a couple of days ago it didn't even cross my mind to be able to end a life, even so I did it, until now it's eating me up inside, and...

I filled the glass for me and Lay, we both drank some.

-The thought of not wanting to live still haunts my mind, but you, your brother and your father, see something in me that I can't see, just as I see in you what you don't see.

-What do you have to do with everything you tell me about promising that no one will hurt me... what do you see in me?

-A beautiful friend who needs a helping hand, without asking why, to be supported without judgement, you're right I can't promise I can't promise to stop you from getting hurt, but I can promise to make every effort to stop you from getting hurt.

-You're an idiot Gran, a simple promise would have been enough, you didn't have to say something so nice for me to believe you... I think now I can understand why I can't hate you, I still can't understand... forget it, my glass is already empty, fill it up again.

-Apparently the squire thinks she's already a Sir, so I have no choice but to tell her as I command.

She managed to laugh a little.

-Soldier, not squire, they call me the squire without a knight, because no one has ever wanted to take me as a squire.

-If by some crazy fate of life I become a knight, I'll make you mine... shit, I didn't mean it like that, I mean I'll make you my squire.

She laughed again, she had some pretty white teeth.... How can she have such good oral hygiene... even if she was using rosemary ash, which would be the norm at this time, she shouldn't have them so white... no, it's not the time to ask something like that, not now.

-I'll take you at your word Sir Gran... don't hate me for what I'm thinking of doing Gran, but I need to get it out of my head.

She drank whisky straight from the bottle, she came up to me and kissed me even with the whisky in her mouth, the kiss wasn't bad, but she wasn't Hero, before I pushed her away, she stopped kissing me.

-Nothing... that's good, things are better this way,' Lay said satisfied.

-I feel strange and rejected at the same time, can you explain to me what that was?

-I wasn't sure how I feel about you, it's very rare for me to feel good with a man, if we don't count my brother who tried so hard to be part of my life, I was confused with you, I want you to be my friend, and keep the promises you made to me tonight Gran.

-I never thought I would feel bad because a woman I have no love feelings for rejects me, that said, I intend to keep my promises Lay, now tell me how do you like them?

-I don't understand you, like what?

I snatched the bottle of whisky from Lay and drank some.

-How do you like women?

-I didn't say I like women.

-But you like them, don't you?

-Yes, I like them, I tend to look at their asses a lot,' said Lay embarrassed.

She snatched the bottle from me to drink.

-So you're one of mine, I like female butts too, apparently we have more in common than I thought.

-Idiot... oh, I'm out of the bottle... What's it like to be able to love someone?

-It can be beautiful, sometimes it suffocates you, sometimes it's a path of roses and sometimes it's a path of thorns, it's a complicated thing to explain... Haven't you managed to fall in love with someone Lay?

-No, never, I think when I was younger I had a little crush on a girl with red hair, I don't remember her name, it's the closest I've ever felt to someone.

-Don't worry, you'll find someone.

She said nothing more on the matter.

-I hope so... Gran you can sleep with me tonight, I feel... helpless.

I got a little nervous, but I was grateful to be able to avoid sleeping in the barracks.

-Of course.

She opened the bed and asked me to get into it, I listened, took off my shoes, lay on my side, she clung to me because the bed was narrow, put her arms around me and buried her face in my chest.

-She put her arms around me and buried her face in my chest.

I hugged her as gently as I could.

-One more thing Gran, when there are people, don't hug me, things can get complicated if they see me doing it, they might think you're courting me.

-I'm not worried, let them think what they want, but if you prefer me to do it alone in private, no problem.

-Thanks for understanding, good night dear Gran.

-Good night dear Lay.