Messing with Ishida

"I swear on the pride of the Quincy... I will KILL YOU!!!"

That declaration left Ishida's mouth as he broke a part of the glove he was wearing, resulting in his Spiritual Pressure spiking even further while simultaneously qualifying him to push the Quincy's technique to absorb Spiritual Power even further, making it possible to do so even to the surrounding structures.

Seeing Ishda's current form, Yuna couldn't help but her chin in curiosity. She hadn't bothered much with the difference between Shinigami and Quincy, but now she couldn't help but get a little curious. Especially since Ishida was currently slowly disintegrating the nearby walls and turning them into his Spiritual Power.

'How interesting~ He even turned his Spiritual Power into small strings and is using them to control his body. Not really sure why he is doing that, but I guess he was paralyzed before I arrived here.'

After she finished inspecting Ishida, her gaze landed on his opponent: Mayuri Kurotsuchi, in all his white and golden weirdness. Feeling his Spiritual Power, Yuna lost interest in him rather quickly. Additionally, from what she had heard, he was more of a researcher rather than a fighter, stifling her interest in him even further. However, there was one aspect that she was rather curious about.

'Why the hell does he wear his sword sheath between his legs?'

[Probably compensating for something.]

[Gah~ small penis, gahahaha.]

'Now, now, Chaos, you need to be more supple with stuff like this, or people will accuse you of only making easy dick jokes.'

[Oh? Wise words, unfortunately, they were spoken by you, resulting in them reeking of hypocrisies.]

'What!? My dick jokes are always supple.'

[You literally erected a giant ice penis inside the city, how is that supple!?]

'Hehe, errect.'

[Errect, Gahahaha~]

[*Sigh* I know it's a lost battle, but I'll never stop fighting.]

Meanwhile, Ishida's Spiritual Power has formed into a single wing of highly concentrated Spiritual Power, which quickly transformed into a shining energy arrow that Ishida nocked into his bow and shot at Mayuri.

Although Mayuri was surprised by the power behind the shot, he still managed to lean his body back in time to dodge the attack.

Unfortunately for him, Ishida had anticipated that he would dodge and had already moved above Mayuri, another arrow ready to be shot.

A loud explosion occurred as Ishida's arrow pierced through Mayuri's shoulder and contacted the ground underneath him, resulting in Mayuri getting further wounded by the shockwave.

Seeing that Mayuri was heavily wounded, Ishida prepared another arrow and nocked it into his bow.

"Apologize for what you have done, and I'll forgive you. If you don't, my next attack will be three times stronger."

Hearing that Ishida was willing to forgive his opponent, Yuna could only shake her head.

'Pride of the Quincy, huh? Doesn't seem to be worth much.'

[Why in the world does he suddenly back down?]

'Well, it turns out killing a fellow person is not easy.'

[Seriously? He's wussing out just like that.]

'Mah, it's not a choice I would ever make, but I can respect choosing humanity over revenge.'

[You can?]

'Oh, don't get me wrong; I think it's a stupid choice, but I can at least understand why a youngster that had mostly been living peacefully would hesitate to kill someone.'

Although Ishida offered to let him go, how could Mayuri possibly accept such a humiliation? Rather than bowing down and apologizing, he would fight to the death.

"DON'T GET COCKY, BRAT!!! BANKAI!!!"

While Ishida wasn't sure what Bankai meant, Mayuri's sword started bloating and, after a few seconds, turned into a giant creature that looked like a centipede with a comically large human baby head that had a halo hovering above it.

'That is some bizarre ass creature.'

[Reminds me of that puppet thing you fought while we were forcefully transported into the past.]

'Ohh, you are right! Well, this thing seems to be organic, making it even more bizarre. However, I have to say the smell of its poison is pretty decent.'

[So that habit finally surfaced again, huh?]

'Well, what can I say? There simply were no good poisons around in the human world, and I'm too lazy to look for the proper herbs as well. It's not like I can order poisonous plants over the internet.'

Meanwhile, Ishida was baffled by the weird creature that suddenly appeared in front of him, but that didn't mean he would back down. While Mayuri's Bankai was charging him, Ishida concentrated most of his Spiritual Power into his arrow, making it glow intensely.

The arrow was shot and hit the huge creature, easily piercing through like it was made of tofu and splitting it in half before hitting Mayuri's side, resulting in a massive hole getting pierced into his body.

Seeing the bloody form of Mayuri, Yuna could only shake her head. Considering over half his body was missing, there were little doubts that he would die soon as long as he didn't have any more tricks up his sleeve. Unfortunately, he did.

"I WON'T ACCEPT THIS!!! AREN'T YOU JUST A SHITTY QUINCY!?"

As soon as he finished yelling, he raised his sword and pierced it into his own neck, dumfounding the spectators. However, instead of dying, his body started melting away, shocking Ishida. He wanted to shoot another arrow, but he knew that that was impossible. He was fully out of steam, and the side effects of using his special form were kicking in as well.

Despite being completely liquid, Mayuri continued speaking.

"This isn't over yet, Quincy. I might not be able to attack in this form, but neither can I be attacked. I will retreat for now and heal my wounds. It might not have gone as I wanted, but the result of this battle is still the same. I'll fully recover, and you will die of my poison."

Mayuri's liquid form was just about to slip away through a crack in the wall when ice suddenly started growing out of the ground, collecting Mayuri's liquid form and sealing it in a transparent ice ball.

"Well, well, well, will you look at this? Captain in a jar~"

Moments later, Yuna appeared next to the sealed Mayuri and picked him up with a cocky grin on her face.

"UNHAND ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!!"

"Yo, it's been a while, Ishida."

Obviously, she completely ignored the screaming Mayuri and put her attention on Ishida instead, who by now was kneeling on the ground with a dumbfounded expression.

"Y-Yuna?"

"The one and only."

Before Ishida could say anything else, he coughed up some blood before collapsing on the ground, causing Yuna to shake her head with a wry smile on her face.

"Guess before we can chat any further, I should heal you from that poison."

"HEAL HIM!? AS IF A IMBECILE LIKE YOU COULD HEAL THE POISON I CREATED!!!"

"Geez, stop yelling, will you? Aren't you just a bottled-up Captain? What are you getting so cocky for? You better be quiet, or I turn this iceball into a dildo and shove it into the hairiest ass I can find."

That immediately made Mayuri quiet down; however, now that his rage was stifled a little, his thoughts became clearer, and he realized something else.

'Wait a moment. Die she just say ice?'

As those thoughts passed his head, he took a better look at Yuna's face and immediately realized what was going on.

"YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE THAT DAMN STATUE!!! IT'S YOU, ISN'T IT!? YOU MADE THAT THINK!!!"

"Oh my~ So you have my statue. That was a present for Soi Fon, so please give it back to her when you have the chance."

"AS IF SHE WOULD TAKE BACK THAT ABOMINATION!!!"

Frankly, Yuna's statue was haunting him in his dreams. He hated it when he didn't understand something. However, the statue made it even worse, as it seems to actively mock and prank him. Hell, just this morning, he woke up with a huge ice penis menacingly hovering over his head.

Frankly, he was rather close to just dumping that thing in a random clan compound before fleeing the scene. The only thing that prevented him from doing so was his pride as a researcher. The statue was a mystery, and he wanted to solve that mystery.

While Mayuri was lamenting his fate, Yuna walked to a person who hadn't said anything yet and was just silently observing what was going on. It was a mature woman with black hair and green eyes: Nemu Kurotsuchi, Mayuri's Lieutenant.

She looked at the approaching Yuna with emotionless eyes. However, Yuna could easily tell that she was worried about her Captain.

"Well, let's trade. Captain Ice Ball here for the poison's antidote."

"Nemu, don't give her the antido..."

Before Mayuri could finish speaking, the ball he was trapped in changed form and turned into an ice penis, instantly shutting him up.

"Well, Captain Penis, for the antidote, what will you do?"

"I accept."

"Good, the ice will melt in about an hour. Do you want to keep him in that form, or should I transform his container back into a ball?"

Although Nemu flushed a little when she heard Yuna's question, in the end, she requested to turn the ice back into a ball, and A few seconds later, Yuna had the antidote in hand and casually tossed it toward Ishida.

"Whoa, careful there!"

Although he managed to safely catch it, considering it was a liquid stored inside a glass container, tossing it like that immediately made Ishida antsy, causing Yuna to dismissively shrug her shoulders.

"Anyway, now that you won't be dying any time soon, let's get you to a safe location, shall we?"

"What? No! We need to save Rukia!"

Hearing Ishida's words, Yuna could only shake her head with disapproval.

"And what would you do when we get there and meet an enemy? Your Spiritual Power is currently fading away, and you soon won't be able to use it anymore. Can you even defeat a random grunt like that?"

"H-How do you know about that?"

"I just do, and now stop goofing around and follow me."

What else could Ishida do but follow Yuna in this kind of situation? So, a few minutes later, in which they didn't meet a single enemy, surprising Ishida, they reached a familiar wall that quickly opened up, allowing Yuna and Ishida access.

"Where did this secret tunnel come from?"

"Apparently, Yoruichi and Kisuke built this place in the past, and I managed to find it by referencing how the underground passage in Kisuke's house felt."

Although Ishida couldn't help but be fascinated, he decided not to comment any further while looking forward to what would greet him at the end of the stairways, and moments later, he was greeted by a peaceful winter wonderland.

Shortly after, Ishida looked dumbfounded at the ice house Yuna had previously created but entered behind her, nonetheless causing him to be on guard due to hearing multiple voices from inside the house.

"Haha, sorry, Hinata: draw four."

"Nope, I've another draw two. Too bad, Retsu~"

"I'm afraid I have another one as well. Seems like the black cat continues to be the unlucky one."

"Shit, could you please stop with the black cat jokes?"

Ishida almost tripped when he felt the jolly atmosphere from inside the house. Weren't they here to free Rukia? Why was everyone so laid back? Besides that, there were three voices he didn't recognize. Where did these three people come from?

A moment later, Ishida entered the room where the voices were coming from behind Yuna and yet again almost tripped due to being greeted with the view of one person wearing a Captain's badge and another wearing a Lieutenant's badge.

'Why the hell is a Captain here!? Has Yuna teamed up with her? No, maybe she is one of Yoruichi's old acquaintances. Yes, that's possible.'

"Oh well, for those that don't know him, this is Ishida. Ishida, these two are Lieutenant Matsumoto and Captain Retsu."

Although Ishida was still a little dumbfounded due to two supposed enemies being here, he still greeted the duo politely before his gaze landed on the third unknown person.

"Err, why haven't you introduced this person as well, Yuna?"

Before Yuna could answer him, the person in question started speaking up.

"What? We haven't seen each other for a few hours, and you have already forgotten me? It's me, Yoruichi."

"Haaa!? Yoruichi? I only know one person called like that, and he is a cat."

"Yup, that's me~"

Ishida felt like he was hit by lightning when the realization hit that that unusual black cat that he had to spend some time with was actually a beautiful woman. Initially, he was sure that Yuna was pranking him, but after remembering the conversation this little group had before he entered the room, he realized that Yoruichi's words might actually be true.

"I-I see. Might I also ask why two people from Seireitei are here? Are they Yoruichi's acquaintances?"

"Mhh? Retsu and Rangiku? No, they aren't Yoruichi's acquaintances. I just met these two around a week ago, and since then, they have joined my harem."

Ishida took a while to digest Yuna's words, and a few seconds later, he nodded in understanding.

"Sorry, not sure what's going on, but something about my hearing was weird for a second. Could you repeat what you just said?"

"They joined my harem~"

Yet again, Ishida took a long time to digest Yuna's words, but after finding no other reasonable meaning, he sent a pleading gaze towards Rangiku, who only nodded her head, causing him to feel a bit of despair.

'The f*ck? So Yuna just busted in here, pranked everyone that could be pranked, and while doing so, she even seduced not one but two high-ranking people from the enemy's forces. Again, what the f*ck!? Did other people even need to come here to save Rukia? Wait a moment; she still remembers that we are here to save Rukia, right? RIGHT!?'

He felt like he would be really stupid even asking that kind of question, but considering the cozy atmosphere in the room, he just had to ask.

"Yuna, you still remember why we are here in Seireitei, right?"

Hearing Ishida's question, Yuna looked at him like an idiot before scoffing in disdain.

"Obviously, I know that. It's to have fu..."

[Rukia.]

"*cough*... it's obviously to save Rukia."

'Nice assist.'

[Shouldn't you remember her? Isn't she female?]

'Mah, I can't help it. Messing with these people here is simply too much fun~'

Obviously, Ishida noticed that Yuna had a slip of the tongue just now, but after taking his sanity into account, he decided to just pretend that Yuna was messing with him by pretending that she had momentarily forgotten their goal.

Before he could comment any further, Yuna's gaze landed on Retsu as she started speaking.

"Retsu, could you take a look at Ishida, please? Not exactly sure what is going on or if it can be stopped, but he is rapidly losing his Spiritual Power due to him using a sacrificial technique."

Hearing Yuna's request, Retsu simply nodded her head in agreement before her gaze fixed itself on Ishida.

"From the way you dress, I assume you are a Quincy. I'll put this bluntly; I took part in the Quincy massacre all those years ago. I don't mind trying to help you, but I think you should know about that before I do anything else."

Although Ishida was briefly stunned due to Retsu's words, in the end, he simply shrugged his shoulders. Frankly, he didn't believe that anyone could improve his condition anyway, but since someone wanted to try, he might as well allow them to. As for the Quincy massacre, he couldn't care less. That was hundreds of years ago and had nothing to do with him.

"I don't care about that. That event happened a long time ago and has nothing to do with me."

As soon as Ishida finished speaking, Retsu nodded in approval and got up from her seat.

"Very well, please follow me. Although we don't have a real treatment room, I'll make it work somehow."

Meanwhile, a little later, not too far away from the hidden underground cave, Shunsui Kyoraku was yet again relaxing with a nice drink while snow was gently falling from the sky.

However, the quiet atmosphere was quickly dispersed when Nanao Ise, Shunsui's Lieutenant, entered the courtyard.

"Captain, I have a new report."

"Ohh~ Nono-chan, come sit down and have a drink~"

"The number of cake incidents inside Seireitei was halved today."

*Shatter*

The moment Shunsui heard Nanao's report, the cup he was holding fell to the ground while he stared at Nanao in utter confusion.

"S-Seriously? W-Will we finally be freed from this curse?"

However, as if she wanted to crush the little hope that just sparked within Shunsui, Nanao continued her report.

"Unfortunately, the incidents of people getting pranked stayed more or less the same, but this time, half of the victims were hit by pie instead of cake."

"Haa? Pie? Where does that come from?"

"We are not sure, but we can only assume that the new wave of invaders is responsible for this."

"D-Do they have specific territories?"

"Yes, that seemed to be the case."

"Are they... fighting over territories?"

Hearing Shunsui's question, Nanao paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. Frankly, she wasn't entirely certain about that either.

"We are... not sure. We don't know whether the territories were conceded voluntarily or if some kind of fight took place. All I can say is that the west of Seireitei seemed to be covered by the cake faction, while the east was covered by the pie faction."

Shunsui digested Nanao's words for a short moment before a serious expression appeared on his face.

"Nanao, is it just me, or has the Gotei 13 kind of taken the back seats in regards to managing Seireitei? Are we still in control of Seireitei?"

Hearing her Captain's question, Nanao opened her mouth to answer, but no sounds came out. Frankly, she had no idea how she was supposed to answer that question. Obviously, the Gotei 13 still reigned over Seireitei, but as more and more days pass, that feeling gets weaker and weaker, bothering her greatly.

"I... I don't know."

After hearing Nanao's answer, Shunsui sighed deeply while picking up the cup he had previously dropped and refilling it with alcohol.

"Oh well, let's solve this the way I have been solving problems for the last week: Getting too drunk to care about them."

Seeing her Captain drinking a huge gulp of alcohol, Nanao could only shake her head while considering doing the same. It seemed like things were only getting more hectic rather than calming down.

'*Sigh* Guess I'll get myself a drink as well.'