LONDON IS SAD

It is said that sleep is the worst of all the thieves because, it steals away half of man's life. But it appeared to me as if even this thief of mine was annoyed with me. Perhaps, at some late hour in the night, Kamran looked into the lounge, found me lying in the easy chair with closed eyes near the fireplace and put a blanket on me. The whole night was spent in the same condition while I remained lost into the shadowy memories of the past. The darkness of the night was finally replaced by the light of the morning. After the continuous snowfall of the night, the sky had become clear. During the breakfast, Kamran offered that he would drop me at the Kingston University, on his way to the restaurant. But I told him that at about eleven or eleven thirty, I would myself leave home for the university. Kamran went to his restaurant because, he had to reach there quite early in order to start the day's business. I, however, was in no mood of going out so early in the morning. Moreover, London was by no means a new or unknown city for me. I felt a strange type of familiarity and intimacy with this city. One of its reasons might be the resemblance of its weather with that of my native city Quetta. Another point of similarity between the two cities is the style of their old buildings. The old city of London has several old buildings which were constructed before the partition of India. Some of them have a striking resemblance with the buildings which had been built in Quetta before the earthquake of 1935. Perhaps, it is mainly due to the fact that before the partition of India, Quetta was a major cantonment of the British Empire, and while constructing the city, the English architects and builders might have in their minds the city of London, especially with reference to the direction of bricks, the outer structure of the buildings and its long vast roads. This phenomenon was not merely confined to my native city of Quetta. While observing the style of buildings in all the cities, especially those in the colder regions, which remained under British occupation, we notice the same type of tradition in their construction. The same red tin roofs, the same typical balconies and grates and the same type of fireplaces and the cornices built over them. In the same way, we find in them, the same type of large wooden doors with large boards carved on them in the form of the English digit 7. Furthermore, in most such buildings, we find the same high roofs having large ventilators in them along which ropes were hung for opening and closing them. For this very reason, even today, while walking through the streets of old London, you will feel as if you are passing through some cantonment area of the pre-partition Sub-Continent. By the time I left the house, the sun had started shining brightly. The snow removing machines had removed all the snow from the roads and put it on the edges. The sun that comes out after the snowfall always shines very brightly. Same was the case with that morning. It appeared as if the invisible hand of Nature had whitewashed all the nearby things. The road built with the paved bricks of a peculiar colour appeared to be shining. A particular kind of brightness could be observed on the faces of the people. Strange indeed are the various ways in which the weather affects the people. At times, without any reason, it makes the man happy or sad all of a sudden. But for me, every type of weather seemed to be full of sadness and London too, appeared dull and sad to me. I was surrounded by an ominous sadness, in spite of the bright sunshine and the cheerful faces of the people all around me. After coming out of the flat, I began walking towards the subway of the third street. The brightness of the sun had compelled me to wear dark black sunglasses. I wish man could invent such dark coloured spectacles as could protect our eyes from the blazing and blinding glares of pains and sorrows. At the end of the street, there was a Spanish girl playing some tune on her guitar. In front of her there lay a large black case of the same guitar. Those who were passing by, stopped there for a while, listened to the melodious tune, put some coins into the case and resumed their onward journey. What an honourable way of begging it was. Some people beg in such a way that people give them something thinking it to be their due right. But there are some others who demand their due rights in such a way that those who give them, believe that they are giving something in charity to a beggar. The girl looked towards me with a smile and greeted me with the bowing of her head. At that time, she was playing on her guitar the tune of a popular Spanish romantic song which meant "O my beloved, eversince your departure, every scene is dull, dreary and drab, and every city seems deserted." In astonishment I looked towards that girl and wondered how she had come to know about the feelings of my heart. Perhaps, all those who pass through the experience of failing in their love, have the same type of impressions on their faces which can be read by the keen observers. I plunged my hand into the pocket, brought out as many coins as I could hold and put them into the girl's guitar box and walked forward. There was not so much rush in the subway. The underground railway station was shining with different lights and only a small number of people were standing there, waiting for the train. The absence of rush on the railway station was due to the fact that it was eleven thirty at that time and it was not a rush hour. At its fixed time, the train entered the subway, with its peculiar roar. As its automatic doors opened, I and the rest of the passengers boarded the train. Sometimes, I think that man has really made wonderful inventions for the convenience of man. Perhaps, 99 per cent of our life is indebted to or dependent on such useful inventions ranging from a tiny needle to a huge aeroplane. All these things which we use so frequently in our daily life have been made for us by someone else. By spending only a few coins, we can benefit from the peace and comfort of all these inventions. Perhaps, this IS why, the getting of coins has become so difficult. However, the getting of this peace is not just conditional to the coins. Peace of the heart is a rare feeling of this universe, which can be realized only by those who themselves have lost the peace of their heart. How foolish we the human beings are. As long as we are in control of the peace of our heart, we wander through the streets to lose it. Every eye has got only one aim, objective and destination, that is, some sweetheart or beloved. But when the same beloved or sweetheart snatches away our peace of heart. We keep on remembering him and calling upon him all the time. While I was still completely engrossed in all such jumbled thoughts, without my being aware of it, the tube train entered my desired subway station and stopped. Quite fortunately, during the last few moments, I was able to see the brilliantly shining neon sign on which the sparkling sign of the digit 17 Downing Street could be seen. I suddenly sprang back into my senses and rushed out of the train and came down before the shutting of its doors again. I climbed up the stairs and reached the upper road from where I was supposed to take one of the famous number 9 red Double Decker buses of London, which would take me to the university gate. London was exactly the same as I had left it two years ago. In front of the bus stop, the same old banyan tree was still standing majestically and smiling as if to welcome me again. The English people are very much careful about such things. A few years ago, only to save this old banyan tree, they changed London's Master Plan and altered the direction of the road which passed through this way. The reason was that if the road had been built in accordance with the original London Master Plan, this tree would surely have to be cut down. The English are a deeply conservative and traditionalist nation and are not ready to give up their old memories and traditions so easily. Instead, they even put their lives in danger to preserve their past heritage. This is one of the reasons which enabled them to rule over the world for so many years. It is absolutely true that nations do not become great overnight. For achieving this greatness, they have to cover a journey of centuries full of tough training and practical experiences. Within a few moments, my required red double Decker bus slowly arrived at the bus stop and halted. I boarded the bus which began its journey towards the university. On the way to the university, there lay my old friend, confidant and benefactor River Thames. Several evenings of my adolescence and numerous nights of my youth were spent on the beautiful wooden benches along the bank of this river. As the memories of all those pleasant moments crowded back into my mind, the whole thing seemed to be a dream. I could still vividly remember the picnics with my friends, the countless flirtations and immature love affairs. It appeared to me that on seeing me back in London, River Thames had been immensely pleased, and its water seemed to be flowing ecstatically. The bus was traveling on the wide road built along the river while the river was running along with us, exactly like those poor little children who like to run along a brilliant new car or any other huge vehicle that enters their old street. Trees, buildings, Weathers Rivers and other such things around us get the opportunity of observing us in different forms and conditions. They see us while we are smiling or weeping, enjoying or suffering. In fact no aspect of our life is hidden from the eyes of our surrounding environment. Perhaps, due to this very reason we have the feeling that these things also become happy and sad along with us. Perhaps, every outside weather is linked to our inside weather. The bus stopped at the gate of the university and I entered the university through its huge iron fenced gate and began to walk on the red road made with bricks. This building consisted of large grassy plots which were irrigated by a small branch of river Thames. Big tall trees could be seen all around, as far as one could see. On account of the overnight snow, these trees seemed to be clad in white dresses, just like some old saints. There was a slab like layer of transparent snow on the surface of the water. Beneath it, the flowing river water was clearly visible. The central building of the university was built with white marble. In this snowy atmosphere, its long high pillars and the rest of the building also seemed to be made of snow. I got the forms from the admin department and filled them up. I was told that my classes were to start after two days. I came to know that the head of the department was a Jew Mr. Isaac who was also the vice chancellor of the university. I wanted to meet him but I was told that after the eleven o clock class, he had gone to attend an educational conference in the city where he had been invited as the chief guest. There was no justification for my further stay at the university. I, therefore, took the return bus from the same way and reached the subway. It was two-thirty at noon, and according to the office schedule it was the lunch hour for the office workers. As a result, there was a greater rush in the subway, as compared to the morning. I was not feeling so hungry at that time. Even then, I went to a nearby restaurant to have my lunch consisting of coffee and sandwiches. Nature has made elaborate arrangements to make man realize his insignificance and worthlessness on several occasions in his life. One such occasion is hunger which makes everyone so helpless and miserable. Even the most powerful among men are utterly helpless against it. Even the dearest of our relationships cannot remove the feeling of hunger. Almost daily in our life, we see our near and dear ones dying and leaving us forever. On such occasions, we ourselves feel almost half dead and our feelings of hunger and thirst also vanish. For the time being we wish to be buried in the grave along with the dead person and we have the feeling that even if we remain alive, we shall never be able to lead a normal life. At this moment, every feeling of the heart seems to have turned into dust. However, only after a short period of one or two days, our stomach resumes its normal functioning to make us realize our utter insignificance and our helplessness in the face of hunger and thirst. When the pangs of hunger begin to tease us, we start hating ourselves and feeling ashamed of ourselves, because, only a short while ago, we were making tall claims of becoming dust with dust and of our desire to renounce the whole world and whatever belongs to it. But then we realize that no other creature is more helpless than man. However, on such occasions, we are able to benefit from the self-made rules of other people like us and thus, some of our honour and self-respect remains intact. Someone states that no food would be cooked for three days in the house of the bereaved family. Someone else promises to provide meals to the members of the bereaved family on the first day. Some others promise to do the same on the second and third days, because, they are fully aware of the fact that one day or the other, the same mournful tragedy might take place in their house and on such occasion, all these people would be present there to solace and comfort them in this hour of agony and would thus, assist them in preserving some of their honour and self-respect. Someone has rightly said that man is a social animal. By the time I reached home, it was evening and the sun was setting. The naughty little children who had made a snowman during the previous evening had once again gathered in the street to collect the remnants of the snowman. Like some cruel beloved, the sunshine of the winter evenings also turns away its face all of a sudden. The amount of coldness was increasing in the air and people had turned up the collars of their overcoats to protect themselves from the biting cold. Steam could be seen coming out of their lips while they were breathing and talking. The Spanish girl had put her guitar into the box and was now ready for departure. As I saw her, a glitter of familiarity was seen in her eyes. A faint smile appeared on her lips. I greeted her with the bowing of my head and continued my onward journey. Kamran returned home quite early in the evening and we decided to have our dinner at a roadside restaurant in the other block. The restaurant was small but peaceful. While we were having the sips of soup, sitting around a table in one corner of the restaurant, Kamran had a close and careful observation of the girls and women sitting around us in the restaurant and gave his final judgment about them. "Men marry women hoping that they would always remain the same as they are at the time of marriage. Women on the other hand marry men in the hope that they would change after marriage. But alas! Both of them have to be disappointed afterwards," he concluded. I looked attentively towards him and remarked, "Perhaps, that's why you haven't got married yet." "don't worry about me," said Kamran with a smile and added ,"tell me how was your day spent at the university?" I picked up a napkin from the table, dried my lips and said, "There was nothing special. I only managed to fill up my farms, but could not meet the head of the department, because he was not present at the University." "I think you are talking about Mr. Isaac," said Kamran and continued, "Nowadays, he is often mentioned in the press. I wonder how a diehard Jew like him allowed the admission of a Pakistani Muslim in his university. Beware of him." "Why, is he a cannibal who would eat me up?" I asked with a laugh. Kamran was quite serious. "Perhaps, you are not yet aware of the true nature of these Jews. They can never be the real well-wishers of the Muslims. This fact can be best realized and understood by the Muslims like us who are living abroad and who have to face the hatred and competition from the Jews, at every step in all our business affairs. As a matter of fact, at the moment, Jews are completely dominating us in business." "But have you or other business communities ever contemplated on the reasons and factors which have contributed to the great success of Jews in the financial world?" I asked. Kamran took a long deep breath and said, "The matter is quite clear. A Jew never speaks harshly, bitterly or angrily; and you know very well that courtesy and politeness are the basic principles of success in business. Even in the most difficult circumstances, a Jewish businessman always retains his typical smile on his lips. Another important secret of their success is that every Jewish businessman and trader always takes care of the interests of other members of his community. Suppose two Jewish traders are deadly opposed to each other. But even in these circumstances, if a customer comes to the first Jew and demands something which he (The first Jew) does not have, he (the first Jew) does not feel the least hesitation in taking the customer to the second Jew although he is his bitter enemy. He readily takes the customer to his enemy and tells him (the customer) that he can get his required thing from him. One Jew can never introduce a client to a non-Jew. This is the main secret of the rapid growth of Jewish trade in the world." To a certain extent, I agreed to the views expressed by Kamran but in my opinion, he had not yet mentioned the most important quality of Jews. "You have forgotten to mention their most important quality, that is, their honesty. It is true that our traders are not so polite and cool-minded. It is also true that we are always busy pulling one another's legs. We staunchly adhere to the principle that we may get some benefit or not in a deal, but we must spare no effort in harming others. Dishonesty is the main cause of our lagging behind in trade. Jews are not dishonest in their business and trade and I believe that this is the most important secret of their marvelous success in this field." After having our dinner, both of us started walking towards our apartment. The festival of Christmas was drawing near and quite naturally, the rush of shoppers in the market was also increasing. Christmas trees with their peculiar flickering lights could be seen at numerous places. Quite indifferent to the severe cold weather, people clad in warm clothes, were buying the things of their choice from the sparkling shops around them. Perhaps, all festivals of the world are of the same type. All festivals are related to the joy of the heart and all festivals are most eagerly awaited by the children. Perhaps, due to this very reason, children formed the bulk of the crowd of people in the markets at that time of the night. I can still remember that while we were children, it was hard for us to sleep during several nights before the moon night and the Eid night and we could not sleep even for a single moment during the Eid night. We used to spend the whole moon night imagining and anticipating the joy of receiving Eid Money from our elders. The joy of spending that money was much more than that. But the whole Eid day used to slip out of our hands as sand slips out of a closed fist. Perhaps, the shortness of the festivals is a major cause of their success and preciousness for those who anticipate and celebrate them so cherishingly. Joy was writ large on the faces of all the people who were walking around. Faces are no doubt, wonderful mirrors and index of the mind. As soon as we arrived back home, Kamran went to bed because he had to leave for his restaurant quite early the next morning. That day, he had not spoken even a single word on the topic of Iman. He had been my close intimate friend since childhood and knew very well that I myself would reveal everything to him, as soon as I could fully recover. He knew that it would be useless to ask me anything before that time. Before switching off the light, I made an unsuccessful attempt to read some of the magazines placed on the side table of my bed. At last, I switched off the light. But as soon as I did so it appeared as if the lights of my mind were turned on and I once again found myself completely overwhelmed with old memories. Memories may be bitter or pleasant, but in both the cases they are surely a big torment.