Start of a different routine, Part 2

Since we were both finishing our early workout, there was then some discussion about bathing, and I decided to split it in turns that day. The previously mentioned conflicting feelings aside, something about having a bath with just the two of us sounded like an even easier way of drawing in memories I had been avoiding. Besides, there was a somewhat pragmatic reasoning to split turns as of that point. 

Namely, I offered to use her period of bathing to prepare us something to drink, as a way of advancing part of the group's breakfast. When it came to my turn and potentially some of the others, Nalfimiria would then arrange part of our meal, likely something that would come out quicker than if she had to balance that with the stuff I would be helping with. Her bath didn't even last 10 minutes though, so mostly I only had the time to brew us some tea, as well as separate the ingredients that would go into the beverage she had suggested. 

Elven hair was way easier to handle, based on experience, and they didn't need to shave any body hair either. Combined with the fact they didn't sweat as much or that their skin wasn't damaged as easily, this spared them some of our expected efforts, despite the similarities in appearance between our species. Thus Nalfimiria showed up in her casual wear then, having changed from her work out and the armor, of course. I would be really surprised if she came back while still wearing it to be blunt. Instead, she put on a plain pair of shorts and a shirt, both of which had a brighter tone of pink than her skin. Based on what I had seen of her home like clothing and also those for workouts, many of them followed a similar pattern. 

It also looked like her hair had dried for the most part, despite it being way longer than mine. When looking at her as she entered the kitchen, I also spotted something shiny stretching through a part of her thighs, seeing as they were mostly visible with her choice of shorts. It was a small line, one that glittered in various colors occasionally, and other than a small bifurcation on part of it, it mostly followed a straight line. The coloring for it was vibrant, regardless of how the tones changed, though not as many of them were present as there could be as of that point. Based on what I knew about the subject, I presumed that line probably had about two thirds of it showing, meaning that thing probably just slightly fell short of reaching Nalfimiria's crotch region. 

"One of her power lines is within her thighs then? I heard elves consider it sensual to have them near those regions, so another lucky point for her I guess. If I study their colors closely I might be able to call out some of her BS as well, but I can think about that later. Hers seem to shine more intensely than the norm, though it is hard to judge." Elven power lines were usually in parts of their bodies that are typically hidden beneath clothing. As a result, I only saw the ones in my other elven friends during a bath or sex. So something about seeing that thing poking out felt a little alluring. Elven girls were pretty sensitive around their region as well, so you get an extra dimension to that when it comes to their women. 

"Would be fun if that little line reached the corners of her ginny, though. Getting a reaction out of fingering or liking it would be way easier. There is always something fun about reaching the peak quickly when dealing with women more experienced. I can leave those theories for some time later, either way." While that did raise my curiosity more, I still felt it might be best to avoid it for now. I didn't think the memories she of all people could raise would be the best for my mind at that moment. 

As different as the three of them could be, she still was of similar age and of the same species and two women I cared about, who I still felt I might have been disappointing. And I never particularly liked the idea of going through any sort of headache just for the sake of fucking. While I thought about these things, she sat down at the kitchen's table, to which I followed her, bringing us the kettle and conjured cups as well, not to mention the bowl in which I had placed the ingredients she asked for. We served our tea, and took some sips of it while she checked the things I had taken, all the while splitting them based on the portions each unit member would need. 

—Since you got here first, do you know if anyone is still in bed? — I decided to ask her. I left to begin training while dawn was still starting, and though I knew both of the girls were up I decided checking in the other room might have gotten in the way of the boy's sleep. 

—Everyone is up already. Having someone with different sleeping habits could be a bother for us, but we avoided that much. — She said with a smile, one I had been getting used to seeing. As it was a frequent part of her expression, it clearly wasn't a genuine reaction, but something she used as communication. As for the message I got from it, it just felt like it was her way of showing interest in the world around her. Be it while joking, teasing us or talking about her many fields of interest, that smile felt like her way of welcoming and playing along with most situations that weren't strictly serious. Maybe it could be seen as her chosen means to declare her fascination to our world, in a way, regardless of what particular part of it we were discussing at any given point. 

—I see. No one is here though? 

—Just us. Sowanar is exploring the place during a run, Senshin is training somewhere else, possibly to avoid me, and Chiaisei is doing the same. She left with Finarkzir some time from now. — She seemed to be in a good mood as she spoke. 

—Alright. We haven't had much time to be on our own as of yet, right? — I said, as we started engaging in a bit of back and forth. 

—Indeed. Since meeting yesterday, most of our time was spent as a group. That little chat before heading to bed was the only time the two of us truly spent alone, right? 

—Yep. I hope we can continue to get chances like this, then. It will make it easier for everyone to get friendly with each other. 

—That would be good. I think our other social unit members would gain a lot from new friendships at this point. 

—Yeah. Never hurts to have friends close by. Though maybe by this point it doesn't feel like the introductions are done for you? — It was a common saying elves - specialty Althnalmirians - tended to finish most introductions through fucking, depending on their age. Nalfimiria was still at that age, so I didn't think she had many acquaintances she had known for over a week before having sex before. Hence I figured some of the current evasive behavior might seem strange to her. 

—Not really, as you say. But here's the funny thing about the elven experience. As much as sexual preferences are as frequent a topic in introductions as our places of origin, the twenty years living like that made me patient. Maybe if I was younger, complying with each of your limits would have tested me more, yet as of now it is hardly an issue. Experience brings with it discipline. So as crazy as I might still sound at times it is still true that I've been mellowing out over these years, as slowly as it goes for us. You're the ones needing some impatience as of now. 

—I guess. Our time is far more limited, so our learning has to happen quicker if we want to live well. 

—Indeed. Personally, it seems to me like you all are currently dancing around issues that would be much simpler to resolve if spoken about directly. The strange state of your sex life being the least peculiar of them, if I were to say so. — I paid attention to the expression she chose. She likely already knew quite a lot about my situation, so while trying to think if the words matched my situation, I wondered if or how the same might apply to some of the others. 

—Maybe. But issues though, huh? Sounds like you noticed some stuff about each of us pretty quick to be talking about how we're dealing with them. For curiosity, what do you know about my situation, by this point? — I decided it might be best to ask that directly by that point. Trying to guess at how much she knew based on her vague suggestions would get tiring pretty quickly. 

—I know that you've been with the same group for almost two years. I know some things about each of your unit members as well. I know that though in a friendly way, that group was always somewhat explosive, due to the various eccentrics gathered on it. I also know that explosive tendencies started growing less stable for the past five months or so, and that this led to a general deterioration on the group's well being. Based on the descriptions I received, it seemed like you in particular was experiencing a high degree of stress resulting from guilt over your inability to help your friends. Symptoms described include panic and anxiety attacks, night terrors, lack of sleep and increase in self depreciative behavior as well as uncharacteristic low self image. Your behavior in battle also became more erratic and violent in response, causing a slight increase in your rate of lethality and a major one in the amount of grievous wounds you would cause in battle. This eventually caused both the guild and your unit members to try to bring up the issue, and led to you choosing a field work break as a manner of recovering, and hopefully also a means to assist the situation for the unit as a whole. The behavior also suggests you interpreted all of the problems arising from the group as your extended fault, indicating a tendency to take up other people's faults as your own. Not to mention tendencies for self sacrifice, judging by how the situation turned in the end. — The summary felt a little too painful to hear. In great parts due to how spot on she could be, but not helped by hearing the situation described so professionally. 

—You pretty much know everything, then. Was that all from the sisterhood or did the guild also tell you some of it? 

—Some of it came from the association. So long as we're sharing a unit and a home, I'm considered responsible for all of you, so some information has been passed along. As much as you're all legally adults, this doesn't mean you're wise, and part of my job is to compensate for it a little. 

—Since that's part of your job, can you answer a question of mine? About the thing you've mentioned of responsibility for the situation. How much of it do you really think was my fault? — I tried asking seriously, while occasionally glancing at the tea in my hands. I imagined this made it less likely she would deflect the question completely. 

—If a poorly written message is misinterpreted by a bad reader, who is at fault? — After hearing her question, I pondered for a moment how it would connect to the issue before answering. 

—...Both of them? 

—Exactly. The best they could do was somehow have the shitty interpreter guess the real point based on the awful hints. 

—Okay… So, which one am I? 

—Both of them. All of you were both of them in that unit, except for maybe some of the magical beasts. Each of them likely only fit one category. 

—Really… You think that even includes Falminoria? — I always figured she of all people likely understood the situation perfectly. So I was kind of surprised she was being included with the mistakes as well, by Nalfimiria's part. 

—Falminoria, as in the leaf elf apothecary in your group, right? I heard some things about her, as one of my kind in this same country. She is pretty notorious in her own ways as well, having created multiple new types of concoction before even reaching adulthood. And I know you think we're all flawless at times, and in the social sense our long lives help with that a lot, in many ways. But you realize the girl in question is the elven equivalent of Senshinzako, right? — After offering me the question, she gave me some time to think while playing with her cup. I had seen some signs of that observation before, but frankly… A different elven friend of mine made Falminoria look a lot better on that front in comparison. The woman herself liked saying with frequency that her communication skills are shit when she isn't being compared to humans, though. 

—Both are recluses who spent their entire lives dedicated to their topics of interest. If the topic was alchemy, chemistry, botany or pharmacy, I doubt many in the world her age could match her. Hell, that girl is already considered a specialist in some of her research fields, and by our standards as well. If she was any more focused, she might have already been running out of things to study, despite barely being 112. But from what I hear, the list of herbs whose name she knows should be about 5 times as large as that of people she considers herself familiar with. Even if she understands the situation well enough, that doesn't mean her advice or intervention will be the most solid. Thus she is probably an ok reader and a mediocre messenger at best. That isn't something to brag about, as an elf. — I understood her point, but well… Even being as she was, Falminoria still acted like a half decent leader most of the time. Elven standards for social skill simply border on magic, based on what I had seen up to that point. 

—I think I get that. Your standards for judging each other are really different from ours. Putting Senshin and Falmin in the same category feels weird, but you probably don't see these things like I do. 

—Of course. Without much difference in age between the two of us, we ultimately judge each other based on the results of our usage of time. Especially when two graced children are the topic. 

—Wait, she is graced?! She never brought that up. Neither did you! — The sudden mention of the term caught me unaware. 

—Well, you didn't ask yesterday, and from the sound of things you never took the time to ask Falminoria either. Blessed and graced¹ children aren't considered anything too noteworthy among us. She likely never cared to bring it up. 

—Is that it… Different priorities, I guess. And hey. You mentioned the others earlier on, with the whole dancing thing… You think you can talk more about them? It doesn't have to be much, if you think anything shouldn't be said yet. 

—Sure. If it'll keep you from worrying, I can talk a bit. Who specifically, though? — Hearing her, I spent some seconds thinking. The answer did feel clear from the start, but I wasn't sure if the girl I had in mind would have wanted me worrying too much over this. 

—Chiaisei, mostly. When it was just the two of us, I wasn't really sure how to address some of the things we would talk about. It's part of the reason why I thought I shouldn't have left her alone to begin with. Say, do you also know some of her situation? — I asked, before trying to explain some of the stuff Chiaisei and I had spoken about before. Mostly the things that concerned her directly, and some things I had observed over that period. Especially the particular moment that had convinced me to spend some more time around her. 

It happened on the same day the introduction period was supposed to end. The two of us were getting some of our baggage ready, as we wouldn't be staying in the same room past that point, while occasionally talking about our previous days together. I had the feeling Chiaisei was sad at that point, so most of that conversation happened while the two of us were avoiding looking at each other directly. Just as I was getting ready to take my things though, she grabbed me. I wasn't sure as to why initially, but I quickly noticed she was crying. And she kept at it for quite some time. I think over 20 minutes of crying went by before she started calming down, and even after she did she still refused to let me go for some time. Not that I would know exactly, as the situation had messed with my perception of time a little bit. Seeing that, I realized she probably didn't want to be left alone at that point. So I offered to stick together for the rest of the period I would be away from my group, just to be with her long enough for her to start growing used to the new people she would meet. It didn't look like she liked the proposition entirely, yet it did seem like delaying the goodbyes helped her recover. 

I didn't know how exactly to process the situation at that point. Chiaisei had mentioned before that she had been lonely for a pretty long time, so I thought this might have been the result of her fear of falling back on those ways. There was also more that kept me worried for her, though it was hard to reach any definitive conclusion on her. That said, even without me explaining the situation fully it looked like Nalfimiria had a pretty easy time understanding it. As I imagined, it looked like she had a lot of context that I didn't. 

—Before anything else, a question. When you first met her, Chiaisei didn't offer you her full name, did she? 

—Hm…? Now that you mention it, she didn't. She didn't even want to show me her documentation on the embassy. — I remembered, as Chiaisei had opted to minimize my role in declaring her arrival in the region as much as possible. "Come to think of it, it took some time from that point until she grew willing enough to even show me her guild ID." 

—You know how to use the Ageless Archives² in the Temples of Reason, right? If you tossed her name on them, you would find results. And not all of them would be resulting from her own research, mind you. The girl in question made the news in her country a few times in the past. The Chiaisei you met just recently is the girl resulting from the situations that sparked those news. If you want to know more, why not look for those papers directly? — Just that little hint already made more sense of some things I already knew. Chiaisei has told me sometimes how much she hates receiving excessive attention. If she was the topic of news at many points of her life, it was easier to understand why, especially if this had been something starting from her early childhood. 

—I don't think she would want that. 

—I don't think she would care if the information came out of my mouth or through this search, so I won't say anymore either. But as I said, the girl you know is entirely the result of this series of incidents. As for why she is so reliant on you currently, it mostly comes down to the fact she feels capable of trusting you, from where I see things. It isn't easy to gain the trust of someone so constantly guarded. She likely knows this, and likes the feeling of trusting someone else for a change. Hence the fear of being left at this point. 

—I see… Do you think she is likely to grow to trust you and the others? — I asked, while trying to process what that might feel like. It was difficult to imagine what having trust issues would feel like, seeing as I probably was pretty far from that point in this particular spectrum. Though on the other hand, even if I couldn't connect with the issue in itself, I could say something from my perspective pretty easily. 

"Having trouble befriending others probably wouldn't have made life any easier. This is probably where the problem starts. Even if I can't understand it well, I can say for sure that a lonely life must be really tough." This was the best I could do to try to embrace that same pain, from the point of view I had of it. 

—Not quickly, or at least not in the truest sense. She trusts me as a sister, but that could simply be interpreted as the result of her knowledge and feelings about the sisterhood as a whole. She also isn't as guarded towards Senshin, though in this case she simply considers him harmless. It would take years for the gap in social skill between them to get small enough for her to consider him a threat in this front. And Sowanar… They may not have spoken as much openly, yet I do think those two have something of an agreement going on. Neither likes addressing their past, both are aware of this, and both know the other has the means to easily surface these secrets. Thus the agreement not to meddle with each other's lives as of now. In this way, the trust between them can be best defined as their way of being openly cautious towards the other, by this point. 

—Really… Maybe I've been misjudging him, or it's just the difference in time, but Sowanar didn't really look like that type to me, so far. 

—Brave smiles and a heroic attitude sometimes hide unhinged characters. In some ways, the two of them are similar in what drives them as well. The main difference being how they respond to it, from what I observed so far. — I was curious what she meant by that fully. The fact she was calling Sowanar disingenuous at least was clear, though I didn't really know how else that might connect them. 

—I can see that… Sort of. Okay, maybe not. Both put up one hell of a face when talking, but there isn't much else I'm noticing. Missing context? 

—Yes. Enough of it to spend hours explaining. For now, let's just say, there are similarities in some of the bad experiences that shaped them. But if Chiaisei is forgiving and well intended despite them, Sowanar is driven by a vengeful fantasy. Spite drives him, and when feeling its weight his happiness becomes secondary to enacting his goal. Whether or not he learns to like this group, most likely the purpose it serves towards his ends will continue to be his main interest in us for a long time still. — She sounded serious, as was the topic. Still, a part of me almost let out a laugh at hearing this. It didn't sound very real, much less like she was talking about a person in my direct surroundings. And even if the guy was clearly not the most genuine around, nothing that quite yelled "spite drives him" had been shown so far. The gap in context with this one was probably beyond massive. 

—Oh, sorry about that. It's just that… Well, I never really thought I would hear people discuss topics like vengeance, or this great goal in the context of the real world. A part of me thought these things only happened in stories or books. — Said I, unaware that a little more than a decade later I would find myself describing my life in one such book. 

—Maybe it is something odd, and nowadays especially so. Many fictional stories are based loosely on real events on our lands, though. The origin of modern fiction came from tales regarding the First Disciples and other ancient heroes, after all. Many of the archetypes for epics, fables and various other kinds of storytelling are also based on those tales. Some connection to reality was needed for those things to take root in the first place. And although stories of heroes do not happen too often in the modern age, they will still show their heads from time to time. As uncommon as they can be, elements associated to these kinds of fictions will also show their heads in the real world occasionally, as a result. So whether the plot will spring its head fully around us or simply show in small bits, I still would argue this kind of situation has grounding on our world. Though of course, both the tragedies and glorious victories of the past tend to be greatly exaggerated when they are turned into reading material. 

—I hope you're right, if this is the making of one. Living through one doesn't sound nice, even if I was far from the main character. Haven't read much of this type of story but it feels like at least two thirds of them seem to star miserable people. If that's the price for renown, I'll happily live a quiet life far away from any of it. — Unfortunately for younger me, it just seems like the books called to me too strongly, seeing as she is currently one of the protagonists of one such book. I remain however in my stance that wishing for this kind of glory in adulthood should label someone as stupid. Be careful with your wishes and all of that crap. 

—Though since we're so far on the topic of the group, can I get some questions on the remaining mystery? Rather, just one question will do. Senshin's problem. Why can't he be acknowledged as a normal apprentice? And why was he sent so far to learn? You've probably already checked on some of these answers, haven't you? 

At first I just started on this topic to get some clues into something I had been worried about, namely Chiaisei's breakdown and other worrisome signs I noticed during our time together. Since the talk had already pushed through everyone but the bird, I might as well try to earn some confirmation on what I was thinking about Senshin. Knowing some of this stuff would make it easier to help in the future, so best to get to it at the soonest. 

—Senshin's situation, huh? It's rather simple, really. Remember the metaphor I used for you and your real unit? About the bad messenger and worst interpreter. Senshin is an absurdly terrible reader, who made an interpretation of the sisterhood bad enough to cause worry. And due to the particular problems about his reading, my path brethren in his homeland decided explaining the intended meaning wouldn't be enough to fix his issue. Instead, they sent him on a journey where they knew he would be exposed to the actual message frequently, until he grew to realize the error of his interpretation. It's not just the failure in reading that is the problem, after all, but his lack of ability to interpret by itself. Think no further than to the impression he seems to have about our wise Kalfisnar as an example. — While continuing her explanation, she took out her emblem, before drawing my focus to the Crest of Iscathnerin, a drawing which reflects both the magical area and its Greater Aspect. 

It is said that the original drawing, the one occupying the back of Kalfisnar, was constantly going through changes or shifting the position of the elements of it, but if I had to summarize to find a word to call it, it would be inconsistent. The other emblems also changed with some frequency, but it was said Iscathnerin's was also the only one who had inconsistency in style within it and frequently shifted it as well. There was no clear theme registered within Kalfisnar's mark, instead mixing elements of all others while at times seemingly satirizing them. A pretty good representation of what people come to expect from Kalfisnar, as four thousand years of history and stories about her weren't enough to remove her global wild card status. 

—Not that I completely blame him in this case, as she is likely the least reliable messenger to have ever graced this planet. His conclusions are quite distant from reality, though. He speaks of her like a disciple describing his wise mentor… A perspective the Yearning Liberties herself has been fighting to disassociate from her and her kind for ages by this point. The last things she wants out of any of us are loyalty and service, yet that is precisely what Senshin is trying to offer her. Since his vows would never stop being rejected until he understood it, his teachers considered it wise offering him the chance to realize this mistake before he got to confront his first heartbreak. — Her explanation did seem to match some of the things I had noticed on my own. 

The Kalfisnar I knew varied a lot, from an unhinged, fearless, cunning, deceitful and unstoppable liberator of the past to the talking statue that would harass me every time I needed to visit her temples. But even on instances where her words made sense and displayed the expected wisdom of a Great Sister, it still felt like she was going out of her way to seem unreliable to her audience, at the very least. From what little I could say with confidence about her, I could tell that Kalfisnar didn't want to be seen as an example, or at least nowhere near as much as the other Greater Aspects. Yet it looked like Senshin tried finding in her the wisdom she herself rejected to embody, despite being just as old and intelligent as the other Greater Ones. That wasn't something I could confirm at that point by myself though the fact Nalfimiria, as a sister, seemed to point out that same detail made me think that observation was far more credible than I thought it was by that point. 

—I can see that. It didn't look like we were talking about the same being whenever he mentioned Kalfisnar. I'll try to learn more about this "reading", in case there is a-. — Before I could finish, I heard the faint noise of something hitting the wall outside the kitchen, and a small shout followed it. 

—What-. 

—Oh, Chiaisei was listening in on us. She has been there for some time. Looks like she hit her head on the window frame. 

—...! You knew I was here? — Chiaisei said, after poking her head above the window frame. 

—Of course. These ears are pointy for a reason, I think. My hearing is far from as good as a dark elf, but sneaking in on me isn't easy. Though to be fair, I've got no clue why our ears even look like this. Cleaning them is a bit easier, but not like they can get infected easily, either way. Ah well, they look nice enough so who cares? Moving them is also way easier… — Nalfimiria continued talking about her ears nonchalantly for a moment while Chiaisei was heading inside the house. While doing so, she would occasionally make the ears bob up and down. More than the fact they were pointy, I felt the weirdest thing about elven ears was how easily they could move them. Like, did they have muscles in that region? 

I was worried for a second over how much Chiaisei had heard, though seeing as the elven friend didn't show any worry, I imagined she didn't say anything she wouldn't want my girl to listen to. Chiaisei herself seemed far more apologetic in response, but Nalfimiria pointed out she knew of her proximity since the point she drew closer to the walls of the house. As a result, she only chose to say that all of us would be fine with hearing and sharing. It didn't look like Chiaisei heard much of the conversation regarding her directly, so no harm likely was done. This didn't necessarily mean my girl was fully comfortable in the situation, even after the sister denied her any reason to feel guilt. Either way, after indirectly greeting Finarkzir as well, we offered Chiaisei some tea as we all sat around that table. We each took some sips of it until my girl felt comfortable with talking again.