Eulogy of the Prince 19

"Ramuja?" I heard Young Lord was calling me. No one has that silky voice that made my heart wavered every time I hear it other than Young Lord. I looked around only to find myself in a complete darkness.

Panicked, I run around to search for the source of Young Lord's voice that kept calling me, "Y—Young Lord! This servant will find you!"

"It's too late." Young Lord said.

"What?"

Suddenly, I saw a bright light blinded me and the scene changed immediately. I was sitting on a very comfortable cushioned chair and there was a marble table in front of me. The table was filled with food I never saw, but it looked delish.

My eyes wandered around, high ceiling with glorious ornaments, beautiful chandelier, and everything was shiny.

'Where am I?'

"Honey? What are you thinking about?" a familiar voice took his attention. I turned my head to the left and saw Merry with a bright yellow dress that was meant to be used by high nobility. The dress was adorned with gems and it looked stunning. However, Merry would never be able to afford this dress.

"Merry? Why are you using that expensive dress?"

"What do you mean? This is my regular dress!" Merry sulked. She sat on the chair near me and started eating the food on the table gracefully.

"D—Don't eat that! You will get punished!" I warned her. Merry frowned and sulked even more.

"What is wrong with you today? We have been living like this for almost ten years!"

My body jolted. I looked at my reflection on the window and saw myself a lot older, yet looked majestic with black suit, I think I saw the similar black suit worn by Grand Duke Harion.

'H—How could I use this expensive suit?'

'Wait? Where am I? Where is Young Lord?'

"Merry! Where is Young Lord? He called me many times, but I couldn't find him!"

Merry frowned, she looked at me annoyedly, "Don't you remember? When we announced our marriage ten years ago, he congratulated us and gave us this big mansion! He also gave us some of Grand Duchy's businesses!"

I sat dumbfounded, but what came out of her mouth next made me almost fainted, "It is sad that Aster killed himself the next day…"

"What? H—He…"

"What are you blabbering about, honey? Aren't you the one who found his corpse first? He drank a poison in his bed with this weird dried out sunflower in his hand. It is really an ugly sunflower though."

My body felt cold all the sudden and I lost my grip on the table and slumbered in the chair, "He—He…"

"You are weird today," Merry said nonchalantly, "You know that Aster tried to ruin our relationship, he even tried to ruin our wedding before finally giving up!"

I glanced at Merry who didn't seem to budge over this devastating news, this news made me unable to breath as I clenched my heart. It was so painful that I couldn't hold my tears.

'Young Lord…'

'Young Lord…'

"Why are you crying?" Merry clucked irritated, "That Young Lord of yours was gay! He confessed to you in front of me and begged you to return to him! How disgusting was that? How could a Young Lord from wealthy duchy become a gay and begged you to marry him instead!"

"You! How dare you!" My emotions surging up and I stood from the chair. I pointed my finger to Merry, "Take that back! Young Lord is honorable and he will never bow down to anyone!"

Merry also stood up and replied harshly, "Weren't you the one who choose me over him?! You said you love me more! You cannot be gay for him!"

"I—I said that? How could it be?!" my body was trembling all over, unable to receive the devastating information, I cried.

"No need to cry over him," Merry said curtly.

"You!" I raised my head again, the tears were still flowing freely, "How could you said that! You are his only friend! I hid our relationship from him because I don't want him to feel betrayed by his only friend!"

"Did you believe him? For crying out loud Ramuja! He was Young Lord, a high aristocrat! Didn't you see men and women who slobbered over him!?"

"You don't know him… you don't know him at all!" Ramuja screamed, "You are his only friend! He is always lonely because he couldn't be normal with anyone! I am just a slave he bought, if he killed me, he could just buy another one, but you…" I sobbed. There was feeling of sadness, pity and envy toward Merry, "You… you are his real friend. I don't mind if I die, as long as he didn't know that his only friend betrayed him…"

"I don't want him to be sad. He has been struggling for so long, he suffered too much. I don't want you to be the source of his sadness."

I recalled every moment I watched Young Lord who worked and studied tirelessly for his duchy, his kindness to all his subordinates and servants, even to the slaves. Also, his kindness to me…

Young Lord always looked cold and nonchalant to everyone, but as soon as I knew him better, I understood that he was just a very shy and awkward person. I watched all his activity every day and it never tired me.

In fact, it made me happier each day. Because I could see someone that I loved grew into a powerful master someday.

I didn't mind if he killed me if he found out, because he was the one who gave me life after all. But I couldn't see him feeling betrayed again, he despaired too many times.

"Ah, there he goes again, crying about his beloved master," Merry ruffled her waist and ordered the guards, "Guards! Take Earl Ramuja to his room again!"

I was dragged by two guards to a room that was eerily similar to Young Lord's room. I sat on the bed and cried again, "What is the point of this if you died, Young Lord."

'This is a dream.'

'This must be a dream. Yes!' I suddenly realized something.

'Young Lord would never say he loved me, even try to stop my wedding. That is just my far-reaching fantasy.'

'This is a dream, this is a dream. Young Lord is still safe and alive out there.'

'He must be sad if he was alone for too long.'

'Who would accompany him on his morning walk? Who would wash his feet? Who would remind him to take a rest and drink tea to relief his stress?!'

"No, I couldn't leave him for too long," I said to myself.

I walked to the balcony and looked down. This room was so similar to Young Lord's, even the height of the tower was the same. I took a deep breath and strengthened my will.

'Live, Ramuja. Live!'

I heard that voice of my mother when I was a kid. Yes, I must live, but I had been dead the whole time. When I was raped by old men, sold, beaten, starved, sold, raped, beaten, starved and sold again repeatedly. I already died. I was but a corpse for those rotten people to be played with. But he brought me back to life by giving me a human life.

"Mama, what is the point of living if he died?" I looked up to the sky and said, "He owns me, my breath."

I climbed the handrail, I stood on it for a while, then I jumped.

I could feel the cold wind of autumn hitting my body. But all I could think of was the face of Young Lord. I closed my eyes and smiled.

'Young Lord… I will come to you.'

My sincere heart wasn't meant to be greedy

My sacrifice wasn't mean to be a debt

The master of my heart, my soul,

You bonded me with your kindness

So, I bonded you with my devotion.