| 033 | Ruby |

"They were always searching for you, that's why I sat in the second seat of the second roll of chairs in class, because you sat in the third seat of the first one, and I would be able to watch you as much as I wanted without you noticing, because I didn't want to be under your spotlight and neither too obvious. You have always been in the back of my mind, I always thought of you, I always dreamed of you, and before I could even realize what that fucking meant, you were all I could think about, and it got worse when I went through puberty, but my stupid behavior made you think I hated you, and you began to hate me, and I felt helpless, without knowing what to do."

"By the time I was 15 and you were 13, I understood a bit more of what I felt, not the intensity, but I understood the idea, it was love, obsessive love, I don't know when I fell, only that I did. So, when my identical twin brother was set to get private classes from you, in our home, I knew he was going to mess up, to miss some of your classes at least once a weak, and I prayed for that, I took advantage of that, it was my chance to be close to you, to have your attention on me, because without you knowing it was me, I felt confident enough to be myself with you, even if that meant lying. And when I flirted with you that night, and you... kissed me, knowing it was your first kiss, I lost control."

"I was possessed by the need of having all of your firsts, to give you mine back, so I kissed you back, and when you made a move on me, I made another on you, and before I noticed, we were naked and you were grinding on me, and that was the perfect opportunity to claim your virginity for myself and to give you mine, it was a one in a million chance to me, I had to take it. So, I did, and it was one of the best fucking nights of my life, the best then. Until you said it called it a mistake and told me to pretend it never happened, which made me panic and start thinking I had done something terribly wrong and you had hated it."

"For days, I began to overthink everything, wondering what I had done wrong, craving to get an opportunity to be with you again, to talk to you, scared of what my stupid damn brother would do, how he would act and how you would think it was me, but he didn't miss any of your classes then, and I the little confidence I had, I lost it when you called it a mistake. Next I knew, you were confessing to my brother, and I found myself plotting his death, then he rejected you and when I saw how he made you cry, I almost did get through my plan to murder him, because seeing you cry broke my damn heart."

"You began to miss school, only dropping by for the tests and nothing else, and my opportunity began to slip away from my fingers, and each time I saw you, I panicked because I wanted to get to you, but I didn't fucking know how. There was a possibility of you having fallen for both me and Hayes thinking we were the same, and there was the tiny possibility that you had fallen solely for that parts that were... mine, but my confidence was so fucking low by then, that I thought that to be fucking impossible. Then came the day I dropped by the school to get my recommendation letter."

He passed his fingers through his hair and something shattered inside of me when I saw his hands shaking softly, "I had decided to train my boxing skills in the school gym one last time, because I was angry at myself, at Hayes, at you for not seeing me and for possibly having fallen for both me and him when he was fucking gay, and at everyone because the only one I didn't hate in that school was you, since I was hating my brother then. After training, I went for a cold bath in the empty locker room, because I was having blue balls ever since we lost our virginity together, and I couldn't wash you away from my body. That was when I heard you, coming by the gymnasium, right next the locker room."

"My body acted on its own and I grabbed you inside, because it felt like my last fucking chance to do it before I lost you to Oxford, and I kissed you, then you kissed me back, and we burned together, and I was just fucking happy that you still wanted me, but then you moaned Hayes name and I got angry and..." he swallowed, "I felt the possessively obsessive need to mark you as mine forever, to make your body understand that you belonged to me, not Hayes, and... I ignored the condom in my backpack inside my locker, and fucked you without it, and the feeling of fucking your tight pussy raw was just so... maddeningly addictive that I couldn't help it. I consciously came inside you, knowing the danger."

"You didn't complain, you begged for more, then I came again, and again, cramping you with my seed to the brink, ignoring the consequences that could follow our impulsive actions, because it felt just too fucking good to resist it. I kept overthinking afterwards, the idea of you getting pregnant both scaring and amusing the hell out of me, so, I kept a tab on Cole, believing that if that were to happen, you would tell them and he would snap at me or Hayes. I waited, and waited, and waited until December, but there was nothing. When I was already in Harvard, reunited with Klaus, I ended up getting into a fight with Hayes when he badmouthed you, and I... fuck, I nearly killed him, Ruby."

"And the worse is that I don't even feel guilty, at all, I would have done it again, because the simple memory of him claiming that he could have fucked you and made you humiliate yourself and kiss the ground he walked on if he wanted to, made me murderous. It made me murderous because I wanted to fucking worship you, to carry you in my arms like the Princess that you were born to be, so you won't need to touch the damn ground, because to me the ground isn't worthy of your touch, and the thought of you humiliating yourself made me want to burn the fucking world down. So, I nearly killed him for it, them I nearly killed your brother when he came to defend mine."

"In fact, I may have gotten involved in many, many, many physical fights in my years at Harvard, some Klaus helped me on by having my back, most against Hayes and Cole and Jameson when they were still friends. Leah used to be their friend, but when she realized how motherfucking shitty they were, she finally understood my point and we got close enough for me to call her a pseudo-friend. I... I never wanted to play you, Ruby, even less to lie to you, or to hurt you, at all, that was never my intention, you were never a game, never a challenge, I just... didn't know how else to get to you, because taking my brothers place was easier."

"I know I messed up, I recognize my mistake and I'm willing to make it up to you, Ruby, I'll do anything to get a real shot with you, even if it takes time, I'll do everything to make you trust me, but living away from you and in different houses is non-negotiable, I'm not doing that. I've been away from you for too damn long, I can't let your fear make so it'll take longer for me to be with you, because my fear held me back before, and I'm not letting fear dictate this. You are mine, I meant it, and I'll kill anyone who tries anything with you without a second thought, because this is who I am, and,"

A knock came from his window, startling both of us.

"Who the fuck is this?" He growled at the sight of the front gate keeper.

I swallowed, finally opening my mouth again, "Landon Featherflame, he... he's the front gate keeper of Ashton Hall College."