CHAPTER ONE

ENYEOK

I felt like my heart would jump out from my ribcage as I drag the pen between my fingers down on the paper and scribble my sign on it.

I stare at the contract files lying in front of me, open to reveal the letters and phrases in it which doesn't make any sense to me even though I have read them over a thousand times by now.

I can't believe that I dared to sign it. And it's all because of that one name mentioned on it.

Zelan Williams.

My co-actor.

An actor who is too popular to be doing a movie with a rookie like me. But that's not what makes me feel like throwing up from nervousness, it's the fact that I'm doing a gay movie. And I don't want to remember how homophonic my parents are and how would I tell this to them.

It's the same feeling that I had when I had my first kiss with a boy instead of a girl. I was scared to death. I cursed myself for not being normal. And even start to hate myself for being this way. I had tried to pretend to be the person I am not. I was scared of what would people think of me. Do they be disgusted just like my parents?

I hate that I give way too fucks.

But how long can I hide behind this mask before it kills me from the suffocation?

So I dared to take this step. The opportunity is huge, I can say that. Probably too huge for me to even dream about. It's never easy to get a call from The most renowned film director in the international film industry—but a little bit more prominent in the Korean film industry— offering to make your acting debut in one of his uttermost anticipated series of this year.

It's a bestseller romance novel by his Husband, Garam Lee who wrote that as a recollection of their own love story. David is remaking it as a movie for Garam and they both want Zelan to star as the American main character as much as they want me to star as the other Korean main character.

I know I don't worth it, but does that stop David Williams from telling me that I'm the chosen one?

Probably not.

I've been working as an assistant director for David for two years now and He has become more like an older brother to me. He even looks after me more than my own father does. But do I ever in my life did reckon that I would end up starring in one of his movies? And with his own son, Zelan Williams? I would be out of my mind to do something like that.

While working for him the past year, I get to see Zelan more than a handful of times. And each time it's a sight for sore eyes, I can feel my gayness awakening from its deep slumber in the sealed nook of my heart.

But seems like I don't stand a chance. even if did, im too much of a coward to even make a move. But that doesn't stop my heart from stinging every time I saw him with that redhead girl who they say is his best friend and the daughter of one of David's close friends.

"So, you finally cave in." David's raspy voice made me lift my eyes away from Zelan's name written down on the contract and lock onto his instead.

He has a pleasing smile dancing over the corner of his lips as he stares at me. No one would believe me if I said he has a son who's two years older than me. David hardly looks Thirty-eight even though he's already forty-three.

I stare at him without uttering a word. his eyebrows furrowing when he realizes I'm not responding to him.

"Look, You don't have to do this if you're not comfortable. I'm not forcing anything on you." He throws his hands up in defense. And I'm quick to shake my head and say, "I know you'll never do that, Dav. It's just I'm nervous and a little unsure about this, that's all to it."

"And can I ask what makes you so nervous or unsure as you said? Is it because it's gonna be your debut movie? Or is it simply because acting is not your thing?"

I sigh. "Neither one. It's my parents"

"What about your parents?" David arcs one of his thick eyebrows at me as his blue orbs held a questing look on them.

"I— um, they are not so fond of—you know? Like, they are—" I was cut off by David.

"Homophobic?" He scoffs, "Well if that's the case then it'll explain your hesitancy"

I let my head hang down as I stay silent.

He let out a sigh and rub his fingers on his jaw. His eyes were sharp as he held my gaze, "You. Do you want to do this, En?"

Before I even know it, I open my mouth and let the words climb out of it. "I do."

The corner of David's eyes wrinkles as an elegant smile blooms on his lips, "I know you, kid. And I'm so happy" He springs up from his chair and throws his arms around my shoulder, "Do you believe me when I said you'll be the perfect one for this character my Husband has created with his blood sweat, and tears?"

I circled my arms around his waist with a grin, "Probably not."

He chuckles, "Well, he said that to me. You've got this, kid"

"Thank you, Dav" I whispered on his shoulder.

I know what am I getting myself into but I could care less about it right now.

I love my parents but that doesn't mean I would shift myself into someone they want me to be. Well, I did. But not anymore. even if I want to, now I know I can't.

In my Twenty-two years of life, everything I ever did was to please my parents or because of their order. And now I'm doing something for myself. Something I like, or want.

I can no longer deny the desire of my heart.

Never once had I had anything I want in my life. And I want this more than anything I've ever wanted.

I'm not letting this go. I will use this as an odds to unearth the person inside me. Because I don't really know who I am with or without my parents controlling me, but I guess I'm about to find out.