Chapter 3 About the Contract

I would never put it past Anthony but with everything that happened between us last night — I did expect him to be a little bit nicer to me. Fuck I did expect somewhat of a damn good morning kiss.

I ran my fingers through my hair frustrated, trying to ignore the heartbreak I was feeling. The piercing dagger that slowly made its way to my heart. I felt stupid — stupid for thinking that anything would've changed, that he'd change. As much as I craved Anthony, I knew he wasn't the man for me and the more I accepted that the more my heart began to ache. I walked for my backpack, which was the only thing I came with. I changed from the clothes I was wearing, into baggy short jeans and a mustard bodysuit, which again were the only things I came with from my house.

"What were you thinking?" I whispered to my reflection in the mirror. Why had I allowed myself to be touched by him in ways that had never occurred before? Why had I allowed myself to touch him? I knew for a fact that those pleasurable mistakes I made were going to be haunting me for a long time. There was something last night — I could feel it. The way he looked at me, spoke to me and caressed me, it just can't be nothing. The way he fucked me like he loved me and for the first time putting my sexual pleasures above his, it meant something, I could feel it did.

Sighing, I flung my backpack over my shoulder and exited my room. Every bone within me prayed that Anthony wouldn't be in the sitting room so I could just vanish like he had asked me to do earlier. His words cut deeper than he thinks, and I couldn't help but want to oblige.

My hope was soon squashed when I saw him still sitting there- in all his glory. I exhaled a deep breath and continued my walk of nerves. Without glancing his way, I headed for the door, internally praying that he ignores me like earlier, but my prayer was cut short. "Where are you going?"

His deep British accent rang in my ears. "Nowhere, I'm just vanishing," I replied cheekily before I could stop myself. Surprise took over me when I realized that for the first time, I've straightforwardly pierced his ego. Anger was evident on his face, his jaw clenched, and his fist balled.

Biting my bottom lip, I averted my gaze and began to walk.

"Kathryn!" He called, his voice threatening. I sighed.

"What Anthony?" I asked frustrated, not in the mood for his bullshit.

Was he really expecting me to stay after he just treated me like a nobody minutes ago? Did he think that a pity fuck was going to change my mind? I've never thought this, but he must be stupid.

Not only did he belittle me but also made a fool of me — not caring to be sensitive to my feelings after I told him how madly in love, I am with him.

"Don't call me Anthony!" He snapped, closing his laptop and rising to his feet. I stood my grounds, not showing any sign of fear. "What the fuck do you want from me? This damn contract is over," I barked, matching his tone.

"I won't sign it again, I won't give you the power to treat me like shit cause news flash Anthony, we all have feelings."

I hadn't noticed I was walking closer to him until I was just a few steps away. He visibly tensed then relaxed seconds after, his eyes softening but I wasn't going to fall for it — not when I knew it would be gone the next minute and he'd become monster Anthony again. The monster I stupidly fell madly in love with.

"I needed to show you that nothing had changed." The bastard defended himself, not even an ounce of apology from him. Almost like he doesn't understand the act of hurting and destroying someone's feelings.

Words hurt Anthony, "Then why the fuck did you do it?"

I asked, controlling my anger. I was beyond frustrated, one minute he discreetly treats me like a queen and the next he outwardly treats me like trash. My only motive is to push him for a slip-up, anything to let me know he cares — even if just a little.

"You had already broken all the rules Kathryn, it was just a pity fuck because I'm letting go of you," he said causing me to freeze. I loved the idea of him wanting me, even if not the way I'd have preferred so his words did hurt me deeply, but I wasn't going to show it.

"Okay," I whispered — not having the strength to slap him. Every bone in my body became stiff, I couldn't bring myself to move. A pity fuck, just like I had thought. I stared directly into his eyes, searching for a reason to render his statement a lie but I found nothing — he meant it.

He nodded, an expression which I couldn't read flashed in his eyes and was gone as soon as it came. If I was naive, I would have called it sadness but no, Malik doesn't feel. I mustered up the courage to walk towards the door and this time he didn't stop me. I could feel his eyes on me, engraving my body to memory as I opened the door and stepped out but not once did, I look back.

I walked straight out, with a tear-stained face, ignoring everyone that said hi to me because my mind couldn't focus. Everyone looked at me with concerned eyes, but I stared into space, not being able to care.

All I was thinking was that 'this is it' I wasn't going to see Anthony ever again and I knew it wasn't what I wanted even though it's what's best for me. What hurt more was that it didn't mean anything to him — it was just a good fuck unlike what it meant to me.

Entering my small apartment, I immediately ran into my room, trying to avoid Cheryl, my roommate. I locked my door and threw myself on my bed. My tears had dried off a long time ago and all I was left with was grief, bitterness and an arid throat.

"Ughhhhh," I groaned, throwing my pillow across my room. I couldn't believe everything that had happened within the last twenty-four hours. What hurt more was I didn't regret anything; I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. It was then I concluded that love makes you crazy.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I heard a knock on my door followed by Monika s voice. As much as I wanted to be alone, I walked lazily and unlocked my it, letting her in. Missing her is an understatement, I hadn't seen her for a month and two days because let's just say Anthony had been putting me to work for his money's worth.

To be fair, they were enjoyable events except I wasn't genuinely happy and felt out of place- felt unloved by his side and pathetic.

"Oh my God, I've missed you so much." Monika flung herself at me dramatically which caused me to giggle as we fell on my bed.

"Enough, get off me!" I joked, pushing her away. She pouted which made me smile — her presence brought a sense of peace to me that I had been lacking.

"I can see that Mr. lover boy has finally given you a break," She stated, sprawling on my bed. the mention of Anthony caused my heart to tighten in my chest.

"Yeah, for good this time," I muttered painfully, and her head snapped in my direction, her eyes wide.

"What do you mean for good?" She asked, sitting up and I shrugged.

"The contract ended Monika."

"Yeah, but he made you sign it a second time." She said like it was obvious and like I wasn't making any sense.

"But I couldn't this time Monika, I can't do it again and besides he wasn't willing." I said, trying my damn best not to break down. Monika remained silent, she knew everything, and never once did she judge me because she understood that we needed the money — I needed it for my mother, my only reason for everything.

I explained everything that had happened over the month to her. She listened keenly only stopping me here and there to repeat myself from time to time.

"I think he's fighting it," she said smiling-totally ignoring my state of pain and anguish.

"Stop it, Monika! He isn't fighting anything, he's incapable of feeling." I warned, the last thing I wanted was for my head to be filled with lies and false hopes beside what's the point now? She sighed.

"No listen it doesn't make sense that he'd let you touch him and not like you even the slightest plus he let you sign a second time — something he had never done and was even willing to let you sign a third time if you didn't say no." She spoke fast, like she had hot rice in her mouth, but I knew it was out of fear that I'd shut her up. "It was a pity fuck, he told me so himself and if he had even tiny feelings for me, he wouldn't have hurt me like that."

I argued, not willing to accept her little act of assessment.

"But he could've just said —" she wouldn't stop, triggering my frustration.

"Enough, Monika!" I snapped. Anthony was dead to me, well the opposite but I needed her to understand that.

Anthony Starks is history.

I entered the all too familiar building. Horrible memories flooded my mind, but I had to be strong — I had to do this. It's been a month and five days since I last visited her. I couldn't come up with any excuses for Anthony to let me come visit her because I didn't want him knowing.

Approaching the receptionist desk, Vanessa smiled which I returned.

"Hi Essa," I greeted, and she smiled warmly.

"I thought you were never going to show up again," She joked but there was some seriousness to it which I ignored.

"You can't get rid of me easily you know?" I pouted and she burst out laughing.

"— But really how have you been?" She asked, concern written on her features.

"Been good," I answered simply, and she nodded.

"How has she been?" I went ahead and asked what I was dying to ask from the get-go.

Vanessa s smile dropped but she smiled again, and I could tell it wasn't genuine this time. I've been coming here for years and know her very well. It wasn t good news then.

"I wish I could tell you something different Kathryn but it's still the same as before," she said sadly. Over the years, some of the nurses had grown a soft spot for mother and her health bothers them as well and Kayla is at the top of the list.

My spirit was instantly downcast

"But she'd be fine, don't worry!" Vanessa assured me like she had done several times in the past.

"When? It's been six years already Essa and not even a single improvement," I asked, tears threatened to fall but I had to be strong. Mother is my only reason for fighting but sometimes I feel like maybe we should both just give up. I couldn't blame her, but she wasn't giving me many reasons to want to fight.

Our conversation went on for about five minutes as I waited for another nurse to go get my mother.

"She's waiting," The nurse informed me at which I nodded politely her way and thanked her. I excused myself and walked into the open field, the garden.

No one had to tell me where she was going to be, I knew all too well — too well for my liking. As much as I never want to come here, I always do because I couldn't abandon my mother.

I couldn't turn my back on the woman that birthed me. Seeing her in such a condition kills me all the time but seeing her itself was a blessing.

Her tiny frame came into view, and I couldn't help the smile that graced my face. I walked faster and sat near her, on the bench.

She didn't look at me — she never does.

"Hi mama," I greeted, extending my hand to grab hers that was planted firmly between her thighs as always. She ignored me like she always does, her eyes stared into space.

Over time I began to wonder why she wouldn't talk to me or look at me, but the nurses told me that even though she never responded physically, she did emotionally and that was enough. Everything I do is because of her, she is my only reason for living.

Everything used to be perfect, our family used to be perfect. Mom used to be very lively, jovial and loving but everything changed that night. The night I'd never forget- the night that still haunts me.

"I'm sorry for not coming for so long." I apologized, knowing she could hear me. She smiled with her eyes, accepting my apology which caused me to sigh.

"I missed you so much."

I broke down, flinging myself at her in a tight embrace which she never responds to. As much as I tried not to cry, I did. I snuggled my nose into the crook of her neck as I sobbed. Her sweet scent graced my nostril, one that I love with all my heart and missed with all my being.

We stayed that way for about thirty minutes. In silence and peace, thinking about only the good times and not the bad. Cameron came to my mind along with Caren and dad. I only allowed great thoughts and not the bad ones, something I've mastered over the years.

Finally, it was the painful part, time for me to leave because visiting hours were over. Vanessa approached us with a sad smile, and I shut my eyes tightly not wanting to hear the words I was used to.

"Just a minute more?" I pleaded before Vanessa could even speak and she nodded, her eyes softening.

"I'd be back soon mama; I promise but you need to get better." I said, turning her face to me so she'd look directly at me. She looked through me and not at me, but I knew she understood me.

I kissed her forehead and pulled her in for a hug and she hugged back, the only thing she ever does but only when I'm leaving.

That simple act of hers is what always strengthened me to keep fighting, not for myself but for her. It's what assures me that I don't live for only myself but for the both of us. Warm tears escaped my eyes as I pulled back, but I turned away immediately so she wouldn't see me cry.

"I love you, mama, don't forget that." I wiped my face and turned back to face her. She visibly smiled which caused me to break down internally, but I had to remain strong for her. I kissed her on the cheek again.

"Thank you." I mouthed to Vanessa as I stood to my feet. She nodded in acceptance, and I walked away, not being able to look back. It was always the same routine — leaving without looking back because if I did, I wouldn't leave.

I sighed as the breeze hit me from all angles. Bracing myself, I began to walk home which was just about twenty minutes away. Now that everything had come to an end with Anthony, I needed to find a job because I still needed to keep up with the expensive bills for my mother's care. I wanted the best for her and since I could afford it a while back, I intend to keep doing so.

As I walked, I spotted a new pub, fancy looking that caught my eyes. I walked towards it; my goal is to ask for a job. If I was going to keep up with my mother's medical bills, I needed to get a well-paying job.

The bouncer eyed me from head to toe distastefully but I couldn't blame him, I did look like a lost and helpless puppy.

"Sorry I can't allow you in, there's a special dress code that's known as presentable." He blatantly insulted me, but no offence was taken.

"No, I'm here to look for a job." I informed him which only gave him more room to insult me.

"We don't hire nuns here too, miss." He chuckled, this time finally sparking my anger. If only he knew the things I've done — things I'm not proud of, things I wish I could erase.

I frowned, glaring at him and he immediately dropped his amused smile, "Who are you to look down on me? Does your job suck that much that you decide to play with the feelings of other people for fun? People like you for that matter." I pointed out angrily. I admit I did look like a nun in a long skirt and a loose blouse along with a beige coat but there is nothing wrong with that. Can't a woman be comfortable? Besides I'm not worthy to be compared to such clean and pure women.

He looked very ashamed and without waiting for a reply, I turned around and began to walk away.

"Wait!" His voice stopped me. I turned with my lips in a thin line.

"Walk that way and take the first door on your left, it's the back door." Without smiling, I nodded and began to walk where he had directed.

"Oh, and I'm sorry." He called which caused me to roll my eyes and smile, but I didn't turn back.

The door at the back led me to a dimly lit room, I could see parts of the pub from there which caused my mouth to drop to the floor. I attempted to walk in further when a frame blocked my path.

"Who are you?" An auburn-haired girl asked as she looked at me in confusion.

"Hi I'm Kathryn Thorne." I greeted, extending my right hand but she looked at it with a scrunched nose and ignored my gesture.

"What are you doing here?" She interrogated me. Her attitude stank, just from the way she talked.

"I'm looking for a job?" I answered her with a question but only because I was unsure of how to go about it. She rolled her eyes, folding her arms.

"Well then go look somewhere else cause we aren't hiring." She sassed and without giving me the chance to reply she walked away.

I huffed; time wasted.