Gil-kun and the Night

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"... are we there yet?"

"No."

"... are we th-"

"Dammit, I said no! We won't arrive any time soon."

"Curses... Damn it, why did we have to fall in the middle of this swamp?"

"Well, at least we landed so that we were already halfway there."

"There's no way I would have traversed the entire revolting lake by foot."

"I would normally say that we should rest a bit, but I guess it's useless in such a terrain. Resting here could prove fatal, and I have no intention of succumbing from some mud in my lungs."

"Me neither. But even if it's pitch black, my eyes have no intention of closing. What kind of fool would find the strength and the idiocy to fall asleep here?"

"I'm getting a bit nervous..."

"Why? Every lifeform here is tiny and can't harm you even if we can't use our weapons."

"No, that's not what I meant, Nero's been quiet for too long."

"Oh, I see. Well, let's see if the swamp will allow his king to use a torch."

Gilgamesh lifted his arm and managed to summon a fiery torch.

"This seems like they are actively messing with us."

"They might be, and if they are, then my punishment for them shall be tenfold."

"Yeah, yeah, help me see where we are going."

"Don't be so hasty, mongrel. Now, let's see where that moron is... ... ..."

"..."

"..."

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

"Depends on what you're seeing."

"I'm seeing that she fell asleep and she's floating with her face underwater."

"Yeah, I'm seeing what you're seeing."

"... I... I can't... believe it..."

"I have no words either."

"How long do you think she has been like this?"

"Don't you think if she was drowning she would notice?"

"Given her survival skills, I doubt so."

"... yeah, I do too."

"... should we leave her here?"

"You know... I would say yes... but losing the third party member in 24 hours would leave a bad taste in my mouth."

"The only bad taste I feel was that we lost the diner girl before this fool."

"Stop trying to convince me to abandon her. Every single part of me that could agree with that plan has done so already. Meaning there's a part of me that can't absolutely accept it."

"Not even if I make you a burger?"

"You don't know how to make burgers."

"I have machines that know how to make the tastiest burgers you'll ever eat."

"... No, we can't leave her here."

"Ugh, fine. If that didn't fully convince you, I'm sure nothing will."

"Precisely."

"Fine. But you carry her."

"We'll take turns and I'll go first."

"That's not what I said."

"That's what I said."

"Whatever, this has already been a waste of my time. Let's keep going."

They kept walking for an hour, with Salter dragging the sleeping Nero through the thick swamp, before eventually she switched places with Gilgamesh. They suddenly started itching.

"Why the hell is my skin so itchy?"

"I could ask the same question... damn it... wait, could it be that... the mosquitoes here are so small that you can't even see them?"

Salter hit her arm with great force, and as she looked closely at her hand, she could see the most miniscule splatters of blood.

"Oh Lord... that's horrifying."

"Damn tiny world... it's even worse than when everything was huge."

"I hope I don't get AIDS or something."

"Why would you get AIDS... oh, right, different timeline. Wait, is malaria an..."

"Extremely dangerous STD? Of course! Why, what are its causes here?"

"Ehm..."

"Oh... Oh no... no, no, no... don't tell me... that it's transmitted by..."

"Yes, yes it is."

"I'm going to die..."

"You're just being negative..."

"No, I'm being realistic... I'm going to die... if only malaria was as curable as cancer..."

"... you know that... I have something against malaria in my vault, right?"

"Oh, thank God! You really have everything in there!"

"Yeah, yeah... so, about cancer..."

Somewhere else...

"What the hell are you watching on TV, Gaia?"

"Oh, nothing, just Astolfo and Frankenstein's monster picking up some flowers."

"Oh, ok. That's actually kind of cute..."

"Yeah, I was wondering what would scare them more, if I were to turn the flowers into snakes or into spiders."

"..."

"What are you watching on the tablet, Alaya?"

"Oh, I'm looking at the conversation between Ozymandias and Charlemagne."

"Weren't they fighting?"

"Yes, but after six hours they were still in a stalemate, so now they are talking it out and... flexing to each other, I suppose."

"Mmm, all this talking sure is boring... even Artoria isn't doing much right now... though she was putting in the effort a few hours ago, no?"

"Yes, just what I expected from the King of Knights. And it seems like Gilgamesh and his group are actually closing in on her, but I doubt it will be without any problems."

"And how come is that?"

"Because, thanks to the machinations of someone that one of them knows all too well, they are about to enter into a strange, strange land..."

"Wow, finally some action!"

"You sure are impatient, it's the small moments of peace that make battle to entertaining to watch."

"And to do! Man, it's been so long since I have scrapped for real against someone... ever since Teia came down... I wouldn't mind ducking it out with my full power against someone... perhaps that Gilgamesh guy... though I would probably swat him like a fly."

"To compare us to a Servant is like comparing a mouse to an elephant. The strongest human in history poses no more threat to us than the weakest ant of all time."

"Indeed... though if all Servants were to come together... with the help of the Grands... then perhaps... just maybe... out of a billion outcomes..."

"Don't think too much about such hypotheticals, Gaia. Uniting all the Servants is like ending all wars or all hunger. A pathetic, childish and foolish dream, never to be accomplish, always been dreamed of."

"Haha, and you say that I'm cruel?"

"Speaking of Grands, I have managed to find and appoint a few of them."

"And you didn't tell me anything?!"

"I am telling you now. Before we officially grant them the status, I'll let you see them and approve them."

"How kind of you, Alaya. Are they rascals?"

"Do you think that I would recruit someone noble and just to be our personal clown?"

"You know I don't think so lowly of you."

"I sure hope so. *snaps fingers* Come on in."

"Wow, how intriguing! Some very peculiar choices! Won't he be too obscure?"

"Doesn't that make it more interesting?"

"I guess so. And isn't he a bit too obvious?"

"What do you mean 'he'?"

"What? Surely you don't mean to tell me... wow, well I'll be polluted, even I can still get surprised."

"So, what do you think?"

"Well, I'd say you've done a fantastic job as always, Alaya! But isn't someone missing..."

"Yeah, well, the truth is... we're having some trouble with... that one..."

"... Whatever, I guess, it's not that big of a deal. Great news, guys! You're officially the new Grand Servants! And you're first mission, as instructed by the Counterforce... is to infiltrate the world we created, and tear it apart, as amusingly as possible!"

Back to the swamp, a few minutes later...

"So... you said you're going to find the ones who created this world..."

"Yes."

"And punish them?"

"Indeed."

"How do you intend to find them?"

"I'll figure it out, I always do."

"And how do you think you'll make them pay?"

"There are so many ingenious ways to get revenge, it's hard to choose one."

"And what exactly makes you believe that you'll be able to beat them?"

"Simple, one of them is the representation of the humans I rule over, and if Gaia is also involved, like I suspect, then she's simply the representation of the nature humans rule over. I can't see myself losing against either of them."

"That's not really... a logical argument... or explanation..."

"There's only one who I consider my equal, and none who I consider superior to me. Therefore, it follows that everyone else is inferior to me."

"I... suppose... if you look at it that way... whatever. More importantly, what are you going to do after you have defeated them and destroyed this world?"

"I suppose I'll return to my real garden."

"You wish to come back to life?"

"Don't be mistaken, mongrel. I have no need and I find no value in reincarnation, however, I doubt that I would be allowed to return to the Throne of Heroes once I have dealt with the Counterforce. So I find no other solution but to return to my kingdom to rule it once more. Unfortunately, it seems that my subjects have devolved and greatly weakened in all ways because of my absence."

"You aren't satisfied with the current world."

"How could I be? It's ruled and inhabited by weaklings, people that in my era would have been dead before ever getting the chance to spread their wicked seed and pollute the world with their offsprings. The strong are often discarded, the smart are left without a voice, and the valiants are oppressed. It sickens me. Of the values that I imparted, there's almost nothing left."

"... perhaps... it's better this way."

"Huh?"

"I ruled with an iron fist over England, all my life, and my people were the most outstanding the world had ever seen, with every value and quality desirable for a perfect human. And yet... only on my deathbed I realised... that they weren't happy. None of them were. The hardships I imposed on them made them better people, but they didn't make them happier. You say that the strong don't rule anymore. According to our definition of strong, that may be true. However, in the world, there are the 'strong' and the 'weak'."

"Those who are weak today would have been weak in my time too."

"But see, there's the point. Some people who are truly weak are now in power, but most of those we considered weak are still weak. But we mustn't discard them. The strong can stand on their own two feet. The intelligent can navigate life better than anyone. And the valiant will always be willing to help, regardless of recognition. And so, as kings, our greatest achievement wouldn't be to make sure that the strong survive, but to turn the weak into the strong."

"I have no interest in ruling over weaklings, much less to babysit them."

"No, not babysit them... not just make sure they survive... help them get better... make sure that they'll be able to survive once you're gone, make sure that, even though they may not be perfect... they'll be good enough to be truly happy and to spread that happiness and brilliance to others. As individuals, they will still be no better than insects. However, enough fireflies can outshine even the brightest star."

"Whoever it was that gave you this ideals, is truly an idiot. You must not lose yourself in such ridiculous thoughts."

"The person that taught me this is the greatest person I have ever met. And the greatest king."

Salter said, looking straight at Gilgamesh's eyes, surprising him, almost as if she was referring to him.

"Well, my only priority right now is to find my Saber. And once I return to my role, I'll rule with her by my side, and that shall be my joyous fate. Right where I belong, close to the Saber that has been with me since the start of this wild ride."

He said with a smug, before turning towards Nero and giving her a flick on the head.

"Don't snore while I'm carrying you, moron."

She became quiet.

A few hours later...

"*yawns* Man, I had such a good rest... almost forgot we were in the middle of a swamp. Sorry guys, I hope I didn't slow you down too much, I'm getting up n- holy umu!"

Nero exclaimed as she could see right in front of her Gilgamesh and Salter floating with their faces underwater.

"Did you guys fall asleep too? Wake up, damn it! Spit it out, spit it out!"

After making sure (a bit excessively) that they hadn't drowned or suffocated, she tried waking them up once more, but failed.

"Hmm... well, I guess I have no choice but to carry you two. It's a good thing Salty held on the map even when she was asleep. Very well guys, let's go, you can thank me later! The ducktape even got loose! It's truly the perfect time to sing:

Nero, Nero, carries two lazy men

Up to the river, over the den

Nero, Nero, we all count on you

Leave it up to, I say, umu!"