LONILESS, INCREMENT OF RAGE AND ACCEPTANCE

I started running around the compound, and every detail that had happened in the last few days was running through my head. The changes were confusing me. Now I have a father. But why should I sacrifice for him? Father has his own family, and he hasn't suffered like I did. He wasn't there when children bullied me, and he wasn't there when my children were born. What right does he have to speak of keeping the secret? Why should I leave my family? No, no, it is the rage speaking, I said to myself. The house was giving me a weird feeling, like it wasn't even my house. I missed my children, especially the twins. A house without them is not a home. I think I made a mistake leaving them. When they are around, I am calm.

I don't know what changed. After that snapping sound, everything changed around me. My senses are sharp, my movements are more flexible, and I can hear more sounds from the forest than before. I think I have already run more than my normal limit. Is it really just hormones? Then I sped up. I tried to close my mind to forget my surroundings, but the faster I ran, the clearer the images became. I could even hear rabbits moving in the bushes. How can I know it is a rabbit? I suddenly stopped; the sounds became irritating, and I couldn't seem to turn off the sound. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I was starting to let go. Then one hand touched my shoulder. I tried to turn and bite, but I couldn't move a muscle. And in my ear, Jacob said, "Calm down. Center yourself. Keep thinking everything is under your control." I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself by following the sound.

When I was really calm, I thanked Jacob and turned to look around. Harry was there, looking at me bewildered. I looked at Jacob and Harry and asked, "What is happening?"

Harry said, "Mom, you were running very fast. Sometimes, I could only see blurs."

He asked Jacob, "What is happening to her? This is not normal. And you, what are you? One moment, you were with me; then you disappeared, and then I saw two blurs."

Jacob replied, "Even if I tell you, you will not believe me. And it is not the time yet. We are bound by our words. I already broke one of the tribe's words unknowingly and another for love and morality, but I am not planning to break it for convenience."

Harry angrily said, "You son of... For you, it may be of convenience, but she is my mom."

I stepped in between them and looked at Harry. I said, "Calm down and tell me what you saw."

Harry again looked at Jacob angrily, then said to me, "You were going too fast, and it was unnatural. I couldn't see you clearly because of the speed."

Then Jacob said, "Don't be overdramatic, you pup."

Then I said to Jacob angrily, "I am your elder sister and above you by almost 12 years. If you don't give me the respect I earned, you will be sorry. And one more time, if you say things like that to my son, I will give you one extra limp. You hear me?"

Jacob rolled his eyes and said, "Ok, ok, I hear you."

As my rage continued to build, I spoke through gritted teeth to Jacob. "Don't think we're idiots, Jacob. I've noticed several things over the last few days, and I can see right through your poker face. The only thing saving you is the fact that I can see in your eyes that you care for me and my children. If that weren't the case, I would have put a bullet in your head every time you came unannounced into our home in your short pants. And one more thing - I worked as a bouncer in a local bar in Seattle, so I know what a scar from a broken bottle looks like."

With that, I turned and took Harry's shoulder, leading him back into the house. Once inside, I told him, "Now is not the time. I think they've told us most of the truth, and the remaining information is not Jacob's place to tell."

"But Mom, if it's dangerous for you..." Harry protested.

"I know, but the situation hasn't changed. We'll decide what to do based on the outcome," I replied.

Harry asked me "what you were doing mom. It seemed like you were running away from something"

I replied to Harry, "It was in a way. My mind was a mess, and I turned my anger into running. The more I ran, the more everything turned into enhanced version- the sights, the sounds, and my own flexibility. It became unbearable both mentally and physically, and I got even angrier. Then Jacob told me to calm down, and everything settled. I think he has some sort of control over people with this situation, which is why I told you to wait. We need him to help me control whatever this is. If we go to the hospital, it might put others in danger or they might even lock me up."

Harry nodded in response and didn't say anything for a moment. Then he asked, "Are you going to the gym now?"

"Yes," I replied. "Now I know what not to do and I want to try it out and figure things out. Do you have the heart monitoring device that Stephen gave you?"

"Yes," Harry said. "What are you planning to do?"

"I'm going to work out and see what my limits are, and try to find a way to control my emotions," I said.

Harry nodded again and said, "That sounds like a good plan, Mom. Just be careful, okay?"

"I will," I said, giving him a reassuring smile. "And don't worry, I'll have the heart monitor on, so I'll know when to slow down if I need to."

With that, I grabbed my gym bag and headed out the door, feeling determined to take control of my emotions and my life.

When I arrived at the gym, I found it empty, which was unusual as there were usually a few people there. Seth was waiting for me outside and waved as soon as he saw me. I smiled and walked over to him, taking in his impressive physique.

Without really thinking, I blurted out, "You went through something similar, right?"

He nodded.

And I couldn't resist asking, "Did Jacob call you?" Seth confirmed that he had received a call from Jacob.

I asked again "Can you control my temper like him"

I don't think so. He is different "He replied

We started our usual workout routine, but it seemed too easy for me today. So, we gradually increased the intensity. Whenever I felt like I was getting too worked up, I checked my heart monitor and adjusted the pace accordingly, slowing down by ten beats per minute. I also did some deep breathing exercises whenever I heard the monitor beep. Through trial and error, I came up with my own steps and intervals that helped me stay in control.

Seth breathed a sigh of relief and said, "We should have thought about this earlier. It could have come in handy more than once"

I continued for one more hour and stopped. So I took my things and said goodbye to Seth and went back to home.

I took a cold bath and did some meditation. After that I made lunch for me and Harry. I didn't see Jacob at the house. After eating lunch with harry we started to phone each children and enquire how they are. Girls asked me whether I am ok. Twins started to tell about their breakfast and where they are going today. After that Stephen told me that his parents are coming to see twins. After the phone call I felt both down and hope full. Harry went to his room and I sat alone sofa staring at tv. I don't even know what I am watching, then I heard my monitor start beeping. I controlled myself and took deep breath and after some time I calmed down and felt sleepy and I slept on the sofa.

I woke up after hearing the doorbell. Harry came down from the stairs and I went and opened the door. I saw Sam and Billy. I invited them in and went to prepare some drinks for them. They looked tired, especially Billy. When I came back from the kitchen, Harry was talking to Sam about the incident that happened to him.

Harry asked, "How did you tackle mood swings and rage?"

Sam replied, "I didn't. Everybody avoided me and marked me as the black sheep, which in turn made me angrier. Finally, after the final rage, I was emotionally spent, but Billy brought me back and gave me a purpose. After that, I dedicated my life to save and protect our tribe."

Harry then asked, "What is the timeline after noticing the growth spurt, mood swings, and fever?"

Sam looked at me and said, "If Change and rage are near, within one to two weeks."

I asked, "Did you have nightmares, vivid dreams, and illusions of sounds?"

He looked at me and said, "If you have these symptoms, then you are one incident away from a blown-out rage and change."

I asked, "What do you mean by change?"

Sam said, "We cannot tell you. It is only after the change that we can tell you other details. Even if I tell you now, you will neither believe it nor be able to prepare for it."

Harry asked, "What can you tell us?"

Sam said, looking at Harry, "Don't be in a closed space with her and always keep your distance. If she gets angry, move away from her without her noticing you and call me, Jacob, or Seth. If she notices or you are the source of her anger, look down, keep your hand by your side, and cower. For her, you can do nothing to avoid it."

Then, looking at me, he said, "You will feel pain greater than ever, like a limb torn from your joint."

Harry gripped the glass tightly, Billy looked tired and sad. And Sam…..

When I looked at him in the eyes, I understood that he was confirming to me that it is an inevitable change, and I can't walk away from this even after the rage episode.

I asked him, "After this, I can't move away from this place, right?"

Billy winced.

Sam said, "If you are more stable after the change, you wouldn't think of leaving. If you are unstable, you may get slight relief moving away from here, but you will return. That is my belief."

I asked, "What about Leah?"

Sam winced and said, "When the tribe calls, she will come back."

We spent some time in silence, and then I noticed an envelope in Billy's hand.

I asked Billy, "Why did you come here? And you look tired, Billy. You should have taken some rest after yesterday's long journey."

Billy looked at me and at the paper in his hand. He was hesitant to show me.

I asked Billy, "What is it?"

Billy took a long breath and said, "I wanted to give you my tribal inheritance, and I want to give you the paper showing you are my child. I called the doctor and told him to send your DNA test result, and I went to the lab and gave my blood to compare, and this paper is the result."

I looked at the paper he had given me, and it clearly mentioned father and daughter.

I nodded and smiled

And asked him, "What is in the second envelope?"

Billy was about to speak, but he stopped and gave me the paper. Inside the envelope was an animal skin, thin like paper and washed white in color. On that paper, written using red ink, it read:

"Max Stellar (naming ceremony to be done), daughter of William Black Junior (Tribal name 'Qwul'q'utsun Tla'yai'), became a member of the Quileute ('Qwul'q'utsun') on this date (Proof of parentage is attached).

As per council's unanimous decision, she is given the following inheritance and allowances: access to the tribe's land and resources for personal and communal use, a house built by the tribe for her and her family, a monthly allowance for living expenses, and a yearly allowance for personal needs. May she honor her heritage and contribute to the betterment of the tribe."

As I hugged Billy, tears streamed down my face. It was overwhelming to finally know the truth about my parentage and to be officially recognized as a member of the Quileute tribe. I looked at the animal skin paper in my hand, the proof of my newfound identity.

Harry read the paper in my hand as I showed it to him. He looked at me with a mixture of surprise and joy, and he hugged me tightly. It was clear that this news meant a lot to him too.

But our moment was interrupted when Sam cleared his throat.

He asked "Do you want me to continue the wall you proposed? Billy informed me of this before that is why I delayed it."

I replied" You continue wall and will you be doing the building inside the reserve?"

He replied "I am "

I nodded, "Yes, please continue. And will you be building it inside the reserve?"

"I am," he replied.

I continued, "Can you make the building with a similar structure on the inside but on the outside, it doesn't have to stand out?"

Sam hesitated, "The budget of the tribe is less, so I may have to ask the tribe."

"Don't worry about that," I said reassuringly. "I will use my own money besides the money from the tribe."

Harry spoke up, "Why Mom? We can use our own money. Why should we take the tribe's?"

I looked at Billy, then back at Harry. "That house should have some tribe's contribution because it is from your grandfather. It's important to honor our heritage and community," I explained.

Everyone seemed to agree, and we continued to talk and plan for the future, with a newfound sense of connection and belonging.