Chapter 13 Memories

Well of course we have a lot going on right now. My best friend getting married come March. Then I found love with a women I think is perfect for me but I got this person on my mind. Its crazy when you can love somebody but you also in love with somebody else at the same time.

I always seen myself with somebody that's just like me or close to what I want in a mate. But some how I found myself in a twine with two people. Its crazy but you know God don't make mistakes. But I know in life things happen for a reason but this reason got me in a lost for words with these two.

Erica, what's up Karen? Who got your heart the most? Maya has my heart but Tonya has both because she stays on my mind just as well as Maya does. I sat in talk to my best friend Karen I can not imagine my life without the both of them. I already told one that the other have my child so she gone be here no matter what.

I have so many good memories with Tonya. But I also have history with Maya in I love the way she holds me when we talking or watching tv. I love the way we cuddle at night or we watch movies with each other. I miss the days we had before she left me in went away for years.

I'm not gone lie she makes me feel safe in her presents. Maya always give me that nervous feeling when I'm around her she make me feel loved. But Tonya we always shared this special moment with each other. She always let me be myself round her. We smoke, cuddle and watch movies together. I miss those moments we spend together with each other.

I love the way she held me and I held her if only I knew what I know now I wouldn't be in this position. I feel like this one song I wish I wasn't by heather. I told my best friend Karen if only I knew who could have my all. But Maya is the one who wants the best in life and I think she can get that out of me.

Erica Maya gone be the wifey of yours? Yeah I think she really want the best in me to come out in stop hiding. Why won't you'll just become one? Erica. I don't don't think she's ready to be tied down yet. In Karen I don't think I'm ready yet to just to settle until I know it's real. Erica as a friend I would of told you to let her go if she's no good but Maya is what makes you happy I see it every time you round her.

I know Karen she always makes me happy in she always make sure everything is all good. I don't know Karen but I'll let everything fall in place where they belong. Of course as the weeks go by I haven't been speaking to Tonya like that unless we on the book. I been having dreams about her and my God baby and my other babies.

I love them with all my heart I have grown close to all of my babies. The month coming close she's getting ready to have my God son soon and I'm excited because I will be able to see him. As I get ready to close my night I talk to my girl Maya. Erica says Maya. Yes bae how may I help you love? Yes we need to have a face to face talk with each other about this relationship.

Okay I'm good with that so when you come available to talk hit me up Maya. Okay Erica because I need to know if you real about us being together or if we need to be just friends. As the night grew late we talked about us being together in what we expect from each other. The day came to a end. I love to hear her voice before I close my eyes every night.

I got a message from Karen. Hey Erica I need a favor from you tomorrow? What's up Karen what you need done. I need for you to handle some thing for me and this wedding. Okay so what I need to do? Can you have your friend rider to call me about the food I'm serving.

I hoped on it ASAP for my best friend anything for thing for this chick right here. Karen what all we having at the wedding for the reception and stuff. She told me what's all on the list of things that's going to be served at the wedding reception. Man I am so excited because I get to wear a tuxedo in the wedding.

Imma be handsome. I really wish I could bring my girl but I don't want to mess up her work schedule. I was thinking about certain things I can't wait to become hers and I know she can't wait to become mines. But you know I still got love for Tonya also I hate that I have so many memories with both women.

Both are amazing women but one will make in amazing wife to somebody else just not this chick here. I sit in think about all the good times we had I'm gone miss them but it's time I move forward with my life. I want to be with my lover in our own space together having our fun times together making new memories.

So out of no where I get a message from a old time friend Chris. Hey how are you doing Erica? Mouth drops I'm fine in your self? I'm good just living life to the fullest. Again I'm in shock haven't talk to Chris since 2009 so of course I'm shocked. We talked he was doing mighty fine with him self but still messy as ever.

We got ready to hang up I get a call from my soon to be girl aka wifey Maya. Good night my love I love you sweet dreams. Same to you my wife so of course we do a prayer together before we lay our head down to rest. We laid in prayed she made a request for us to be better together and I agree we become greater together.

I lay here I thank God he has made me into an angle of his. I have became a stronger women. Before I laid I pray for everyone around me and in my life. I pray that my friends and family stay covered in his blood even when they leave here in the morning for work or school he covers in bring them safely.

I know he anointed me for a reason to send messages and help those who are not able. In I make it my business to get his word out to that individual even if I'm busy he will pause me in tell me to deliver that message in I will. I have came a long way in my beliefs with God on my side. If it's not him then it's nobody he comes first in all situations and even on my good days he still gets praise.

I have grown in my beliefs in I'm proud that I have became the women he made me to be. Like Karen say if it's not God then it's nobody in I agree he makes the wait worth it. But this next week is the test I was waiting to see how strong my faith really is.