Chapter Twenty-three

She was standing in the doorway, her cloak wrapped around her, her eyes staring out into the yard without seeing. She was so cold, so cold her teeth were banging together, so cold she could pretend that her eyes were not wet from sadness. It wouldn't be long now before it was dark. and then she could put them to bed and she wouldn't have to fight to keep that smile on her face or her shoulders from sinking.

"Are you alright, Enid?" Tyr asked, and she turned to him, that warmth in his eyes not reaching her or that emptiness she felt so deep down in her chest.

"Yes," she smiled.

"Why are you lying?" he asked. "You've been like this for days now."

"I'm not lying, Tyr," she said, turning back to watch the yard. "Can you go bring the animals in?"

"No, put them in the back room tonight," Freya said, sighing and huffing as she heaved the basin in front of the fire.

Enid watched her a moment before picking up a pail of warm water and helping Freya fill the basin. Some part of her felt better for having something to do, some part of her just wanted to crawl into her cot and sleep as she held her hands out to Freya, waiting for her clothes, but the girl shook her head.

"Hurry up, Tyr," Freya said. "And take Frigga to bed with you." Enid turned, watching Tyr race from the room with her forehead lining in a slight crease, and when she looked back at Freya she was holding out her hands, a soft smile curling at her lips. "You stink, Enid."

Enid looked down, eyeing her skirts and sniffing her chest before she looked back at Freya. "No, I don't," she said.

"No, you don't," Freya smiled. "But this is for you anyway," she kicked at the basin and it took Enid a moment before she sighed, a moment where she watched the steam wafting from the water, a moment she could almost feel it on her skin.

She did want it and she did want it to warm so much more than just her body. She sighed again, slipping out of her cloak and handing it to Freya, and before she knew it, she was half-sighing, half-hissing as she felt the sting of hot water hit her calves, and then she was in. Enid closed her eyes, cupping that water against her cheeks and wiping it from her eyes, and finally those tears fell, running down her cheeks and landing in the water.

"Ready?" Freya asked, and Enid turned to her, seeing that pail in her hands and nodding.

She gasped as the water hit her, a gasp that turned into a sigh as she sank a little lower and felt Freya run the comb through her hair. How long had it been since someone had done that for her? Many years, maybe not since her own mother had died. She was about to tell Freya that, about to ease a bit of that heaviness in her heart when Tyr came crashing back into the room, his eyes light and bright, a sly smirk on his face. Enid yelped, covering herself with her arms and sinking as low as she could in the basin, but nothing could save her from him.

"There!" he shouted, tossing a cup of cold water right at her face. "Now we're even!" She gasped, for a moment feeling only blind horror before she cupped a handful of water and threw it at him, but Tyr only laughed, sweeping Frigga up over his shoulder and leaping up into the loft. "Too slow, Enid!" he shouted, sticking his head out from the curtain and laughing.

"You little-!" Enid began, but soon the room went cold.

Ivar closed the door behind him, throwing the room into a heavy silence as they all turned to look at him, and Enid curled up, hiding herself behind her knees and tearing her eyes away to stare at her feet through the water. It hurt, it hurt just to see him, it hurt just to have him there and have those words ring in her ears all over again.

"Whatever you said, far, take it back," Freya said, reaching for Enid's hair and running the comb through it.

"Take it back," Tyr added from the loft, and Enid felt the weight of his eyes as they fell on her.

She wanted to leave then, she wanted to tell the children to be quiet, but suddenly she had no voice. Ivar grunted, walking to the table and pouring himself a cup of mead as he sat.

"I won't," he said.

Enid felt Freya move, saw her pointing the comb at Ivar and say, "Take it back."

"No," Ivar said, and Freya kept him there for a moment, still pointing the comb at him before she sighed and went back to brushing Enid's hair.

"Whatever he said, don't listen to him, Enid," she said.

"Enough, Freya." Ivar snapped, and Enid felt Freya stiffen, felt her fingers pull at her hair almost too harshly, but then Freya tutted, then she scuffed her heel on the floor and went back to brushing.

"Go away, Tyr," she said finally.

"But I-,"

"Go away!" Freya snapped. "Give her some space," she said a little softer, but Tyr laughed, putting his chin in his hand and staring straight at Enid.

"Why?" he asked. "Are you shy, Enid?"

For a moment she wanted to splash him again, she almost found herself tearing up that ladder to tease him, but then she shook her head.

"Where I come from a woman can only show herself to her husband," she said, and Tyr laughed again, slapping his hand down on the floor of the loft before he suddenly went quiet.

"You're not joking!" he gasped. "What a stupid rule, who cares who sees you!"

"Enough, Tyr," Freya sighed, grabbing a cup and tossing it at him. "Go to bed."

"Fine…" Tyr sighed, ducking his head under the curtain. "But there's nothing wrong with you, Enid. You could be naked in front of anyone!"

"Tyr!" Enid shouted, and she heard him laugh as she sank a little lower, hiding herself in the water and feeling the heat rise to her cheeks.

"Don't listen to him, Enid," Freya sighed, and Enid wanted to argue, she wanted to tell Freya that this was wrong and she should get out, but then she felt Freya's fingers in her hair, twisting and pulling the hair along the sides of her head into thin braids, and it felt so good.

Enid fought it, that warmth she felt seeping back into her heart, that softness that smoothed the stiffness in her spine. She had to, Freya wasn't hers, Freya could be ripped and torn away from her all over again and this time Enid wouldn't survive it.

"There," Freya smiled. "You almost look like one of us now."

It took Enid a moment to find her voice, to hold back those tears and to whisper, "Thank you."

She eyed Ivar at the table, not knowing how she could slip out without him seeing, not trusting in her knees to not give out from under her if she tried.

"Sit, sit," Freya nodded, moving her stool around so she could look at Enid and put her feet up by the fire. "It's nice, isn't it? Wait until the water goes cold at least," Freya stretched, smiling to herself and resting her hands behind her head. "So what about sex?" she asked, and Enid gasped, gritting her teeth together and staring up at the girl with eyes that were big and wide.

"What do you mean?" she breathed.

"Well, if a man can't see you naked until you're married, then how do you have sex?"

"Freya! Oh, good God!" Enid stammered. "You don't, you only do that with your husband."

"So you've never done it?" Freya asked, her head tilting to the side.

"Of course, not! It's a sin. I couldn't do that!"

Freya watched her closely, her eyes unblinking, dangerously close to the way her father had studied Enid before, but then Freya smiled, laughing and holding her hand to her lips.

"You're so silly sometimes, Enid," she said. "The gods don't care about things like that. Your life must have been so horrible before you came here."

"It wasn't…" Enid said. "Don't say things like that, Freya."

"Why not?" Freya asked. "What could you do before? You couldn't fight or have fun-,"

"What can I do now?" Enid cut in.

"Maybe not everything, it's true," Freya nodded. "But our gods won't punish you just for that, Enid, and they don't care about who sees you naked either. It seems to me like your Christ-god has nothing better to do than to give you all stupid rules."

"Freya!" Enid snapped. "You can't say things like that. It's not right! You'll go to Hell and-,"

"No, I won't," Freya said. "If the gods allow, then I'll go to Valhalla and my friends and my family will all be waiting there for me. And we will spend all day fighting and in the evening we'll have great feasts and sit with the gods themselves to drink. So why would the gods punish us for doing all of that here and now?"

Enid stared at her, her heart hammering in her chest, her stomach sinking with horror, and she could think of nothing to say, nothing that could turn this child away from sins and from losing her soul.

"You can't…" was all Enid could manage, and Freya laughed softly, taking her feet down from the fire and leaning forward.

"It's alright, Enid, I didn't mean to scare you. It's just sometimes you get so upset over nothing."

"It's not nothing to me, Freya," Enid said. "It's like when I don't understand something about your gods or your ways. It doesn't make it less important to you, does it? You still believe what you believe whether I understand it or not."

"Hmmm…" Freya hummed, rubbing her chin and staring into the flames. "That makes sense," she nodded. "But you have to admit that there's nothing wrong with being naked."

"Oh, God, Freya, stop please!" Enid sighed, covering her face with her palms and sinking in the water, and Freya laughed again, reaching for a cloth and holding it up to Enid.

"Alright, alright…" she said. "I won't tell your God that I've seen you naked… unless you want to make me your husband just to be sure!"