Grey Eyes

I got ready and changed into new clothes. A few days in patient clothes, made Doctor Karl concerned about me. Not just him, I also feel concerned about my own condition. Hoping Clara's arrival could give me strength, just the opposite. She left and to this day she hasn't contacted me, let alone come back.

Finally all my needs became the burden of Doctor Karl. He decided to buy some comfortable clothes for me. Of course I don't want to take it for granted. I asked him to include it in my bill later. My debit card is still being filled every month smoothly. Even if my father asks me where I spent the money, I have many answers. I certainly wouldn't have told him that his only child had a ridiculous disease.

"Are you ready?" asked Doctor Karl-who appeared in the doorway with a cup of coffee and juice in his other hand. He then handed me the juice. "That's beetroot juice, drink it, so that your body is fresher."

Not much to ask, I immediately downed the contents of the glass until there was nothing left. "Thank You."

He then sat on the side of the bed, right next to me.

"Thanks for all your attention these past few days. You're neglecting your own life," I said, earnestly. He laughed wryly.

"What should I say? I really didn't want to do this for you."

The sentence he just said frankly seemed to hit me, who was already moved by his attitude. However, I chose not to respond, wishing he had other words to clarify what he had said earlier.

And indeed, he then continued, "but somehow I can't just leave you. There's something that has stuck me around you these few days."

This time I was speechless. I'm trying to translate myself what he means but I'm afraid if I'm wrong. Even looking at him like I don't have the guts.

"Even though I know you have friends and people who can accompany you, give you strength, but in fact I can't afford to leave." He sighed, then got up.

"Come on! It's time for us to go to Doctor Armando's room. Don't be too late, we won't be in line. He's very busy today." He helped me into the wheelchair and gently pushed it out of the room.

Doctor Armando examined me as usual. Then write down the recipe, because today he let me go home. Only, Doctor Karl insisted on keeping me in the clinic for further treatment.

"There's no one to take care of you, so you'd better stay in the clinic until you're fully recovered. I insist."

I just shrugged. If he already said 'I insist' then what can I say? Whatever the reason, I will eventually lead to an agreement. Like it or not. He's right anyway, I can't count on anyone in these conditions.

"That means after this I will be broke," I joked while laughing wryly. He frowned, not understanding what I was saying.

"If I live in your clinic everyday, how much do I have to pay for it, Doc? I haven't even worked yet, all the money I have is the work of my parents."

"Money matters, think about it later. What matters is your condition. I also know you're not a woman who wants to get something for free."

He opened the car door then helped me up. Only then he did jog to the driver's door. He helped me put on the seat belt, then drove slowly through the busy streets of other passing vehicles.

"Doc," I called. He answered with a sigh. "Once again, thank you."

He turned to me, looked at me with his shady gray eyes then smiled as he nodded. I smiled back at him and then cast my gaze forward.

***

Just as the nurse helped me into the clinic bed, there was a voice call from Blake. I didn't even feel too excited to receive a call from him. No, compared to yesterday or the previous days. His disappearance for a few days left me thinking a lot. So far only Doctor Karl has been with me during difficult times, while Blake, didn't even answer when I called.

I ignored the call. Too weak to respond to anything, be it unpleasant or otherwise. I prefer to close my eyes now. My body feels a bit tired, even though it's only been a few minutes of traveling.

Check!

Before closing my eyes, Doctor Karl came into my room with lunch menu. Why is he so cute? Besides it wasn't his responsibility to carry everything I needed because he had several nurses to do it.

"I brought you lunch."

I know, Doc. It's been a while since you saw what you're carrying. Why are you being this awkward?

"Thank you. You don't have to do it yourself, there's a nurse who can bring it all for me," I replied which made him embarrassed. Seen from the way he adjusted his glasses and scratched the back of his neck—which I'm sure doesn't itch.

"Uhm, just wanted to check on your condition," he explained. I smiled at the change in the man's facial expression.

"I'm fine, my body is better and ready to drink the drugs prescribed by Doctor Armando," I answered. He nodded in understanding. "What's not good is my heart."

Hearing my story, he took a chair and sat beside the bed, ready to listen if I wanted to tell him. I sighed, between relief and unburdenedness. It was a relief because I was released from the hospital, which meant I was also out of a critical period, it was just a matter of continuing the treatment and further treatment. What's more, I'm in good hands, so there's nothing to worry about.

But on the other hand, there is a burden that I cannot understand. About many things. All mixed together like a tangled thread.

"You can tell me, maybe it will make you relieved." He leaned over, ready to listen to my every word.

"I know. You're the only one here right now willing to listen." I smile. "I just feel uneasy. I don't know why."

"Are you afraid because of your illness?" He asked. I nodded slowly.

"Yeah, at first. But then I realized I'm on a good hand. Just, I don't know."

He nodded in understanding.

"Doctor Karl," I called, looking at the man's handsome face. It doesn't mean anything, he's really handsome. So, there's nothing wrong with admitting that, right?

"Just call me Ryan if it's just the two of us." He looked at me meaningfully. I don't know what that look means, but I agree with his request.

"Okay, Ryan. Sounds better." My laugh was followed by the same chuckle.

"... have you ever felt in love with someone, but didn't get the same thing? Until finally you were tired of giving the same level of love as before, then prefer to just keep that feeling that maybe you can give to someone who right," I continued.

He snorted, more like a bitter laugh.

"Right now I'm feeling it. But looking for the right person to accept that feeling, I don't know ...." he replied. He turned to me.

"You, still single and have a lot of time to choose. Choose the right man, who can give you as much happiness as you need, give you more love than you give. Regret never comes in the first place."

This time it was my turn to stare at his gray irises. There was something there that I hadn't seen him in some time before. Is Doctor Karl talking about himself? Who does he mean? Is he wounded ?

He didn't budge, looking down as if he wouldn't let me break through his heart through his eyes. I wanted, really wanted to read what he was feeling right now, wanted to recognize the pain he was holding. However, with his current attitude, it seemed like he couldn't.

It was clear he didn't want anyone to read it, or even know how he felt. However, I'm very curious and will find out about it, sooner or later.

***