IX

Today we will focus on heart problems, but not entirely medical ones, i.e. how to get into a wife and how to save a marriage, in addition to someone else's.

In addition to the fact that in July we have more work (because half of the doctors are on vacation, and disease patients do not take holidays), we also have some fun combined with fear. Medical students come to us for summer internships after one year of study. The heart grows looking at them, and then the fear of getting sick when such doctors grow out of them ... like ourselves ...

A friend once compared that looking at their exploits is from Russian: eto kak tigra jebat ... and it is sad and scary ...

I have one that I tire of describing ECG recordings during exercise tests. I toss him various pieces of tape, various larger and smaller cases, weaving regular cases into them from time to time. Let him learn! Today I gave him a special case - as it turned out later:

During the stress test, for a few seconds the patient accidentally disconnected the electrodes during recording, so on one of the next "canvases" of continuous recording instead of normal heart beats there is only a flat line known to all lovers of medical series from cardiac arrest. In turn the very "arrest" in every description is invariably associated with an immediate death.

Of course, in this patient, a few seconds later, the record was reconnected and everything was saved normally. Frankly speaking, I did not even pay attention to this break, concentrating on the pieces in which something was actually happening to the patient. The more I was surprised by the description of the young Medi knight (not to be confused with the Jedi), which read:

The patient stopped in the fifth minute of the stress test, possibly to catch his breath.

Funny or scary ?? Or maybe it's just Monday .....

* * * * *

Doctors actually have a sad life. Hard and responsible work, what is the money, everyone knows, and no wonder that the corruption in this profession (apparently !! I personally don't know anything about it !!) is huge. At home, no better, constant lack of understanding. The patients' gratitude remains, however, expressed in various ways, and often their memory of our face, full of concentration, bent over the hospital bed and its contents in these difficult moments ...

A few weeks ago an unusual group appeared on duty. Four Daughters of Aphrodite, very scantily dressed (short skirts and petticoats - the heat is finally here, they are too hot ...) brought me their (I think) Alphonsus to the Emergency Room. Immediately there was a sharp increase in the disability of male patients in the waiting room, because every now and then one would throw to the floor to pick up something that had just fallen by accident. And because it was accompanied by shooting in the cross (bending down) and in the neck (from the simultaneous involuntary looking to the side and up) I felt for a moment like in a war (one grandfather added the color, who, after he "got down", couldn't do it anymore "rise" and with the face of satire he looked from the floor at the lady with a slightly sticking out tongue - oh this Parkinson's disease ...).

Another observable feature was the sudden stoning of the hearts of so far caring wives and caregivers, combined with a sharp pursing of the lips and reddening of the face. The said grandfather was finally picked up by two tits (nurses-interns), even though his wife was sitting on the chair next to him. After a short examination of the situation and sober analysis, I found that if I leave this product among cardiological standards, I will have an emergency room in the waiting room in a moment (and maybe some spout will happen in the event of a sudden pressure jump?). So I took everyone to the treatment. As soon as the door closed behind us, the guy passed out. The next hour was spent holding the struggling soul in that body. It was very difficult for us to undress the guy from his clothes and a harness made of tombac, but here the unexpected help was provided by Daughter Aphrodite, who efficiently and with great joy chapters of her Boss.

So I was left to observe (and sincerely admire !!) the skill presented in opening a guy, and (this is of course casually, out of the corner of my eye and completely unknowingly) the so-called charms presented at the tilts and releases. Interestingly, my two nurses were also looking at the ladies with obvious envy (maybe they would also like to be better prepared for the profession)

When the guy was naked, I could finally get to the action and as I mentioned I was torturing the guy for over an hour. The young ladies were locked in the break room in order not to provoke acute coronary syndromes among "normal" patients.

Since everybody asks me about it, I will say clearly: Alphonsus SURVIVED

So I ended up with effusive (Absolut Kurant) thanks, handing out a business card (first visit for free !!) and kisses from the ladies (they were pretty, quite young so I had no heart to defend myself)

It's been a few weeks .....

A walk around the Krakow plantations. Fully family. My wife and I with the child, my parents, mother-in-law, friend of the house in the person of a Krakow priest (whom I personally hate - I suspect with secret reciprocity). Heat and idyll. Birds are chirping, pigeons are asking for food more and more intrusively, Romanians are trying to outdo each other in asking with pigeons. Suddenly I hear from a distance - I can hardly recognize them, but still these four ladies on duty (I would add that it was possible to guess who they are by their appearance) are tearing into half the plantings:

"Good morning doctor! Welcome doctor! You remember us ?! You were a wonderful doctor! We will never forget you! You are one of a kind! You gave your all!" etc., etc.

Family

Priest

Wife

Everyone except my daughter looked at me deeply.

I didn't even want to say that this is my profession and that I work hard ... Even quiet nights will not be ... It will be a tomb ... The one with a heavy marble slab on the chest ...

* * * * *

I am a dedicated and willing nurse. A real treasure! I should basically write I was supposed to. She broke her leg this morning on the stairs at the clinic. Before my eyes.

I ran, I helped, we transported her to an empty bed. And here's the problem - what next? our hospital does not have a traumatological and plaster base.

A friend of mine, a happy owner of her first mobile phone for a month, said - I will call you home. My husband is off today, let him come pick me up.

Is calling. You can see at once that she has not mastered the art of the telephone book yet because she dials it by hand. A moment of silence. Then she farted "sorry mistake" and hangs up, telling us that she dialed the wrong number because of her nervousness.

He calls again. This time checking the number stamped on the "cell". A second later I don't recognize my friend. With a cry, "You f * ck what are you doing in my house at 10am!" It is a shock and a traumatic one. I take the phone from her hands, disconnecting the conversation, I ask what's up?

She cries that at her house at 10 a.m. some strange woman answers the phone, her husband is cheating on her - he was supposed to be at home all day - now she knows what she deserved, she always launches his socks, works shirts, gives a lot of money etc. etc.

I felt sorry for my friends. I offered to call me and try to talk my husband out of the phone (I was hoping he would be able to). She agreed. I pick up the phone and turn on "redial". And here it dawned on me!

The code to Krakow is 12, not 22

This is how I saved my marriage!