III

If you enter the office and see a very smiling doctor, perhaps he has just witnessed the following stories ...

The doctor's office is usually crowded like a can of sardines. Each of us has little space for ourselves, which is why it often happens that we leave our belongings on every free square centimeter. Also cell phones, which somehow don't even go missing.

Yesterday, one of the shouts, a shitty, shitty quack had a "great" idea to make me a "hilarious" joke. One jerk uploaded an mp3 ringtone to my phone and connected it to one number (so that it only played when someone called from our duty room). I don't know when exactly he did it, but the bastard had to wait for the right moment.

This moment came yesterday when I was asked to see Mrs. Docent for a working meeting and another Mrs. Docent. The door had scarcely closed behind me and I sat down all stressed out in the company of both ladies when my phone tore with Chet's voice from "From Dusk till Dawn"

ALL RIGHT, PUSSY !! PUSSY !! COME'N PUSSY LOVERS !! WE HAVE THE BEST SELECTIONS OF PUSSIES !! THIS IS A PUSSY BLOW-OUT !!

Let us lower the veil of silence on what was happening in the office. Someday I will repay him ...

* * *

A 48-year-old patient came to us, a staunch feminist with a huge breast falling down on both sides to the belly button. As a feminist, so obviously without a bra. So the standard command to undress to the waist for the examination caused some consternation among staff of both genders. We thought for a long time how to stick the electrodes to make them swing during exercise ... so that there would be no disturbances and the ECG recording was the best.

The test went without complications, the patient was happy, we were also already after, when suddenly the door to the men's waiting room opens and a completely undressed guy, about thirty years old, of bodybuilding build (not a gym, but rather a construction and agricultural type) stands in it. From the first glance, I realized that all the nurses were gasping because of sudden drooling, and if I did not react immediately, there would be a murder that would take care of him. So I stepped forward two steps, asking why he had undressed completely and what he was doing here. The guy looked at the feminist behind us and managed to say:

- Yeah, I'm ready ... for the effort.

I looked down a bit. He was actually ready.

* * *

At that time, and it was in the sixth year of studies, we had the unquestionable pleasure of a month-long internship at the Surgery Clinic. In addition to the belief that working as a doctor is a profession that should be performed in the outfit of a hockey goalkeeper in order to protect patients from various "excesses", we have learned from there a lot of information about the weaknesses of human nature.

One late evening a gentleman, about fifty, showed up at the Emergency Room, wearing a tuxedo, gold cufflinks, shoes that you could look at, and smelled of very expensive colognes. During the registration, the man asked for a quick surgical consultation with a steady, polite, but unbearable voice. Because he looked refined (which was definitely different from most nocturnal surgical-trauma patients), the recorder, seeing the reddened face that did not indicate alcohol intoxication, accelerated the admission of the patient.

The Lord entered the office in which we were staying with the step of the Cowboy entering the Saloon, so in a stiff step, legs bent at the knees and a characteristic pose indicating the long stay of the saddle between the legs. He immediately told us that the whole thing made him very embarrassed and begged us to be serious and understand the situation in which he found himself. He also refused to take a seat in the chair. Then he asked, dragging the lips a bit and picking the place quite wide (for a standing position) with his legs apart:

- I bought myself a vibrator. I know what the gentlemen will think, but I just wanted to massage my hemorrhoids.

"I understand," said the doctor, "and what happened?" Bleeding?

- No, Doctor. Well, during the massage, the vibrator escaped me and fell a little deeper. And to tell you the truth, it's still there. (here the Lord made a face on the verge of shame and ecstasy)

As we were students, and at the time of systemic transformations and the entry of capitalism into Polish markets, our eyes widened, but the doctor comprehendedly asked you to leave the lower garment and take the knee-elbow position.

From the spot it was obvious that only a few millimeters of the device protruded from the known place, but the doctor, being of good cheer, rolled up his sleeves, put on gloves and made an attempt to remove the foreign body. Unfortunately, it was quite an advanced model, responding to touch, and when the doctor took it by the tip, accompanied by the accompaniment of "bless you" and the patient's groan (pleasure ??), it slipped a little deeper.

For the second approach (already slightly choking with laughter) we approached with a series of surgical organs used to open the surgical wounds. In addition to another "god bless" and another patient sigh, we got a further deepening of the problem.

For the third approach, we consulted gynecologists from the neighboring clinic who (at our express request) came with labor forceps. Managed to.

Gynecologists said it was the most difficult childbirth in their lives. The "baby" was retrieved in a state of extreme (battery) exhaustion. Father was exhausted too, but happy.

continued