2. First Blush

"Mum! Baby Zandra needs you. She's wet the bed again!"

Zandra blushed furiously and wished she could just disappear when she heard her brother yelling. She was still frantically trying to get her blanket opened out so that it would hide the large wet spot on her sheets, but it was obvious now that he'd seen everything. She should have known that from the first moment she woke up. She gave up on her futile quest and sat still, her heart pounding in her chest, her face burning with humiliation. She hated that this had happened; she was nineteen now, but this would only give her big brother more ammunition to tease her. At least last time she'd been able to get Mum's help before Jay awoke.

Her mum appeared in the doorway just a few minutes later, giving a resigned sigh at the sight of the wet bed. "Again?" she muttered, but she quickly gave Zandra a sympathetic look, and then pushed the frustration out of her voice to say gently. "Oh, darling, don't worry, I'll help you clean up."

"I'm sorry," Zandra shook her head, her voice barely a whisper as she desperately tried to imagine that this wasn't such a big deal. "I don't know what happened. I'm fine, I can do it myself."

"No," her mum said firmly, "we need to get everything cleaned quickly in order to keep the mattress from staining. Go and put your pyjamas in the laundry hamper and take a shower while I take care of this. I'll put the washing on, and we'll get your bed sorted out in no time."

Zandra blushed and opened her mouth to argue, but she realised that she still had no idea how to go about washing something as large as her mattress. She hesitated, her pride warring with her humiliation. She didn't want to be taken care of like some helpless baby; she was already feeling like everybody was looking down on her because of the whole delayed graduation business. But she knew she couldn't just lie there in wet clothes. Reluctantly, she got out of bed with the blanket held in front of her, hoping that her shame would somehow be diminished if nobody actually saw the wet clothes. Then she reached for her dressing gown, pulling it over her shoulders but holding it out like a tiny tent so the thick fabric wasn't actually touching her wet nightclothes.

"Don't worry, honey," her mum tried to reassure her as she started to tug the sheets off the bed. "It could happen to anybody. It's not a big deal." And she almost managed to keep that hint of condescension out of her voice; the little tone that told Zandra that Mum couldn't really respect her as an adult yet.

"I'm almost an adult," Zandra whimpered, wishing that the evidence supported her claim a little more strongly.

"That's why you need another two years in high school," Jay said with a huge smirk on his face. "Maybe by then you won't be such a little baby. Still in a school uniform, maybe it's a hint you need to be back in nappies. Or will they not let you graduate until you can keep your pants dry?"

Zandra's face went red again at that thought. She opened her mouth to blurt out that she was too big for nappies now, but she wasn't even sure if that was true. She was the shortest person in any of her classes, that was for sure, and actually the shortest person she knew other than Jay himself. They'd both been unlucky in the lottery of DNA, but whatever ill-fated dice had resulted in Zandra inheriting her dad's shortass gene, Jay had rolled a double. Maybe that was why he liked to call her a baby; perhaps he needed to feel superior to her in some way.

Anyway, as a petite nineteen-year-old, one of the latest generation of what the media were calling 'adulteens', Zandra was probably only the same size as the largest kids half her age. So maybe that she could squeeze into. Or… she thought about how crazy fashion had gotten in the last few years; the people who'd rebelled against being forced to remain at school by dressing like little kids again, leading to a trend for onesies and tutus. She wouldn't be surprised if some of them even wore nappies to enhance their image. So… she couldn't say there was no way she would even fit in one. And instead, she just stood there with her mouth open, fishing for the right words.

Zandra felt her cheeks burning even hotter, but she refused to let him get to her. "Shut up, Jay," she snapped, her voice trembling with anger and embarrassment, and the first words in her defence that came to mind: "It's not my fault. I won't let it happen again."

"Aww, poor baby," Jay said, his voice dripping with condescension. "I've barely been back from uni a month, and that's already the third time. You're turning into a regular little pottypants."

Zandra was taken aback, and she knew that she was blushing more than ever now. She'd tried so hard to keep everyone from knowing, and the last time she was sure that she'd managed to ask Mum for help without waking her brother. Had her parents told him, after she begged them not to? She didn't know what she could say, but this time she didn't need to utter a word. Jay had crossed an invisible line.

"That is not fair, Jay," their mum stepped in to defend her daughter now it was clear that Zandra was on the verge of tears. "Three times is not a pattern. And that is the only three times. She's been dry for years now."

Zandra swallowed and allowed herself to feel just a little comforted by that statement, although she had to correct it in her mind. She'd had a bedwetting problem for years longer than any of her friends, and they'd even seen a doctor to make sure that it wasn't a sign of some deeper medical problem. But that had all stopped when she was fourteen, so why should it be starting again now?

"Oh?" Jay laughed. "I guess I don't remember the big party last Christmas, desperately moving all the bedding around to make sure everyone has somewhere dry to sleep before the whole extended family descends on us? I'm pretty sure somebody wet the bed then. Or was that just a crazy nightmare?"

"That was a one off," Mum snapped, making it clear that the conversation was over. But her voice also showed a weariness that reminded Zandra how early in the day it was. Her mum was already up, arguing with Jay, and washing the sheets; at a time when the sun was barely over the horizon outside and they wouldn't normally have been awake for an hour. "Our routine was disrupted, and she was under a lot of stress. And now is not the time to be teasing."

Zandra blushed again, and told herself that Mum was right. Since she was fourteen, she'd woken to wet sheets once or twice, maybe three times a year. And that was always when she had something to be really stressed about, like family gatherings or major exams. Were the recent changes in the law really getting to her that much? She promised herself that she would start taking better care of herself, whatever that meant, to make sure that it didn't happen again.

Jay shook his head and walked away, and then Zandra hurried to the bathroom. She tried to push her worries to the back of her mind, and peeled off the wet pyjamas that were sticking to her skin. She felt disgusted with herself as she held the sodden fabric and noticed the faint smell of pee, and a part of her wondered if she really was a baby on some level. But she didn't want to think about that now; she needed to be clean. She threw the bundle of wet fabric through the bathroom door into the laundry basket, confident that Mum would have taken them to wash before she was out of the shower.

Then she could turn the shower on and step into the hot spray, just hoping that it would help her to feel clean again. Steam billowed around her, enveloping her in a warm embrace. She adjusted the faucet, letting the hot water cascade down her body, wiping away the lingering traces of Jay's cruel words and the remnants of her own tears. The heat seeped into her pores, easing the tension in her muscles, calming her racing heart. She closed her eyes, letting the water wash over her, washing away the shame and humiliation that had started the morning.

As the minutes passed, Zandra's breathing deepened, her shoulders relaxed, and a sense of peace began to wash over her. She had always found comfort in the shower, the steady rhythm of the water lulling her into a state of tranquillity. Today, the shower was more than just a place to wash away dirt and sweat; it was a sanctuary, a place where she could escape the harsh realities of her life.

With each passing moment, Zandra felt lighter, her spirit gradually lifting. The weight of Jay's words and the sting of her own humiliation began to fade, replaced by a growing sense of acceptance and self-compassion. She was not defined by her bedwetting; she was Zandra, a complex and multifaceted individual, worthy of love and respect. And she knew that she was still an adult, regardless of the media's relentless attempts to convince her otherwise.

As the hot water continued to cascade down her body, it seemed to wash away the thoughts of what had just happened. And by the time she was rinsing her hair, skin bright pink from the hot water, she was instead wondering what her best friends Dell and Sabine might have done at the weekend. She couldn't wait to get to school so she could catch up with them, and that thought finally brought a smile to her face.

As she stepped out of the shower, towelling herself dry, Zandra felt a renewed sense of strength and determination. She would not let Jay's words define her; she would rise above his cruelty and embrace the person she was meant to be.