WHERE'S DEAN?

"Where's Dean?" Somebody asked.

"Looks like the omega ran away." Nix smirked.

It was Dean's turn to play something, but he had disappeared. As much as I hated to admit it, I think Nix was right. Dean had run away again.

I looked where mate was, surrounded by my betas and friends.

Harvey was saying, "We should play together sometime, Luna."

And I knew Dean was somewhere all alone. This defeat must have hurt his pride. Dean had always said to me how, even if he wasn't particularly good at anything else, he was good at music.

And he was. He played well at my school's special assembly, and he warmed up the crowd so naturally.

It wasn't that he was bad. It just turned out that Rebel was better. I remembered Killion saying that Rebel could play almost any instrument in the band.

Actually, now that I thought about it, it didn't seem fair to me that Rebel could be good at so many things. But that wasn't the point I was trying to make.

What I meant was that I knew this defeat hurt Dean because while Rebel was good at many things, Dean had always felt he was only good for this one thing.

And he practiced so hard at it. He saved up and bought the finest guitar. I heard it was a full month's warrior salary. He carried it everywhere with him, and then Rebel came and beat him with an old guitar left in the corner.

Rebel played a lot faster. Rebel could play not just part of but the whole of some fancy song. And... Well, Dean didn't do the last challenge.

But I think Rebel's song was heart thumping and crush inducing (but I might be biased).

Over the years, I've heard Dean's songs... My favourite was the one he sang about my favourite foods.

He sang serious stuff too, but I usually didn't remember things like that.

I wished Dean stuck it out, played his song, and just let it go. I mean, even the Morning Light goons laughed and moved on after being defeated at the pool table.

And Mate simply looked bewildered when he got killed in the video game, "Why can I only punch and kick?" Killion had laughed out loud at him, and the other guys laughed too after that.

"Shall I write in to feedback about their unsatisfactory variety of movements, Luna?" Killion had teased.

It's okay to lose.

Right? I tried to put myself in everyone's shoes. My pride would sting, yeah, but it was just for fun.

I guess Dean wasn't challenging Rebel for fun. Dean was putting his pride on the line? He got too serious.

And now he was alone out in the dark and cold.

I took one last look at the guys... They were setting up the other instruments to jam. Killion and Rebel were going to join and do a three pack band. They were choosing who got to play first.

Mate decided to take the keyboard so that both Ben and Harvey could play the guitar.

Shannon called dips on the drums. Marlow took the base.

"This is going to be the best band combi ever!" Lizzy said.

Lola came over to me, "I've slipped the notes in, Alpha."

"Good job." I said.

"Lola, come sing backup. You too Lizzy. Angela, come on." Ben ordered.

I saw Jonah pull up a chair to sit with Savy. If it's Jonah with her, I knew it was okay. I won't be long.

I slipped out to look for Dean, letting my lucky sense of direction take me... And also the fact that all along the empty corridor, there wasn't many paths to choose from and it was easy to pick up Dean's scent.

I found him sitting on the steps at the end of the corridor.

"Hey." I said.

Dean just looked at me and looked away again. He had been crying. He swallowed, "Hey, Sam."

"They're setting up to jam. Wanna go in and listen?" I asked.

"No." Dean shook his head, "I don't want to go back."

I couldn't just leave him alone there, so I sat next to him, the cement step was cold, "What are you thinking about?"

Dean didn't answer immediately.

But when he did, his voiced cracked, "It just isn't fair."

"He is taller and more muscular than me. He plays the guitar better than me. He could even compose on the spot..."

"He said it was on his mind for a while... So it wasn't on the spot." I corrected Dean.

"He has a super nice voice." Dean said.

"He's rich. He's handsome. He has a strong wolf." Dean went on.

"The Goddess is so unfair. All she gave me was my music, and..." Dean choked a bit, "And I just... It's not fair."

I wondered if it was true. I've often said myself, that all I was good for was fighting. Killion claimed at first that he was only good for two things, but he turned out to be good at many other things too.

But maybe it just meant that I was most confident in my fighting abilities. Maybe that was just what Dean meant.

"You're good at lots of things Dean." I told him.

"No I'm not." Dean said mournfully.

"You're relatable." I said, "You were really good at warming the crowd. You're real. You're good at talking about difficult things like feelings. You're gentle and kind. You're funny. And you play good music."

"It just takes practice. Everything needs time and hard work. Bell is older than we are, so he had more years to grow taller and stronger and whatever. So we can't really compare that way."

"And anyway, you know the saying, the forest would be a very quiet place if only the best bird sings." I shrugged, "Just keep using your talent. Don't forget your dream, you have a beautiful mate who will one day sing next to you."

Dean cheered up gradually, finally he nodded, "Yeah, I know."

"I know you know, I was just reminding you." I grinned, glad that Dean was feeling better, "Let's go back."

I was just about to get up when Dean grabbed my hand, "Wait, Sam... I..."

He was cut off by a growling sound.

Mate! Mate! Mate!

I turned around to say hi, but I was suddenly picked up off my feet. Dean let go of my hand.

Mate put me down by his side and grabbed Dean by the collar.

"Hey, chill! Chill, Luna - we were just talking..." Dean said.

Mate threw him down.

I grabbed mate by the arm, "What are you doing?"

"That's exactly what I want to ask you." Mate growled into my ear.

His wolf was on the surface. He was mad. What the hell.

"I play nice with all your friends, win the music challenge, sing to you in front of everyone, to find you alone in the dark with the omega." Rebel's growling was vehement.

"I was just checking on Dean. He was out here alone." I said, "You've got to understand all he has is his music."

"And all I have is you." Bell all but snarled at me.

If he had said it any other way, it might have been romantic. But you know and I know by now, neither of us were good at this romance thing.

"Then find someone else." I snarled back, "Because I'm not your possession. I do what I want, when I want..."

He cut me off, "Didn't you hear your mum tell you? You're not a puppy anymore. You can't just do whatever you want."

I flinched internally at his cutting words. Quoting my mum against me was a hit below the belt.

I was the Alpha. How dare he!

"Princess! Luna!" It was Killion.

The other betas were with him.

I stepped back from Rebel at their arrival.

"Is everything alright?" Killion asked.

No, Rebel was mean. I'm going to cry.

I looked away at the full moon.

"Just forget it." Rebel growled. And he disappeared. He woke up.

Everytime he did that, even in the best circumstances, my wolf would be torn just a bit by the seperation.

I watched the darkness swallow the moon till only a silver of it was left in the night sky.

It felt like something cracked inside me. I think it was my heart.

I felt the hot tears, and swiped them quickly with my sleeve.

"Goddess?" Killion asked almost inaudibly.

The three moved towards me cautiously, but kept a respectful distance. They looked at each other as if uncertain. I'm not sure Beta training had anything about dealing with crying Alphas. Oh wait, Alphas didn't cry.

Haha, this was embaressing. I just leaked tears in front of all three of my betas. I swiped the tears again. They won't stop.

"I'm not crying." I managed to inform them. I swiped more tears away.

"My mate's an idiot." I muttered. It's all Dumbbell's fault.

"Do you want us to let him know when we see him?" Killion asked very softly and lightly.

I pictured my three betas confronting Mate, "Oh no. Don't."

Why was I trying to protect him? Even while I'm hurting. Stoopid mate. Stoopid mating bond. Stoopid everything.

The tears dried. I wiped the last of it away on my sleeve, refusing Killion's handkerchief, "I told you, I wasn't crying. I'm just leaking a bit. It's no big deal."

My betas growled protectively. I realised what Gamma Harry said was true. When the Alpha and Luna fought, it's not good for the pack.

Man, I wished I hadn't leak like that. I shrugged and let the cold breeze chill my face.

"I need to get back and check on Savy." I realized.

Stoopid Mate. Didn't you know? Whether it's Dean's fragile confidence, Savy's social limitations, or Killion's broken heart. I was the Alpha, I would protect their happiness. I was going to protect everyone's happiness.

I hoped one day, Mate would understand.

The moment we got back, I was glad I did. So was Savy. She immediately walked over to me and hooked her arm in mine. She was smiling but she had enough and wanted to go home. Savy was painfully introverted like that.

We weren't the only ones ready to leave. It was already past the AM hours and tomorrow was a school day. Harvey and Lola was sending the Morning Light Teens back. And most of the other teens lived a short walking distance from the school.

We looked up at the falling snow around us.

"Please goddess! Send us a snow day!" Drew prayed up to what was just now a full moon. Some of us laughed. I looked at the crescent smiling in the sky, but could only see the darkness around it.

Killion drove us home in my car, he wanted to make Ben squeeze back with Lizzy and Savy, but I knew Savy had enough of "outsiders". so I said I wanted to squeeze in with the girls. Ben sat front.

Savy's world was only Mum, Dad, me, Lizzy, and more recently Killion and maybe mate. Ben and Jonah were okay. And everyone, as far as I could tell, were considered outsiders by her wolf.

Maybe white wolves were alright with small territories.

I wondered who was in my world?

Pretty much everyone at the party tonight? Well no. I suppose if I defined my world as strictly as Savy, it would be similar. Mum, Dad, Savy... Actually, that was it. Maybe mate. Omo. My world was even smaller than Savy's.

Then I realised the difference between my world and Savy's was that while hers had like one circle, and you were either in the circle, on the line, or outside, my world was like a bullseye with many, many layers.

And recently, even though the larger circles were growing bigger, the circle in the center had been shrinking and shrinking, until if I were to take an honest look at my world. I was the only one left in it.

That was kind of lonely.

I wondered if mate would fit. Or if he would feel kinda cramped stuck with me all the time. Sigh.

Why did all the happy moments have to end so unhappily? How did the one who made my heart so happy also made my heart so hurt?

I thought we still had a lot of time to play together with everyone. At least till we had kids and had to be proper adults. But now it felt like playtime had been cut short.

Only I wanted to play some more.

It snowed all the way home. When we unloaded from the car, Killion decided he'd better park it indoors. Ben would walk us home.

I looked at Lizzy, "Walk Lizzy home, Ben. We're already on the pack house porch."

Savy showed me the key card from her pocket.

"Great! Savy has the key card. See you later Killion. Bye Ben, bye bye Lizzy!"

Killion smiled and nodded his submission before rolling up the window to drive away. Ben waved without looking back. He could always be counted to follow my will. Lizzy shouted, "Bye bye!" Her breath coming out as white puffs. Savy and I waved and headed into the pack house. At night, only the lowlights were on. We crept up the stairs to the lift.

"Do you think Mum and Dad are waiting up for us?" Savy asked.

"I've got no idea." I shrugged.

"Mum and Dad didn't mind link or text even once." Savy said.

"Maybe they were busy." I suggested. Hahaha. "Busy". It's a wonder we didn't have more siblings.

Savy nodded, "Maybe."

We let ourselves into the house. Mum and Dad left the entrance light on for us. We left it on for Killion too and crept super stealth ninja style back into our bedroom.

Savy crawled straight into her bed. Usually I would have showered, but I crawled into my bed and hid under the quilt.

"What's wrong?" Savy hung upside down from her bed to ask me, "You've been kind of depressed since just now. Are you worried about Dean? You know he's not a puppy anymore. If he wants to sulk, then just let him be."

And then she laid back and said to the ceiling, "I always though Dean might be your mate, but now that I've met Bell, I'm glad it was Bell."

I tried not the let the sound of Bell's name affect me, my wolf wanted to howl at the way he left. I took care to keep my tone nonchalant, "Yeah, why?"

Savy cackled, "Bell's interesting. I think a guy like that probably only appears once in a million years."

"You're saying my mate is weird." I paraphrased for her.

Savy cackled again, "Yeah, he suits you."

"You know, there are more direct ways to remind me that I'm weird." I grumbled.

Savy cackled louder now, "That's true too."

"Hey!" I protested in mock anger.

"But don't you think it's nice to have someone take care of you for once, Sam?" Savy asked sleepily.

"I can take care of myself." I said into the darkness.

I would never let someone like Rebel take care of me, because I never want to be reliant on anyone. Especially not if he would disappear the moment he got angry.

I swallowed back the urge to cry.

I hated Bell's anger, not because I was afraid of it, but because it hurt me.

I can take care of myself.