POOR BELL, MY BEAUTIFUL BELL!

23 FEBRUARY, TUESDAY, HOME FROM SCHOOL

When the car stopped in front of the porch, I made a bee line for the door. Harvey knocked on the front door for me, the usual two smart raps, and then opened it with his keycard.

Mum and Dad were dressed, coats in hand just on the other side.

"Oh good, Sam, you're back!" Mum smiled at me, "Your father and I are just about to go over to the Lorents..."

"Yeah, okay. Bye." I blurted out quickly because I suddenly feel like crying. I burst past them and down the hallway, through to plant room, pool room, and up the stairs, 2 steps at a time, sometimes 3. Then I shut myself in my room.

Ki had not laid out any clothes so I had to switch the wardrobe open and dig around a bit. Okay, I didn't really have to dig. This was my wardrobe with Ki in my life. Before Ki, digging in the wardrobe was a daily routine. With Ki, my clothes had a system, including prematched sets hung and folded in case of emergency.

I found some training gear and a t-shirt sitting on an eye level shelf, it came folded in a set complete with boy shorts and sports bra, so that would do.

Not that I was going to train. I was just going to soak in the bath, cry my eyes out, and then get dressed and make myself like a molehill in my clamshell bed.

Then I would stay there for the rest of my life, or until I felt like I could accept my failure - which would probably take longer.

I was the alpha who failed in the most basic way - I had failed to keep my mate safe. So much for me protecting everyone's happiness.

Omo. My poor Bell! My poor beautiful Bell! If I could give him my arm, I would! Except that my scrawny arm would probably be a terrible substitute.

I say in my bath and examined my arms. They were the girly slender kind, which worked out for me, since I was a girl and all. Oh, what was I thinking?

I blew bubbles in my bath and rested my chin between the tops of my knee.

I really blew it this time. And it wasn't from running into anything crazy either. I just got distracted and forgot to say no.

My mum, dad, Ben, every fighting instructor I ever had, and whoever else who ever told me I was distracted was right.

I've always thought I couldn't help it. That was just the way I was. I wasn't distracted, I had flexible attention. I was free spirited. Yeah, yeah, could my flexible attention or free spirit restore Bell's arm to him?

I always thought, it's fine, I was always lucky. So a lasp in my attention would not hurt me. But it's wasn't just about me anymore, was it? Bell was not so lucky.

I regret. If only I heeded everyone's advice more, and seriously worked on my concentration span or something. If only I had trained myself to be disciplined and completely focused. Then I would be more like... I tried to think of the most disciplined, focused, alpha wolf I knew, Stephan. I would be running my pack like the perfectly administrated Underground army where every bullet was accounted for. I would be writing my reports in ancient lycan because I would know how to read and write ancient lycan fluently even though it was extremely boring and tedious to learn and could only be used in communication between alphas and a very few betas.

I might become as expressive as a small granite mountain, but at least my Luna would have both his arms intact because I would have followuped the discussion in a timely manner.

I wondered how Bell was taking all this. I tried to connect to him but he had stubbornly jammed shut his side of the mating bond so I couldn't even slip in a little mindlinked thought or feeling. Stooopid mate.

Boo was despondent too. I realised belatedly that this was probably the reason for her silence during the exam today. And also, I realised I wasn't having heartburns due to exam stress either.

I'm so stooopid.

The tears fell now, for Bell's arm, but also for my own painful loneliness. My mate was hurt, and I was all alone, and have no way to help him.

Just as I was about to sink to the lowest of my dispair, someone knocked on my bathroom door, "Sam?"

It was mum, she knocked again, "Sam? Can you hear me? How long more would you need in there?"

A very long time ago, when we only hand two bathrooms in the house, Mum had ever knocked like that. But we have more than two bathrooms now. I don't even know how many bathrooms we had in the alpha house anymore.

"I'll be here forever." I informed my mum, "You can just seal the entrance and I'll spent my eternal slumber here."

While you're at it, why don't you bury some of Mate's cursed ashes under the flooring so that when some stupid young alpha show up and breaks the ground, everyone would get cursed?

"What are you talking about?" Mum sounded worried now, "Sam, are you okay?"

Ah, right. I slapped my cheeks to wake myself up from the little private pity party I was having, "Yeah." I forced myself to sound a little more lively, "I was just kidding. Did you need something?"

Now mum sounded confused, "Sam, I just told you that we were going to the Lorents."

So go! Why'd you have to keep rubbing it in my face?

And then Mum noticed the golden birdcage rack was empty, "Nevermind, Sam. You hurry up and dry off. I'll get your clothes.... I wonder where Ki keeps your dresses?"

I heard my wardrobe door shifting open. Eh? What's going on? I grabbed my towel and did a quick dab off, then I wrapped it around myself and went out to find Mum.

She was still in my wardrobe, but she had selected a white Lorent ceremonial dress, "Here. This might be appropriate."

I looked at the dress and then at my mum, "What's this for?"

"Now Sam," Mum was immediately firm, "I know you don't always like what I pick, but we don't have time to argue. Alpha Lorent and his Luna is waiting for us."

I tried to connect the dots, could it be?

"But I thought I was grounded?" I managed to squeak out.

Mum made a baffled expression, and then it broke into the kindest one she had, the one reserved for broken little girls, homeless she-wolves with pups, pregnant ladies, old people, and apparently me right now.

"Oh, Sam. Of course you must go!" Mum said suddenly sounding like the fairy godmother in Cinderella, "Bell is badly hurt and you're his mate. I think it would comfort him a lot if you go to him!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and blinked so that the tears wouldn't start falling again.

"It'll be okay. Alpha Lorent had summoned the best healers from across the Lorent Pack." Mum tried to reassure me, "No expense spared, he had said."

Then mum gave me a wide smile - her brave smile, I only just realised where I learned to smile like that from.

I nodded my head jerkily.

Mum gave me a quick half hug, "Oh, Sam. Don't worry. Accidents happen. I'm sure they'll find a way heal him."

And then Mum busied herself pulling out shoes and stuff, "Okay, I suppose this would do. Get dressed and come downstairs. We mustn't keep the Lorents or your Bell waiting."

I felt a small sigh escape my lips once Mum left. Yeah, Mum was right, maybe. It'll be okay. There's no use soaking in dispair. Bell was hurt and he's my mate. I needed to be strong. If there's a way I can help in his healing, I needed to be there. And even if there wasn't - because seriously, growing out a new arm was like ridiculously unrealistic, I needed to be there too. Someone had to be there to take care of the despotic one armed alpha.

On the bright side, maybe with one arm less, Bell would pose a smaller threat to Wolrd Piece. Just saying.

Hahaha. Yeah, I don't know how Mum did it, but just a few words from her and I was suddenly seeing the light.

And I wasn't alone. And neither was Bell. We'll make it work together. That's what soul mates are for right?

Two are better than one, for when one falls, there is someone there to lift him up.

I put on the dress Mum picked for me. It was a simple white ceremonial dress without fancy brocade or lace. But the fabric had an interesting texture, and very cute fabric wrapped buttons in the same fabric as the rest of the dress.

I also put on the white stockings and heels and picked up the cream colored coat. I guess, Mum had felt it was appropriate for me to dress like a Lorent when visiting the Lorents because I shared their family name? Or at least I could see how this would be what a good Luna would wear to rush down to her ailing Alpha's side just to hold his hand - at least according to Lycan dramas. Hahaha.

A quick check in the mirror showed my face was blotchy from all the crying I did in the bathroom earlier. Makeup. I found some in the dresser drawer and used a cream to soothe out the skin tone. My eye lids were still pinkish, so I did that pink eyelid look again with the blush.

Okay. Now I would look camera perfect when I cried while holding on to my Mate's hand. Just like the female protagonist of these kind of drama shows.

Nah, I'm just joking. There was no way I was going to cry in front of everyone, especially not Bell.

I wasn't there to act in some cliche script! I was there to be the alpha. I was going to figure out how to protect everyone's happiness. Including, and especially Bell's. ~❤️

One arm or no. I will make it work out.